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Original poster

DD's teacher - mortified

289 replies

mortifiedmomma · 06/05/2023 23:01

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

OP posts:
Marigoldilock · 09/05/2023 22:41

TheCrystalPalace · 09/05/2023 22:36

If you feel no guilt, why lie? Just own it and tell them.

As a teacher, I don't give a shit if parents take their kids out of school for a holiday. I didn't make the rules; nor is it up to me to impose fines.
However, I HATE being lied to - particularly when I know full well it's a lie. I'm forced into a ridiculous charade of pretending to believe them, when I suspect it's all bollocks.
I remember once a parent telling me they were going on a last trip with her mother, who was dying of a brain tumour (so extenuating circumstances). I was upset on her behalf, and was very sympathetic as she was telling me all about it, as I had just lost my own mother to the same thing.
Turned out to be a complete lie - her mother wasn't ill at all. I was beyond livid and threads like this I find quite triggering.

Show quote history

Urgh. How low can you go.
I have zero respect for liars. They are usually some slimy combination of cowardly, sneaky and arrogant. Gross.

TheCrystalPalace · 09/05/2023 22:44

I mean, do some of you think we're stupid? Have you any idea of just how many kids in the school also have a "dentist appointment" after lunch on the Friday before a Bank Holiday weekend?

Anderson2018 · 09/05/2023 22:44

haha you effed up there but no point in worrying about it, it’s done now and it is what it is. 6 year olds are terrible liars so not sure what you thought would happen there 🤣 but who cares, I doubt your kid will be effected by it. Mums make mistakes but no one is hurt or majorly effected so it’s not worth getting upset about. People have been lying about sickness since the beginning of time to get a day off so honestly who cares.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General education
TheCrystalPalace · 09/05/2023 22:48

"so honestly who cares."

Well, I have zero respect for liars. You lie to me and I'm done. And I will not go out of my way for you, going forward. That parent I mentioned above - I could barely even look her in the eye from then on.

Mumof2boys17 · 09/05/2023 22:51

Aw I’m sure they get a lot worse than an extra day holiday. My son did something similar but it was telling the after school club staff that I was pregnant! It was before we had let everyone know but bless him he was too excited to be a big brother.

bluebeach · 09/05/2023 22:52

Don’t feel too bad. When my DD was 7 we told the teacher that she would be unwell the following week for 3 days, the teacher gave us a nod and a wink and said ‘sickness and diarrhoea’.

Kanaloa · 09/05/2023 22:53

What’s weird is if one of the kids in my class said they were missing a day to go on holiday I’d be ‘meh.’ But if they told me their parent had coached them to lie about feeling sick I’d find it really bizarre and would lose a bit of respect for the parent.

Marigoldilock · 09/05/2023 23:10

Anderson2018 · 09/05/2023 22:44

haha you effed up there but no point in worrying about it, it’s done now and it is what it is. 6 year olds are terrible liars so not sure what you thought would happen there 🤣 but who cares, I doubt your kid will be effected by it. Mums make mistakes but no one is hurt or majorly effected so it’s not worth getting upset about. People have been lying about sickness since the beginning of time to get a day off so honestly who cares.

If you don’t care about people respecting you or trusting you, yeah, who cares?

Redebs · 09/05/2023 23:11

People who think it's ok to tell your kids to lie to teachers, where do you draw the line?

Is it ok for a child to say they were sick when it's an adult with a hangover? How about the practice of being 'sick' for a few days until bruises heal?

Those are pretty common and any child whose parent makes them lie should be monitored carefully for other signs of neglect.

Youdoyoubabe · 09/05/2023 23:14

This is funny! Most humans don't get good at lying until they are older than 10. Good try though.

Walkaround · 09/05/2023 23:18

It’s a bit hard to recover from being caught out telling your 6-year old to lie - irresponsible and crass to think they would be capable of lying to all their friends as well as the teacher, so that you did not get found out. What sort of twit thinks their child will not want to tell everyone about their lovely holiday? You have confused your child (presumably you don’t encourage them to lie to you, too?) and massively reduced your credibility in the eyes of the teacher. You will not be the only parent to be so idiotic, though - when chasing up unexplained absences, the rest of the child’s class is often a far more reliable source of information than the parents.

Redebs · 09/05/2023 23:22

This reply has been deleted

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caringcarer · 09/05/2023 23:38

OP I was a secondary teacher and taught A levels to year 12 and year 13 as well as GCSE classes. had a student who was a lovely boy, helpful, polite and very smart. He asked me if he could take 2 days off school to go to Glastonbury as his brother had broke up with his girlfriend and said he could have the ticket. He was very honest and said I don't want to lie to you Miss but I really want to go. Normally I would say no, not in term time but he was up with all his work and always handed in homework on time, so I told him I would agree but I'd set him an essay to do before he returned and not to tell others at school. He had a great time. He died in a tragic accident a few months later. All I could think of was I was just so glad I had not said no. At his funeral In the eulogy I was thanked for allowing him to go to Glastonbury and it was one of his favourite experiences. The head of Sixth Form looked stunned and asked me what made me agree to let him off for two days at school. I obviously should have asked the Head of Sixth Form. I really don't know why I did. I've thought about it a few times and don't really know why. I'm just glad I did. An odd day won't hurt if attendance is usually good especially at 6 years old.

Minierme · 09/05/2023 23:45

KatherineofGaunt · 06/05/2023 23:07

In all honesty, I would be amused at your daughter's candidness! But that's as far as it would have gone. I wouldn't have asked to speak to you and I wouldn't do anything other than record your daughter as absent on the register.

If it's a child with no attendance issues and no safeguarding concerns, one day off "sick" before a BH weekend wouldn't bother me.

I'd love to know what the teacher said to you about it, though. Did she just tell you what your daughter had done? Seems an odd thing to do.

This would have been my reaction when I was teaching too.

Minierme · 09/05/2023 23:49

Redebs · 09/05/2023 23:11

People who think it's ok to tell your kids to lie to teachers, where do you draw the line?

Is it ok for a child to say they were sick when it's an adult with a hangover? How about the practice of being 'sick' for a few days until bruises heal?

Those are pretty common and any child whose parent makes them lie should be monitored carefully for other signs of neglect.

Yeah because lying and taking your child on a lovely family trip is exactly the same as physically abusing them and then lying. No difference whatsoever…..
I’m not condoning lying but I would not as a teacher have been thinking that a parent is therefore a safeguarding risk! That’s a massive leap. In fact a child who was being harmed probably would have (sadly) kept the lie. It’s the fact that her daughter isn’t accustomed to have to cover things up that means she immediately told her teacher!

Walkaround · 10/05/2023 00:00

purplehair1 · 09/05/2023 21:36

Sorry there are a lot of stuffy replies on here but I think that's really funny. And have done similar before to save money on an expensive holiday without being caught out!

Well, in reality, the school knew you were lying. And for breaks of less than 5 days, it just makes the parents look like tits, because most Local Authorities would never bother to fine for a holiday of less than five school days, unless there was an issue with the child’s attendance record in general (ie a pattern indicating that their child should either be seeking medical advice to ascertain the reason for their unusually poor immune system, or needed safeguarding from their parents, or their parents are liars).

vickylou78 · 10/05/2023 00:22

Op this is so silly. Why didn't you just flll a form out saying you were taking her on holiday? It would go down as unathorised absence but surely that's better than making your child lie? You made her lie to someone she should respect and trust! And it should go both ways.

THEDEACON · 10/05/2023 00:50

Let's hope that taught you not to ask your child to lie

AngryBirdsNoMore · 10/05/2023 01:56

snitzelvoncrumb · 07/05/2023 02:15

It’s funny. This probably happens all the time.

I thought there would be more of this and less of the overreactions on this thread…

AngryBirdsNoMore · 10/05/2023 02:02

BusyBrain3 · 08/05/2023 20:32

I was taking my daughter to a concert once, initially planned just to drive there and back in the same night and at the last minute decided to stay over as a treat (2.5 hours away) so rang her in sick… the concert was Ariana Grande in May 2017 so you all know what happened there. We couldn’t continue the lie then so I had to go in to school, admit it and apologise!

I’ve never lied about my children’s absences since!

Sorry could you explain - did she go to the concert?

Tiredmama53 · 10/05/2023 02:19

Why would you follow up on a mum being cross about her partner bashing the car? Surely that's a normal reaction for a person to have and not concerning. Things like this make me so paranoid I'm sometimes too scared to say anything in front of my kids in case they say something at school

nicetoseetgesunsout · 10/05/2023 03:49

Don't worry about it.
Even though I don't agree with getting your DD to lie; I did similar.
We wanted to take our DD to Florida inc Disney but to drive all the way to the keys; including several stops along the way so we were flying back from Miami. A road trip for 3 weeks. My daughter obv told her friends that she was going to Disney but didn't know anything else about the trip.
Obviously, we needed to extend the Easter school holiday to enable this. Didn't tell our DD to lie but.....I called in sick for her, from the airport, just as they announced the Gatwick to Orlando flight whilst I was on the phone!
What made it worse was that we were holidaying with our good friends who's son also went to the school so his mum did the same. We really didn't think that through!
School obviously knew but Nothing was ever said. This was 17yrs ago though.
Daughter now 23 still remembers the great adventure so I've no regrets at all. That additional week off school never academically affected her but gave her a love of travel.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 10/05/2023 06:09

Well, that's awkward. And rather funny 😂

But please don't tell your daughter to lie. Ever (unless life/death etc.)

You are teaching her that lying is okay.

So don't be surprised if she will lie to you as well!

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 10/05/2023 06:15

AngryBirdsNoMore · 10/05/2023 02:02

Sorry could you explain - did she go to the concert?

Show quote history

There was a terrorist attack. 22 people died and many more were wounded.

The OP and her daughter survived.

but may have had physical injures which would have needed to be explained. And surviving this kind of thing tends to be traumatising. => school had to be informed.

SchoolTripDrama · 10/05/2023 06:42

🤣

Two things this thread has taught me:

  1. Everything & anything, interesting or otherwise, that happens at home will be told to DD’s Teacher & 2) Just how many teachers are on Mumsnet! 😳