Am I being horrible to say I'm envious of the stay at home mummy's

[pollyflickthekettkeon]

I'm just in from work. I'm tired after having little sleep after DD was complaining of a sore head last night (3am) I'm trying to get lunches/ breakfast/ myself ready for work and get my kids ready for school. I'm so tired. Anyway long story short, I, along with lots of parents are in a group chat with other parents from the school. Today whilst I was tired, busy and running on empty I kept getting alerts from all mums that's don't work ( some single parents, some with partners in decent income ) talking about meeting up for breakfast and going on a shopping day. I'm not overly friendly but I know these people well through the years of school pick ups etc. all nice people. But I've decided that I'm miserable bitch because I'm so cheesed off that they have all this wonderful, leisurely time to do fun stuff and I'm exhausted working and having nothing to show for it lol 😆

Anyone else like this today lol

Shopping and lunch with those participants wouldn't necessarily be my dream day either, I'd read a book or go for a run. Compared to juggling 50 billion things this morning- the lunch date sounded bliss

For anyone that I've offended or made feel inferior please please note that wasn't my intention- my post was based of having a crap night sleep and being envious in the moment of anyone in the world that happened to be off work today. I know SAHM work very hard- I was one for years when children were small so I know it can be exhausting, boring, relentless.

I'm just tired 🥱

Big hugs xx

I was a SAHM for six years, until my eldest was in Y1, my middle child was in pre school and my youngest was one.

I’ve been through all the soul destroying, monotonous days trudging round the park after being at a playgroup in the morning, and I’ve had years of terrible sleep thanks to none of my three sleeping through before age 2 minimum 😫

And it’s hard, really bloody hard. But even in the middle of my very worst days, when I was averaging about 3 hours sleep and lonely and bored, it WAS alleviated by being at home and being able to stick the tv on or get play doh out and just lay on the sofa for a bit. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, justify or explain or even just share where I was and what I was doing. If I needed to just not go out, stay in pjs all day, not talk to anyone, I could. I could do whatever I liked, within the confines of caring for children. Sometimes I longed to be at work again, talking to adults and eating in peace and going to the toilet alone.

Now I work from home in senior leadership position and I am more stressed and exhausted than ever. My kids are still in primary so still young, and we have a nanny. But it’s still bloody hard and some days I long to be a SAHM again with no pressure on me other than caring for the kids. I still have that but now with the added work responsibilities and stress.

I totally get it OP. It’s bloody hard. I don’t want to compare but having done both, I’ve come away with the opinion that either end of the spectrum is not easy, and probably a middle ground of part time hours would be better 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds like they've got the ability to go for a nice brunch without kids on a weekday. Who wouldn't want hours a day as their own time and the money to enjoy it?

Being a mum whether you SAH or not is bloody hard. So much to think about and do constantly!

Advantages and disadvantages to both but I must admit in the late 90s when I had to return to work when my son was 13 weeks (full time ) as maternity rights were very low at the time- Yep- I envied those who weren't busy pushing buggies to the shared nanny at 8.15am

Part time work is the best I reckon. Today I went to hot yoga (baby in creche) then for brunch. Had a lovely walk then home to play with and nap with baby.

Couldn't do it every day though. Value my sanity, salary and identity outside of mummy.

Breakfast or coffees with mum friends sounds fab to me, much better than the stress and hassle of work - I'm not one for group shopping trips though.

I've always been a SAHM of sorts, for 16 years - and volunteered or worked part time to fit in with school. That's been the ideal for me.

I would love to be a SAHM particularly at the moment as my Send teen is particularly struggling - but as an only parent & being self employed if I don't work there is no money.
Like you so tired & just need a break but hey at least I have sunshine 😁

I'm a sahm and I couldn't work full time as I just wouldn't be able to cope (health issues) so I do feel privileged but I'm also really lonely and never go for brunch!

I was a SAHM until my eldest was in Y3 and youngest started reception (spring term so had a lovely autumn term to myself!) and I miss it every day 😢 I miss being there for every pick up, having time to help with homework, after school activities. I’m just rushing all the time now.
I work 3 days now so it’s not so bad and it’s nice to be bringing in my own money but how I yearn for those happy care free days! I honestly loved every minute.

I think being a SAHM must be nice because I wouldn’t have to do my laundry at 5am, or mop the floors at 10 at night. The supermarket on Saturday mornings is shit too. Also, my packed lunches leave something to be desired. Today they had a piece of cheese and a bread roll (plus a bunch of shit in plastic packets) I tell them it’s “make your own” but it’s not.

Basically, I long for the days (mat leave) when I could be more flexible. I miss hanging out laundry after the sun rises. 😂

Not all of my mine are school age either, so I’m still absolutely fucking non stop every second that I’m at home and awake. And I’m still up several times in the night.

I’m not saying I think my life is harder than any SAHM, because of course the SAH life is relentless. Grass is always greener - maybe I should get a cleaner. (Finished with a poem)

Well it depends doesn’t it?

SAHM of a preschooler? Going to work is MUCH easier!
SAHM of a teenager? Well yes plenty of time to lunch etc.. but a boring day really
SAHM with a child that is regularly ill, has some SEN/long term illness… I’d rather them be well tbh. And back to the first one. I think work is easier.

Actually, yes it can be crap. But overall, I’d rather work

Btw, I’ve learnt quickly that the only way you can work full time and still do all the stuff that needs doing is

• drop some standards. Sorry but no cleaning the floors at 10.00pm
• force DH to actually take on at least some responsibility. And to never ever take some if it back, even once (because it immediately becomes yours again)

There are some standards I won’t lower. I’m going to clean my floors at 10pm over having dirty floors. Raise yours. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Deep down I know I wouldn’t want to be a full time SAHM, most days I like my job, it’s my break from real life etc BUT I do get a little green eyed monster when people are calling at the park after school, making plans for a coffee after drop off etc and that’s before the covering sickness starts!

What's stopping you becoming one @pollyflickthekettkeon ?@pollyflickthekettkeon ? That's what to focus on.

Based on MN

1. self respect. The I'd NEVER be one of THOSE women slaving away for some man / relying on the state to pay for my children
2. Money. Benefits wouldn't give you the income you have now
3. Career. A longer gap in your career can screw up career progress
4. Sanity. SAHPing would be detrimental to mental health, being stuck at home constantly.
5. Post divorce security. Back to dependency on a man.

Hope you sleep better tonight

I had two close together. No nurseries in my rural Welsh area in those days. I was wearing maternity clothes two years on. Apart from pushing pram to mother and toddlers, the beach or the shops I saw no-one. I was lonely a lot of the time for grown up company. By the time youngest went to school I hadn't worked for six years so went on free daytime college courses to learn computers.

Fast forward to today grandchildren. I'm a granny at the school gate amongst many because our children are all working. So I'd be even lonelier now because everyone has to return to work

Oh I'd love to be a sahm but unfortunately I have to work, we have lots of outgoings and I need to wrk. Also, I enjoy the company and having my own money to contribute to family stuff.

I think everyone has days where they are envious of someone elses lifestyle. Particularly the fun days. I'm sure they have moments where they wish they were at work being treated like a competent human being and having a working lunch.

Re cleaning when you're working I remember after a long ironing session I decided to have a shower. Then bright idea I'd clean the shower. I came over all funny dizzy and vomited in the shower. It was midnight and I hadn't eaten anything since lunch.

@CalpolDependant I presume, from your post that you are a single parent? If not then your DP can help with some of that you know?

Female martyrdom only disadvantages females.

The mums in my children’s school don’t do that (that I am aware) I have some many chores to catch up on that I am not sure what a slow morning is.

The expectations of some people is biased depending on the content they watch. I would love to be one of those young women waking up to a light clock, preparing carefully vegan and ecofriendly sustainable coffee, with a pad to jot down my intentions for the day, then take a walk to reset my biological alarm clock, do light yoga on coming back etc etc you get what I am trying to picture.

Reality is I wake up startled by my alarm clock and as soon as I do that I have to nag my children to wake up and I feel like a sergeant (which I don’t like) but otherwise they would not move. Mornings for parents are hectic and stressful and when you come back from drop off there is more things to tend to. I feel I can never relax at home because there are so many things to do.

Just be reassured most SAHMs are not like that, and that’s ok too.

This!! (Apart from the rather be at work bit) 😁