Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Husband really wants a dog, I really don't want one. What to do?

114 replies

cookiewoo · 06/05/2023 17:32

DH and I have been together many years and have a great relationship. We’re both very chilled and easy going and get on well.
The biggest disagreement of our whole relationship is that he desperately wants a dog and I desperately don’t want one.

My reasons are (in no particular order), I have cats which I adore and mean a lot to me. Having a dog would make them very unhappy and I do not want to put them through that stress.

I am a scared of dogs. I got bitten as a kid so I have a fear. However, I’m generally fine with friends dogs that I know and trust but if dogs bark, jump up or run towards me, I find it very scary.

I do not want the commitment of a dog. We both work full time and I am out of the house most days. We have kids and life is busy. I don’t need anything else to have to deal with. We had a rabbit and even the commitment of that I found annoying (but the rabbit was well cared for!).

Cost - dogs aren’t cheap and whilst we could afford it, I’d rather the money went towards work we have to do to our house.

His reasons for wanting one, he wants a companion that he will bond with, that he can take out with him, be by his side. His work is much more flexible so he could sometimes take a dog with him, but not always.

He thinks our children will enjoy having a dog before they get to old (whilst they would enjoy it I have no doubt that the novelty would wear off).

He thinks that he will train it and it will be a breeze and it will fit into our lives easily and the cats and dog will end up living happily together. I think he is very unrealistic with these expectations.

He says that If the tables were turned, he would just let me get a dog, which he would, that’s just what he’s like. He likes me to be happy.

But, I just can’t budge on this and I know he he is starting to resent me a bit. We are at an absolute stalemate. I do feel bad as it is just me preventing him having the one thing he desperately wants, but I have zero interest in having a dog!

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What did you do?
Should I cave in? Would I regret it?

OP posts:
DamnAndDashIt · 06/05/2023 17:35

Absolutely 100% do not get a dog.

Getting a dog when one person does not want it is really unfair to the dog. Ask your husband if he wants to be a dog owner, or a GOOD dog owner.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 06/05/2023 17:36

How dreadful for you. I intensely dislike dogs and would never have one in the house. The difference is that DH knew and accepted that before we got together.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I hope you can find a solution OP.

ShinySherry · 06/05/2023 17:36

Do not get a dog. I've literally known marriages break down over the chaos they can cause.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dogs
NewDogOwner · 06/05/2023 17:37

It's the same rules as having a baby: if one person doesn't want to, you don't do it.

We got our first dog and it's like having another member of the family to look after; it's not something he can manage quietly on his own with no impact on you. I love the dog but don't have the desire to go for a walk every morning and evening. I do it, though.

RandomMess · 06/05/2023 17:37

Love my dog but no, all adults need to be fully in board with the work of feeding, poop clearing, walking and training.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/05/2023 17:38

A lot of your reasons are nonsense, which isn't helping your case.

He thinks our children will enjoy having a dog before they get to old (whilst they would enjoy it I have no doubt that the novelty would wear off).

It doesn't. My childhood dog was a total joy and DD loves our dog more than anything else (including us!). They are great for your health, including fairly significantly for children.

However, 'I don't want one' IS a reason. Dogs shouldn't live with people who don't like them.

BMW6 · 06/05/2023 17:39

Then you don't get a dog. It's the same as choosing whether to have a child or not - if one person doesn't want to then that's the end of it.

Toomuchleopard · 06/05/2023 17:41

I got my dog when we already had a cat who was 13. She absolutely hated the dog and it took about 18 months to settle down. After that they weren’t friends but just about tolerated each other

FinchHinch · 06/05/2023 17:41

I am the big baddie in our house because I refuse to get any pets. I am allergic so it does make it easier to put my foot down on. But I also WFH and I know full well all responsibility for it would fall to me. So it will always be a no from me.

Why does your DH need to have something following him around all of the time?

ApplePie20 · 06/05/2023 17:42

Despite his work being more flexible, if you both work full time out of the house (as your post implies - as you say he could sometimes take the dog with him) then it’s an absolute no. I’d say that even if you were both desperate for a dog, let alone if it’s not something you actually want.

Hoppinggreen · 06/05/2023 17:43

Nope.
No dog.
There are so many reasons in your post why you shouldn’t but the most important one is that everyone in the house needs to want a dog

bluemidnightblue · 06/05/2023 17:44

Nope. He can use borrow my doggy and borrow one.

FourTeaFallOut · 06/05/2023 17:44

You don't want a dog in your home, so of course you don't get a dog. If you wanted another child but he didn't, you'd get a near total agreement that it would be absurd to have another. But brace for the crazy dog contingent to tell you that you are imposing some terrible injustice on your dh.

thewreckofthehesperus · 06/05/2023 17:46

This is a two yes, one no situation. I'm a dog lover but they're a huge commitment!

You say you worry he's starting to resent you but surely he knew you werent a dog person when you started seeing each other. If he forces your hand here you'll end up feeling resentful so theres no quick fix here.

I'd stand by the fact you've never been a dog person which he knew and him trying to force it on you isn't going to change that so he needs to make his peace and drop it.

LlynTegid · 06/05/2023 17:48

Even if you did not have cats, 100% no dog, given what you have described. Upsetting for your DH, but still no.

WillowtreeHouse · 06/05/2023 17:48

Don't get one if you feel this way, your DH is being very unfair.

As an aside your DC would not get bored of a dog. We got ddog when DS was 9 and he's as obsessed with him now ten years later, as he was when ddog was a puppy.

FlounderingFruitcake · 06/05/2023 17:48

This one of the rare 2 yes’s 1 no scenarios. Don’t get the dog.

rookiemere · 06/05/2023 17:49

Nope absolutely not.

We have a dog because DH wanted one. Rookiedog is a lovely creature but it's like having a toddler that never grows up. DS17 no longer wants to come on holiday with us, but isn't responsible enough to look after rookiedog, so we have to pay for expensive dog sitting which I organise as DH would probably just dump him in the nearest kennels and he would come back traumatised.

Rookiedog also having some issues with resource guarding at the minute so time and energy needs to be thrown into resolving that.

Also do not underestimate the extra mess. Our house smells of dog all the time and ideally the floors would be mopped every day, or rookiedog would be cleaned before being brought in.

I'm quietly seething much of the time, and he is a lovely dog , it's just a lot of extra work - I'd say 2 hrs a day minimum once you factor in the walking and extra cleaning.

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/05/2023 17:50

I gave in and resented the dog for 10 years. It caused many rows.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 06/05/2023 17:50

Did he know this when you got together? If it was a deal breaker he shouldn't have married you.

I love dogs and it would be something I'd check when looking for a partner.

IAmNotOkay · 06/05/2023 17:52

It's the same rules as having a baby: if one person doesn't want to, you don't do it

I agree with this and we have a dog, adored for 14 years. Absolutely wouldn’t have worked if one of us hadn’t have wanted the dog to begin with.

MargotBamborough · 06/05/2023 17:52

Everyone living in the house should have an absolute right of veto on getting a dog.

BeetleBailey · 06/05/2023 17:52

Don't get a dog

The amount of posts I see on here moaning about dog ownership is incredible

They smell, you have to walk them everyday, you can't leave them for more than twenty minutes alone or the world will end and they shit everywhere which you have to pick up and carry around with you

AdamRyan · 06/05/2023 17:53

Have you always said no dogs or changed your position over the years? I'm a dog person, exH initially said we would get a dog when we had the right house/time etc and then when that all happened he put his foot down and said no dog ever. I grew up with dogs and always,wanted one so felt betrayed. (I now have one).

I think its a bit unfair to say he can't have a dog, but I think it would be reasonable to say you won't do anything with the dog - make it clear it's his dog

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2023 17:53

Deciding whether to get a pet is a bit like deciding whether to have a child - whoever says "no" gets the final say.

There was a thread on here not long ago where a woman reluctantly agreed to get a dog after years of her DH pestering and she was utterly miserable and very close to filing for divorce. Dogs are a huge commitment and both adults need to be fully on board for it work.

Ultimately if your DH knew he would want a dog one day, he probably shouldn't have married/started a family with someone who was terrified of dogs. He knew what he was getting into from day one - it's not like you changed your mind, so IMO he needs to just suck it up, and I say that as a huge dog lover myself.

Swipe left for the next trending thread