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Original poster

DD's teacher - mortified

289 replies

mortifiedmomma · 06/05/2023 23:01

I know I'm in the wrong in the situation, and this will teach me a lesson; but I keep thinking about it and I'm absolutely mortified.

We had planned a small 4 day vacation or long week end from this past Friday to Monday night away with DH, DD (6), ILs and me.

DD had school on Friday but we thought we would just take her out of school that day to have an extra day to enjoy ourselves.

I told DD who was very excited, but asked her not to tell her teacher and to just tell her, at the end of the day on Thursday, that she was feeling unwell, so that we could have an excuse and tell the school she was ill the next day (I know, I know).

On Thursday, when I picked her up, her teacher asked me if she could have a quick word with me.

DD told her "she would be sick tomorrow". And following the teacher's confusion, DD proceeded to explain that "we're going on holiday, and mummy doesn't want me to tell you, so she said to tell you I would be sick tomorrow".

How do I recover from this?

OP posts:
Mikimoto · 10/05/2023 06:53

This is no doubt the hilarious shared staffroom story of the week, sorry!

PS If you wanted to recover a tiny bit of face (5%?!), you could get your daughter to write a little report about her w/end to show the teacher.

Casperroonie · 10/05/2023 06:54

Actually teachers are supposed to follow up in case it's a safeguarding issue. Attendance issues can fall under safeguarding and if a child is bring asked to lie it can flag up other things. This sounds like a one off silly thing to have done but who's to say they won't make a habit of it? Hence why it can fall under safeguarding. The schools job is to make sure the children are safe, the parents could have just not asked their child to lie for them.

Zanatdy · 10/05/2023 06:54

Like you’ve realised you shouldn’t have asked your child to lie. You don’t get a fine for 1 day off. Just tell them you’re taking her out as you’re going away on a long weekend. A 6yr old is clearly not going to lie and she didn’t need to be unwell Thursday to be off sick Friday, sickness can come on anytime. The school won’t be impressed, what can you do?! It’s done and lesson learned

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Antisocialfluffmonster · 10/05/2023 07:03

Well that is absolutely mortifying. Just ignore it and carry on like it didn’t happen. It’s all you can do.

people getting upset and angry and you asking your child to lie, they are entitled to their opinion. It’s just not very sensible as young kids are going to blurt things out anyway.

I’ve tried to get my kids to not say things before. Not even lying, I’m asking them to stop telling people things that weren’t even true!!

Like stop telling people I ended up in a ditch (I hadn’t I was in a passing place and got stuck in the mud) but the more you bring something up the more likely they will just blurt out some random and totally muddled up version of what happened.

I even tried to get a toddler to stop telling everyone I gave them mouldy food when mouldy was what they called anything they didn’t like. Or something that had herbs in it…. It just doesn’t work. 😂 and the mouldy thing got me a call from social work

just ignore it, move on, never speak of it again but hope you enjoyed you’re holiday!

Freefall212 · 10/05/2023 07:04

Feeling mortified and embarrassed if the natural consequnece of wrong doing. It means you are human with a conscience! Those feelings exist to help good people do better and right wrong doings.

Having those feelings will be a reminder that you shouldn't ask your daughter to lie again!

Sj07 · 10/05/2023 07:07

I don't understand all the bashing. At all. It's funny that your daughter stuck you in. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting her have a few days off to enjoy a holiday with her family if and when you are able to. You'll recover, I'm sure the teacher has heard far worse than this.

Mikimoto · 10/05/2023 07:32

Sj07 · 10/05/2023 07:07

I don't understand all the bashing. At all. It's funny that your daughter stuck you in. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting her have a few days off to enjoy a holiday with her family if and when you are able to. You'll recover, I'm sure the teacher has heard far worse than this.

Actually, there IS something wrong with it.
Teachers have to report it and the parents have to be fined.

Sj07 · 10/05/2023 07:55

Mikimoto · 10/05/2023 07:32

Actually, there IS something wrong with it.
Teachers have to report it and the parents have to be fined.

Show quote history

Tell me what's wrong with a little girl missing one day of school to spend quality time with her family on holiday? Especially during a cost of living crisis when the average family simply cannot afford to travel during school holidays. A 6 year old missing one day of school to make memories that will last a lifetime with her family. Lighten up.

Oldnproud · 10/05/2023 08:01

At six, I lied to the teacher myself. I had forgotten to take my swimming kit that day, and was absolutely terrified that I would be in trouble, so I hurridly wrote a note on a scrap of paper to my teacher: Dear Mrs B, O has a cold so can't go swimming today.

She read it, smiled at me and said OK, but try to remember to bring your kit next time.

I can't think how she possibly saw through my clever plan! 😁

Blueisthecolour1 · 10/05/2023 08:09

Oh bollocks anyway, who cares! It’s funny. Teachers know more than you do about your lives

Conkersinautumn · 10/05/2023 08:14

My child was ill on the Friday,well actually no he was totally fine but had been sick in the night, pretty surethe school think I kept him off because of the OTT school coronation celebrations that day. But hey, I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

Redebs · 10/05/2023 08:16

Minierme · 09/05/2023 23:49

Yeah because lying and taking your child on a lovely family trip is exactly the same as physically abusing them and then lying. No difference whatsoever…..
I’m not condoning lying but I would not as a teacher have been thinking that a parent is therefore a safeguarding risk! That’s a massive leap. In fact a child who was being harmed probably would have (sadly) kept the lie. It’s the fact that her daughter isn’t accustomed to have to cover things up that means she immediately told her teacher!

Show quote history

But the point is, as a teacher, you don't know what the reason is. That's why lying about illness is potentially serious.

separately
I see my previous comment wasn't subtle enough 😔

LjLeo · 10/05/2023 08:18

I'd say you cringe and move on. I've done this, sometimes I'm honest and sometimes I'm not. I'm lucky that my daughter has never actually been poorly to miss school and her attendance is great so I don't see it as a big deal.

Loads of people saying don't ask her to lie, but how many people have told a white lie to get out of something, it's fine.

vickylou78 · 10/05/2023 08:33

Yes totally agree it's fine to take children out for a day or two but why lie why not just take as unauthorised absence? They don't fine until they've had more than 5 sessions off. I take my daughter out for about 3 random days a year but I don't lie about it!

amusedbush · 10/05/2023 08:34

Oldnproud · 10/05/2023 08:01

At six, I lied to the teacher myself. I had forgotten to take my swimming kit that day, and was absolutely terrified that I would be in trouble, so I hurridly wrote a note on a scrap of paper to my teacher: Dear Mrs B, O has a cold so can't go swimming today.

She read it, smiled at me and said OK, but try to remember to bring your kit next time.

I can't think how she possibly saw through my clever plan! 😁

At the age of 6, that's very cute - and resourceful! Far more charming than me getting raked over the coals for forging a note to get out of PE when I was 14 BlushGrin

timesaretight · 10/05/2023 08:35

You asked your daughter to lie, you should be ashamed.

civilrightsareoverrated · 10/05/2023 08:36

Casperroonie · 10/05/2023 06:54

Actually teachers are supposed to follow up in case it's a safeguarding issue. Attendance issues can fall under safeguarding and if a child is bring asked to lie it can flag up other things. This sounds like a one off silly thing to have done but who's to say they won't make a habit of it? Hence why it can fall under safeguarding. The schools job is to make sure the children are safe, the parents could have just not asked their child to lie for them.

Quite right @Casperroonie and you have historical precedent on your side. East Germany, took a similar view of parents lying to status apparatus. Loyal families were found for children so they weren't left in a state of risk by parents who broke or even questioned state rules.

Mikimoto · 10/05/2023 08:37

Sj07 · 10/05/2023 07:55

Tell me what's wrong with a little girl missing one day of school to spend quality time with her family on holiday? Especially during a cost of living crisis when the average family simply cannot afford to travel during school holidays. A 6 year old missing one day of school to make memories that will last a lifetime with her family. Lighten up.

Show quote history

...because your one day to Peppa Pig World because it's quieter becomes 2 days to Eurodisney for someone else, and a week in Orlando because it's half price for someone else, causing resentment among both students and parents (very special circumstances - great-grandma's 100th - notwithstanding).
Children need to understand what rules and commitments are. They have 14-15 weeks of holidays to do other things.

SVRT19674 · 10/05/2023 08:56

Your daughter blurting it out is hilarious, so is the teacher pulling you up on it. No more teaching your daughter to lie, it will bite you on the backside.

nearlyemptynes · 10/05/2023 09:02

When I was a child and I was at my cold and frosty grans house with my mum, I piped up, 'my daddy doesn't like coming here'!

EhLov · 10/05/2023 09:19

Antisocialfluffmonster your kids sound like a hoot 😂

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 10/05/2023 09:28

Haha! Parents across the land do this on a daily basis. I wouldn't worry about it, just say you were trying to avoid a fine! We live and learn.....

Bookworm20 · 10/05/2023 09:31

If it makes you feel any better similar happened to me. We were heading to center parcs for the weekend and were going to leave right after school on friday, then I realised dd (5) had a dentist appointment that friday at 12.30pm. So I thought, actually thats perfect, can go to the dentist then head off to center parcs right after as no point her going back into school for an hour and a half.

So that friday I went in to get her at 12.10 to go to the dentist and signed her out as 'appointment'. When the teacher brought her over she smiled and winked and said 'have fun'.
She probably thought i'd made up the dentist part so we could leave earlier as dd had obviously told her all about going to center parcs. I started to say oh no she does have dentist first, but thought, ah well, whats the point! So I just said, thanks.

anotherside · 10/05/2023 09:34

Oh bollocks anyway, who cares! It’s funny. Teachers know more than you do about your lives

Yeah, it’s not the end of the world. This silly fining business for taking kids on holiday really needs to be done away with. Kids often get more out of an interesting/exciting trip away then they would just another school day, while the class benefits from one less pupil requiring the attention of an overworked teacher.

Bresia · 10/05/2023 09:42

So funny - you'll laugh at this for years!

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