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Original poster

How long would it take you or your DH to recover from jet lag? Not sure if iabu

123 replies

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:32

DH went to that me states for a month for work. He was working quite long hours, a few midnight finishes (and even later on a couple of occasions), however did have later starts (11am) and weekends off. I’ve been on my own with our two dds (1 & 4) for the whole month which has been relentless. Both wake up frequently through the night and dd4 is often away for an hour or two (currently waiting to be assessed for ASD).

so he got back on Friday morning. Not a single lie in for me although he had promised. He’s spent most of the time moping around, sleeping or sitting on his laptop. I’m absolutely shattered. This morning I asked him if he could wake up and sort their breakfast while I have an extra hour and he shouted at me. Said he was never going away again. He was in New York so the time difference is 5 hours, how long is reasonable to expect him to be involved in family life?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 02/05/2023 08:55

5 days in new york didn't bother me but 3 weeks in florida finished me off but that was probably because it was such an exhausting holiday. Hit me for a week.

Dracuuule · 02/05/2023 08:58

It does take a few days to get back to normal. Probably up to a week.
But, after a days rest, you should be able to get in with normal life for most of the day.

DrWhoNowww · 02/05/2023 09:01

Soontobe60 · 02/05/2023 08:52

He’s taking the pi**. A 5 hour time difference doesn’t mean he will have any significant jet lag. I’ve been to the west coast of USA / Canada several times and gone into work a couple of days later. Yes, I’ve felt a bit odd, but still been able to function. You’d think he’d be delighted at seeing his children!
You need to get yourself ready to go out, leave the kids with him and tell him you’ll be back later.

Seconded. 5 hours shouldn’t result in any significant jet lag.

He sounds like he’s had a fairly intense month though so that won’t be helping - but he’s not going to get over that by opting out of family life entirely.

I’d maybe forgive a lazy day Friday but that’s it - at one stage I commuted to west coast America for one week out of the month - it was rough but I’d frequently land the Monday morning and still work the Monday. Just didn’t have the luxury of giving in to a weeks jet lag!

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frozendaisy · 02/05/2023 09:04

H would get the day he returned plus that night and morning to pull himself together, if he was tired he would have a strong coffee plonked in front of him and told to plough on through (morning/day after return).

If he returned 4am say he would get a lie in until noon max then told he would be out of sink and to pull himself together.

So between a half and a full day. Tops.

But he knows this and wouldn't want to or try to pull the "I can't deal with family life"shit. Because actually after being away a month he would have missed us all so would want to spend time with us.

SallyWD · 02/05/2023 09:04

I flew back from the states and it did take me a week to feel normal. I had to take extra time off work because I was so confused and exhausted. I really couldn't function well! Maybe it affects some more than others?

eurochick · 02/05/2023 09:05

I have travelled to the US quite a bit for work. Ime the first day back is pretty awful. I would be exhausted and spaced out. The key is to push through and keep normal timings however rough you feel. Then my body clock generally adjusts by about an hour a day. But after the first day I would be (and have been) fully able to participate in family life.

JenniferBarkley · 02/05/2023 09:06

Jet lag can be very individual, I'm normally over it much quicker than DH - largely because I don't do stupid things like go to bed in the middle of the day.

Jet lag doesn't get you out of parenting. DH goes away with work for a week to ten days at least once a year while I look after the DC (similar ages to yours), he gets and expects precisely zero minutes slack when he gets home. If he dared suggest he needed to rest and recover from a week in a hotel with drinks with friends and undisturbed sleep I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. He knows which one of us had the harder week!

Sisisimone · 02/05/2023 09:06

He is absolutely taking the piss, but you already know that don't you

ApolloandDaphne · 02/05/2023 09:07

My DH gets over jet lag really quickly. A week in India put him neither up nor down. I, on the other hand, am a hopeless mess for about a week after coming home long haul. I would really try to get on with things but would probably fall asleep every time I sat down.

Choconut · 02/05/2023 09:08

It's pretty sad OP that he's making it so obvious he'd rather be in the US at his five star hotel than with his family. Does he not want to spend any time with any of you? He sounds awful.

If you don't leave him then I'd hold him to that 'I'm never going away again'. Fuck that for a game of soldiers when he comes back like this.

Passerillage · 02/05/2023 09:08

You recover at a rate of 2 hours a day, I think (if you make an effort) but you just get straight back to it if you're a parent.

Also, how is "I won't leave you on your own with two tiny children for an entire month ever again!" a threat? Like "Okay, dude. Please DON'T then." 🤔

stealthbanana · 02/05/2023 09:13

Omg he’s being ludicrous

east coast jet lag is totally manageable. And if it’s not he needs a new job as his isn’t compatible with his life.

far out men are hopeless

junebirthdaygirl · 02/05/2023 09:18

Agree that he shouldn't have gone to bed when he arrived Friday. My ds travels there regularly and his strategy is stay up Friday until about 6 then sleeps right through until Saturday morning. By Monday morning has to be ready for work so no more talk of jet lag.
So definitely should be back to normal today and no more sleeping during the day as it really messes up your sleep. But there is a crankiness that comes with jet lag so maybe take that into account too. If he gets paid very well maybe next time he should book into a hotel for two days when he gets back so not sleeping in your space. Travel lodge at airport..nothing fancy!
Also needs to pay for some home help for you when he is away.

gamerchick · 02/05/2023 09:23

I have an extra hour and he shouted at me. Said he was never going away again

Jolly good. Tell him that if it means he gets to opt out of family life then that sounds like a good idea. No more going away.

kittykarate · 02/05/2023 09:27

I'm definitely in the 'day for every hour difference' camp - I really struggle with jet lag, though mainly when I'm actually 'away' as I struggle getting my days back into regulation. But you know, I'm not useless during those days, I push through my job as required and hold myself together with bacon, carbs and coffee.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/05/2023 09:33

To fully recover? About a week, ime.

But he's a parent. He can't just wallow around for days and leave everything family related to you.
I would have expected him to be present and functional again on Saturday morning.

CMOTDibbler · 02/05/2023 09:34

He is being a useless lump. For New York, I'd land early and be straight back in normal time zone and life as normal (and thats flying overnight in economy). Even California or Australia I feel a bit out of it on day one, but I'd be doing housework, childcare and so on as soon as I'm through the door.
DH did his first big overseas business trip to New York the other week and after a short nap when he got back as he hadn't slept well on the plan due to his arthritis playing up, he was up and cooking dinner, doing his washing, and an online customer meeting that afternoon

TheApplianceofScience · 02/05/2023 09:35

East coast or West coast , West Coast is vile.

Zipps · 02/05/2023 09:36

I have flown long haul at least once a year for years usually for a week, 10 days or two weeks and it can take me a week to get back to normal and sometimes a day. Same for DH. It's so unpredictable.

IsGoodIsDon · 02/05/2023 09:37

When I go to Australia it takes me at least a week to feel remotely normal and two weeks to be completely jet lag free. Though if you’re a parent to young kids you don’t have the luxury of taking time to get over it and you have to suck it up. I also find the best way of getting over jet lag is to get up and out of the house and not sleep in the day.

Cakeandcardio · 02/05/2023 09:37

He might not physically feel 'over it'. But he could have done things to help, like trying to get back into some sort of routine. I have done that when I travelled pre-child so was back to normal routine the day after arriving home. In addition, he's a dad so should have absolutely forced himself to help you out. Especially after he's essentially not been involved in family life for a month. He seems very self centred and useless. Sorry.

Remaker · 02/05/2023 09:39

5 hours? He’s taking the piss. He needs to get outside in the fresh air and sunlight if there is any and push through until a decent bedtime hour. Sleeping and lazing about during the day will only prolong his jet lag.

We live in Australia and DH has had to fly to UK/Europe (9hrs diff), US (up to 15 hrs), South America (13 hrs). When we had small kids he’d fly in early morning and would take them to the park by lunchtime. His sleep would be disrupted and he’d definitely complain about feeling tired but no way would he be yelling at me for asking him to help out. I’m furious on your behalf!

mindutopia · 02/05/2023 09:55

I used to travel between the west coast of the US (8 hour difference) and the UK for several years - a few months there, few weeks here, etc. I would say it takes about 4 days to not feel the effects of jet lag anymore and to be back to normal.

It never stopped me getting up and doing all my normal things though. I was just exhausted and out of it. But you have to get back to normal, otherwise it's much more difficult to adjust. I might need a nap in the afternoons, but I'd otherwise be functional from day 1.

rookiemere · 02/05/2023 10:12

Bit late now, but I used to suffer dreadfully from jet lag, but found taking Boots Sleepeze tablets for the first 2-3 nights both at destination and on return helped enormously.

So did a positive attitude and the need to parent my own DC. He is taking the mickey, particularly with the bath and soggy clothes. I'd have a come to Jesus conversation next weekend - when he is fully recovered- and tell him that he needs to man up on the parenting front.

SargentSagittarius · 02/05/2023 10:18

Tell him to get out into the sunlight, that’s what he needs to re-regulate his circadian rhythm.

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