Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD's teacher - mortified

289 replies

mortifiedmomma · 06/05/2023 23:01

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

OP posts:
Cas112 · 08/05/2023 21:03

You shouldn't have asked her to lie for one.. it's a really bad habit and your child will pick it up easily especially if your making out it's ok.

Also just one day probably wouldn't have been an issue so you should have just been honest or rang the school and make up an excuse the morning of

NotQuiteUsual · 08/05/2023 21:19

I have this regularly. Trust me. Every time a child under 10 is told to lie about being off for a holiday they tell us. We always know. Usually they burst through the door and excitedly tell us immediately, I never snitch though(unless safeguarding concerns of course).

H007 · 08/05/2023 22:12

You don’t recover you lied, and you taught your DC that it’s okay to lie. You just need to hold your hands up now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General education
Sux2buthen · 08/05/2023 22:17

Haha a child at my school had been off and I asked how she was and she said 'oh, I was sick on holiday' Grin

Mamanyt · 09/05/2023 00:46

Oh, dear. Well...along with most, I'll caution you not to teach your child to lie. If you ask her to lie for you, you can hardly fault her for lying to you. Bad precedent.

As for the teacher, I sincerely doubt that this is her first rodeo...she's ridden that bull before. She'll shake her head, make a note to herself to check excuses in the future, then forget about it until and unless she has reason to wonder in the future.

SydneyMamma · 09/05/2023 04:30

You don't recover from this but I would apologise to the teacher.

And don't encourage your children to lie. Such a selfish, stupid thing to do. What will your DD have leant from this experience? That it's OK to lie when you want something that you're not supposed to have or do? That is wrong.

Oscarbravo · 09/05/2023 12:37

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 06/05/2023 23:38

I agree with others upthread that getting your child to lie is wrong. Why on earth would you think this is ok? You should have been honest with school as after the bh weekend your child will likely say you all went away anyway, I’m a teacher and they tell us alsorts, speaking freely as a child should.
I don’t understand your mentality regarding this. It’s not an example of good parenting. I’m sure your a good parent OP but I would judge you on this if I was your child’s teacher,

You’re a teacher?

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/05/2023 13:00

Flowertight · 08/05/2023 20:36

I was taking my daughter to a concert once, initially planned just to drive there and back in the same night and at the last minute decided to stay over as a treat (2.5 hours away) so rang her in sick… the concert was Ariana Grande in May 2017 so you all know what happened there.

doesn’t make sense. When did you call her in sick? If it was the morning after surely the tragedy had take place? Why would you call her in sick day before?

It made perfect sense to me.

purplebunny2012 · 09/05/2023 13:02

ejbaxa · 08/05/2023 20:23

I was honest all my life - for about 40 years.

Then I realised honesty isn't really valued or rewarded. Indeed, I have seen far too many people sailing through life telling lies, shitting on honest people and wriggling out of their responsibilities.

Now I say whatever the fuck I want to get what I need.

Your mistake was getting the 6yo involved. I'd have just emailed/phoned saying she has a temp/has puked/whatever.

I've taught my kids to lie when it's necessary. That isn't frequently, but when you deal with people who are unreasonable, you might need to tell some inconsequential lies.

The teacher raising concerns about your communication with school - well that's just fanciful. You wanted your kid to have a little holiday. It's pretty obvious that there's nothing weird going on.

But why bother lying? What is to be gained for 1 day off school? Absence is absence

purplebunny2012 · 09/05/2023 13:05

Whattodo46 · 08/05/2023 20:43

I’m assuming you’re in England. I’m in Scotland and I just write an email or phone the school and tell them I’m taking mine out of school for a holiday. They record it as unauthorised but nothing more happens. I think fines are unreasonable endless the child is frequently absent.

This is what we do in England, too. Or fill in an absence request which gets rejected and then it's just marked unauthorised

mummyoffourminimes · 09/05/2023 20:45

Hahahaha

Donewaiting · 09/05/2023 20:46

I work in a school, it happens a lot. Whilst it's not ideal to miss school, unless your daughter has low attendance and you make a habit of this sort of thing, I really wouldn't worry. I had a parent pretend her child was sick for a full week (spoke to or emailed the office each day) we knew full well they were on holiday because the kids had told all their friends, others have done much worse, don't feel bad...it will pass.

Samlewis96 · 09/05/2023 20:50

VashtaNerada · 06/05/2023 23:14

OP, this exact situation has happened to me several times in my teaching career! 😁I’ve always turned a blind eye, I’m not sure why the teacher put you in that position. Don’t worry about it. Depending on the school you could get a fine, but so be it.

Doubt you will be fined for ONE day

TheBerry · 09/05/2023 20:55

@mortifiedmomma people can be soooo judgemental. OP, you made a mistake, you know that, so learn from it but also forgive yourself. You know it’s not good to have your child lie for you, so don’t do that again. But please ignore everyone saying how “shameful” and “disgusting” it is - you’re not a bad mum or a horrible person, you just made a mistake!

Manthide · 09/05/2023 21:00

This reminds me when dd3 was 6 and dd2 was graduating from university (Cambridge). I wanted her to come with us and filled in the holiday form and it was refused and if we went ahead we might be fined. We were on benefits and I couldn't chance it so my parents took her to school etc. I was thinking of calling in sick but I knew the school would know and obviously dd3 would tell everyone about it afterwards. I still feel angry that she missed out on dd2's special day. We have a photo on the wall of me, dh dd2 and ds from that day (dd1 is a doctor and couldn't make it).

Meowandthen · 09/05/2023 21:17

You told your six year old to lie. You think a young child should keep your secrets. That’s some odd parenting.

Opalfruitsareback · 09/05/2023 21:27

Well of course children come out with the truth, even the older ones. I've heard this kind of thing lots as a teacher. It amazes me how thick some parents are.

purplehair1 · 09/05/2023 21:36

Sorry there are a lot of stuffy replies on here but I think that's really funny. And have done similar before to save money on an expensive holiday without being caught out!

Marigoldilock · 09/05/2023 21:36

I’m a teacher and wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a family taking the Friday off to start their bank holiday a bit sooner.

However, I find it appalling that an adult would ask a 6 year old to lie. It’s not just because lying is wrong and sends a bad message, but because it puts a huge amount of pressure on the child to execute the lie and complete the task to the parents satisfaction. My parents used to get me to lie about things all the time and it was horrible. I have never and will never ask anyone, let alone my trusting little children, to lie for me, as a result. A child lying to someone they have a good relationship with and who is in a position of authority, is going to cause a lot of confusing, conflicting internal feelings and is just so unfair.

I don’t find this story funny at all. I think you have learned a lesson OP and I hope you never put that burden on a small child ever again.

Marigoldilock · 09/05/2023 21:41

savoycabbage · 08/05/2023 18:36

I said to a year two last week 'I'm glad you are back, we missed you yesterday' and she burst into tears and sobbed 'I'm not allowed to say anything, I can't say anything, I can't tell you because my mum says if I tell you we have to give you money ' etc. She was so upset.

I just had to tell her that it was OK and that I didn't mind at all where she had been but that she needed to know that she could always tell any of the grown ups at school anything she wanted to tell them.

It's not a good idea to teach your children to keep secrets to trusted adults.

This is the kind of thing I was talking about in my last post. The sense of panic that you will mess the lie up, the anxiety.

Chamelion · 09/05/2023 22:01

We’re going abroad one week before the school ends for summer holidays. My DS doesn’t know but I’ll just get on a plane with the whole family and just before departing I’ll call the school saying he is throwing up.

yes I know it’s not ideal but it’s been 4 years I haven’t seen my family, we’ve got a new baby they haven’t met yet and the ticket prices were considerably cheaper a week before the school closes. I feel no guilt about it at all.

Qbish · 09/05/2023 22:16

You've taught your six year old to lie. Don't complain when she lies to you when she's sixteen.

Qbish · 09/05/2023 22:18

Marigoldilock · 09/05/2023 21:36

I’m a teacher and wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a family taking the Friday off to start their bank holiday a bit sooner.

However, I find it appalling that an adult would ask a 6 year old to lie. It’s not just because lying is wrong and sends a bad message, but because it puts a huge amount of pressure on the child to execute the lie and complete the task to the parents satisfaction. My parents used to get me to lie about things all the time and it was horrible. I have never and will never ask anyone, let alone my trusting little children, to lie for me, as a result. A child lying to someone they have a good relationship with and who is in a position of authority, is going to cause a lot of confusing, conflicting internal feelings and is just so unfair.

I don’t find this story funny at all. I think you have learned a lesson OP and I hope you never put that burden on a small child ever again.

Very well said.

TheCrystalPalace · 09/05/2023 22:36

Chamelion · 09/05/2023 22:01

We’re going abroad one week before the school ends for summer holidays. My DS doesn’t know but I’ll just get on a plane with the whole family and just before departing I’ll call the school saying he is throwing up.

yes I know it’s not ideal but it’s been 4 years I haven’t seen my family, we’ve got a new baby they haven’t met yet and the ticket prices were considerably cheaper a week before the school closes. I feel no guilt about it at all.

If you feel no guilt, why lie? Just own it and tell them.

As a teacher, I don't give a shit if parents take their kids out of school for a holiday. I didn't make the rules; nor is it up to me to impose fines.
However, I HATE being lied to - particularly when I know full well it's a lie. I'm forced into a ridiculous charade of pretending to believe them, when I suspect it's all bollocks.
I remember once a parent telling me they were going on a last trip with her mother, who was dying of a brain tumour (so extenuating circumstances). I was upset on her behalf, and was very sympathetic as she was telling me all about it, as I had just lost my own mother to the same thing.
Turned out to be a complete lie - her mother wasn't ill at all. I was beyond livid and threads like this I find quite triggering.

KingofCats · 09/05/2023 22:37

I always just say “DC will
not be in tomorrow, we are going away. I appreciate this will need to be marked as unauthorised absence”. It’s much easier to say this and own it upfront than feel bad when they come back telling you “it will be marked as unauthorised”!
My local authority don’t fine unless there’s over a week of unauthorised absence.