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Original poster

How long would it take you or your DH to recover from jet lag? Not sure if iabu

123 replies

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:32

DH went to that me states for a month for work. He was working quite long hours, a few midnight finishes (and even later on a couple of occasions), however did have later starts (11am) and weekends off. I’ve been on my own with our two dds (1 & 4) for the whole month which has been relentless. Both wake up frequently through the night and dd4 is often away for an hour or two (currently waiting to be assessed for ASD).

so he got back on Friday morning. Not a single lie in for me although he had promised. He’s spent most of the time moping around, sleeping or sitting on his laptop. I’m absolutely shattered. This morning I asked him if he could wake up and sort their breakfast while I have an extra hour and he shouted at me. Said he was never going away again. He was in New York so the time difference is 5 hours, how long is reasonable to expect him to be involved in family life?

OP posts:
gogohmm · 02/05/2023 08:34

I flew a lot (8hrs time difference) with mine and you don't get a chance to wallow with jet lag if you are a parent! The good news is that despite them being grown now I don't get jet lag, though I did pre kids

Everybodysaycheese · 02/05/2023 08:35

I would be absolutely expecting him to be back into the swing of things four days after returning... Has he done nothing to help you all weekend?

Teacakeorcrumpet · 02/05/2023 08:35

For jet lag alone, I would expect an adult to be over it fully in a couple of days.

This sounds like not just jet lag.

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minmooch · 02/05/2023 08:36

I would have expected him to be fully involved with family life as soon as he got back. Perhaps go to bed later/or earlier the first night to reset body clock. But that would be it.

Original poster
Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:37

Not a peep! He got back Friday morning early (9am). I picked him up and he came home and slept all day while I took the dds to soft play and to a play date. Got home and he got up for an hour then went back to bed around 7pm and slept until 3pm the next day.

OP posts:
Can2022getanyworse · 02/05/2023 08:37

If he got back Friday morning I'd expect him to be up and running at 100% by Monday morning, for sure. Sunday would have been by negotiation after being in sole care of dc for a month.

I once returned overnight Sat/Sun and was in front of 30 kids all day Monday which nearly broke me, but Friday am to Monday with his own kids? Taking the piss!

Original poster
Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:37

And any requests for help are met with a huff and puff and a snarky comment.

OP posts:
Crabwoman · 02/05/2023 08:37

Coming back is worse, and notably worse now, I'm older. It would take me about a week to get back to normal sleep wise.

That being said, it wouldn't stop me from doing basic parenting, which he appears to be avoiding. Is everything else OK?

dudsville · 02/05/2023 08:39

Two things. 1) There's a compassionate theory that says to allow a day for each hr of time difference. 2) jet lag doesn't mean the living beings under your care can wait it out until then. It will help him adjust to get up and meet his responsibilities head on.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/05/2023 08:39

How proactive was he before he went away? My own dh would be desperate to spend as much time with the kids as possible if he hadn't seen them for a month that he would power through and have a load of 7pm bedtimes til he caught up.

Seainasive · 02/05/2023 08:40

I was on an overnight flight last month and didn’t get much sleep. it took me the best part of a week to feel properly myself again BUT that didn’t mean I got to opt out of parenting!

Lampzade · 02/05/2023 08:41

I don’t care how tired he is Op has been in sole charge of the dc for one month
. Op’s dh needs to do his share of parenting

Doggymummar · 02/05/2023 08:41

I would say a week from New York

TidyDancer · 02/05/2023 08:41

Hmm. I would say he's got used to doing what he wants when he wants to and is using jet lag to drag that out. I would probably have allowed the weekend for the adjustment given that he was away for so long but any longer than that and he's taking the piss.

emmetgirl · 02/05/2023 08:41

I spent a month in the Caribbean in January with a 5 hour time difference. Both me and DP to about a week to feel anything close to normal after we got back. We think it was the length of time we were away that did it.

Original poster
Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:42

i think he’s normally fairly detached from family life anyway it seems. He is the Important one with the Big Job. He goes away and is treated to a 5* hotel, all meals brought to him, coffee made for him etc. then he comes home to our 2 bed apartment with noisy DC and it’s the most miserable experience. Honestly it was easier when he wasn’t here because I just got on with it. Having potential help there but watching as they do nothing while you drown is torture.

OP posts:
JoanOgden · 02/05/2023 08:43

Jetlag comes and goes.. I'd expect him to be fine for much of the time but maybe need an afternoon nap or lie in. It's not an excuse for doing nothing for three days.

I got back from somewhere with a time difference of 5 hours on Sunday evening and am a bit tired but perfectly functional.

Original poster
Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:43

also didn’t have a soggy bath mat and dirty clothes strewn everywhere!

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 02/05/2023 08:44

Well, he did entirely the wrong thing by sleeping all day Friday. I used to do a fortnightly commute to New York and would get back first thing Friday and go straight to the office for a day of work. It sounds like he's wallowing in it rather than making any proactive attempts to get into a regular sleep schedule. And being a wanker about it too.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 02/05/2023 08:44

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:37

Not a peep! He got back Friday morning early (9am). I picked him up and he came home and slept all day while I took the dds to soft play and to a play date. Got home and he got up for an hour then went back to bed around 7pm and slept until 3pm the next day.

Nope.

And time dh or I have been to the states, we go to bed for 1-2 hours when we get home then stay up as long as possible that day and sleep until maybe an hour later than normal the following day. The day we arrive home is the only day we would struggle but we just get on with it. Dh struggles less than me as he sleeps on the plane whereas I very rarely manage to.

Your dh is taking the piss, particularly as he had late starts and late finishes over there so more in line with time at home.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 02/05/2023 08:46

Jet lag just stops you from sleeping at the normal time. He’s probably got the sleep deficit from the overnight flight to deal with too. From my experience of recent trips across the Atlantic it takes about 5-7 days to be completely normal, but that doesn’t stop me from doing my usual things at all. I’m usually at work the next day. I’m mid fifties.

He should have spent all Saturday outside playing with the kids. Exercise and daylight is good for resetting the internal clock.

CindersAgain · 02/05/2023 08:46

A week to feel normal again but 36 hours to be able to share family life.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/05/2023 08:49

Whether he's tired or not, he still needs to get out of bed and be a parent 🤷‍♀️

Soontobe60 · 02/05/2023 08:52

He’s taking the pi**. A 5 hour time difference doesn’t mean he will have any significant jet lag. I’ve been to the west coast of USA / Canada several times and gone into work a couple of days later. Yes, I’ve felt a bit odd, but still been able to function. You’d think he’d be delighted at seeing his children!
You need to get yourself ready to go out, leave the kids with him and tell him you’ll be back later.

willowstar · 02/05/2023 08:53

I have flown transatlantic quite a lot. Even for a week long trip it takes me about a week to get back to normal, but I just get on with things in the meantime and muddle through and take care of children etc...

His mistake was going to bed in Friday...should have forced himself to stay up as long as possible or just have a very short nap.