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Original poster

How long would it take you or your DH to recover from jet lag? Not sure if iabu

123 replies

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:32

DH went to that me states for a month for work. He was working quite long hours, a few midnight finishes (and even later on a couple of occasions), however did have later starts (11am) and weekends off. I’ve been on my own with our two dds (1 & 4) for the whole month which has been relentless. Both wake up frequently through the night and dd4 is often away for an hour or two (currently waiting to be assessed for ASD).

so he got back on Friday morning. Not a single lie in for me although he had promised. He’s spent most of the time moping around, sleeping or sitting on his laptop. I’m absolutely shattered. This morning I asked him if he could wake up and sort their breakfast while I have an extra hour and he shouted at me. Said he was never going away again. He was in New York so the time difference is 5 hours, how long is reasonable to expect him to be involved in family life?

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 02/05/2023 12:03

My DM has just got back from the Caribbean (same time difference as your DH). 8hr flight delayed, she got back about 6.30 in the morning. Slept for 4 hours about 10am to 2pm and then back to normal. The friend she went with was the same, they're both mid-late 60s.

I know it affects everyone differently but he's taking the piss. Surely having young kids he should be used to being tired!?

pfftt · 02/05/2023 12:04

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:42

i think he’s normally fairly detached from family life anyway it seems. He is the Important one with the Big Job. He goes away and is treated to a 5* hotel, all meals brought to him, coffee made for him etc. then he comes home to our 2 bed apartment with noisy DC and it’s the most miserable experience. Honestly it was easier when he wasn’t here because I just got on with it. Having potential help there but watching as they do nothing while you drown is torture.

Pity big important man doesn't earn enough to buy a bigger house and pay for help. Bit of a failed Big Man

Caterina99 · 02/05/2023 12:20

He’s being ridiculous. Although you clearly know that

Flown US to UK several times, usually on my own with very small children. The jet lag is much worse coming to UK, but you have to force yourself to get up and get on with it.

DH does it fairly regularly and in your situation he’d be coffeed up to the eyeballs to stay awake as late as possible on Friday. Pass out around 7pm once kids in bed and sleep right through til morning. he might struggle a bit for the next few days, but he’s pretty much back to normal after that. Lying around in bed all day just makes it worse. You need to be outside in the sun, prefab my in the morning to re set your body clock.

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EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 02/05/2023 12:24

I do UK-US (both coasts) several times a year, and UK-Australia and/ or Asia at least twice a year. It’s best to power through jet lag to reset your body clock (and my university won’t pay for business class). Stay up as late as you can the day you get back, and get up as normal the next day. Job done.

Marymary987 · 02/05/2023 12:38

A day or two at the most. We got back from Orlando last Tuesday and my children went back to school Wednesday and were completely back to normal by the Weds night into Thursday. He’s taking the mickey and it will drag on longer if he doesn’t power through it.

Cherrysoup · 02/05/2023 13:10

Best thing to do is stick with local times, particularly if it’s not a huge flight. New York is only 5 hours, barely more than Turkey or similar. Seems me more than a jetlag issue, more a he can’t be arsed with family life issue.

Sallycantwaitnoel · 02/05/2023 13:20

How ridiculous. Mind over matter. One day/night should be enough for a normal, healthy adult. He’s taking the piss,OP.

LizzieSiddal · 02/05/2023 13:27

Honestly it was easier when he wasn’t here because I just got on with it. Having potential help there but watching as they do nothing while you drown is torture.

You’ve got more problems than his jet lag. He sounds as if he’s checked out of being a H and Dad, to be honest.

almostwarm · 02/05/2023 13:29

DH is very resilient with jet lag, I would take about four days.
But I would take melatonin and just get on the new schedule.
I am thinking that this has more to do with adjusting back to the reality of family life.

Original poster
Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 16:02

Is there a term used for behaviour like the following example?

trying to tell H that I need more help at home. Need to be able to have an hour to myself and then he comes out with “fine I won’t work anymore. I’ll stay at home and run the house. I’ll quit my job right now” and I then can’t get a word on edge ways. He always goes to next level extremes and then I feel like I can’t bring stuff up.

OP posts:
HurryShadow · 02/05/2023 17:16

I'd probably say "Don't be such an immature twat", but that probably wouldn't help matters!

Or "If we were divorced you'd have to look after them entirely on your own every other weekend, so maybe you might want to rethink that?"

Sorry OP - this is definitely about more than the jet lag. It's about your "D"H being a total and utter arsewipe and manchild that doesn't see children as anything more than something he's done for you.

Daftasabroom · 02/05/2023 17:53

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 08:37

Not a peep! He got back Friday morning early (9am). I picked him up and he came home and slept all day while I took the dds to soft play and to a play date. Got home and he got up for an hour then went back to bed around 7pm and slept until 3pm the next day.

Jet lag normally kicks in after about three days for me, no way would I sleep during the day in either direction.

hotcrossmummie · 02/05/2023 17:56

This just sounds like he's lagging and it's nothing to do with the jet!

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 02/05/2023 18:24

We went to Florida for 17 nights over Easter.
The thing to do is keep going until normal bedtime, then take melatonin or a sedating antihistamine.
We were back on normal time immediately.
If not doing this then it takes a week.

GCAcademic · 02/05/2023 18:28

In my job, it's normal for people to get back from trips to east and even west coast US and have to be back at work lecturing the following day. I'm sure my sector isn't unique in this. It's part of having a job that involves long-haul travel.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/05/2023 18:31

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 16:02

Is there a term used for behaviour like the following example?

trying to tell H that I need more help at home. Need to be able to have an hour to myself and then he comes out with “fine I won’t work anymore. I’ll stay at home and run the house. I’ll quit my job right now” and I then can’t get a word on edge ways. He always goes to next level extremes and then I feel like I can’t bring stuff up.

Yeah it's called being a manipulative prick. I had a little read through your other posts, and they add weight to my calling him a prick.

If I were you I'd be directing this frustration at looking at the practicalities of separation.

QuickGuide · 02/05/2023 18:33

I remember feeling practically at death's door for 48 hours, but not longer than that. I've only been once and I was shocked at how awful it was.

Tarantella6 · 02/05/2023 18:36

We went to LA in Feb half term (so 8h time difference). We came back on the Sunday afternoon, home by 6pm, and were at work/school on Monday morning. My kids are 7 and 9, if they can do it I'm sure an adult can soldier on 😉

HadalyEve · 02/05/2023 18:42

So,
His sleep after returning is not normal. Red eye arriving at 9am, slept all day, up for an hour went to bed at 7pm and slept until 3pm the next day. I’d be wondering about a medical condition.

The going nuclear every time you ask him to do a bit of parenting is awful (I won’t call it help, as it’s his job and you’ve been doing his share). Why is he so angry? I could not put up with that.

He needs to see a doctor as he seems to be unusually fatigued and weak for an adult, and pull back from work a bit to do his share of parenting.

Gymnopedie · 02/05/2023 18:52

Endlessdark · 02/05/2023 16:02

Is there a term used for behaviour like the following example?

trying to tell H that I need more help at home. Need to be able to have an hour to myself and then he comes out with “fine I won’t work anymore. I’ll stay at home and run the house. I’ll quit my job right now” and I then can’t get a word on edge ways. He always goes to next level extremes and then I feel like I can’t bring stuff up.

Yes, it's 'I don't give a flying fuck about you or the children, you are only here to make my life easier by washing, cooking and providing sex' -itis.

Honeyroar · 02/05/2023 18:55

The airline I worked for used to say two to three nights to get over East Coast jet lag. In reality if I needed to be getting on with something (like child or animals care) I would just get up and on at it.

MangshorJhol · 02/05/2023 18:57

Erm his job is 9-5 presumably. You can say that you’ll do housework and kids only for those hours and you need annual leave and a lunch break?
This is nonsense. DH travels a lot for work and jumps in from the moment he gets in.
His behaviour is that of an aggressive dickhead (your DH). I have no idea why he thinks it’s okay to speak to you like that. Would you let anyone else treat you like that?

DietCokeUser · 02/05/2023 18:58

He’s being an arse and blaming it on jet lag.

I used to go to the States regularly for work and would just get on with it- no moping about at all. Napping and lounging around just drags it out. So my answer is “it take no time to get over jet lag if you actually want to”.

annonymousmouseinyourhouse · 02/05/2023 19:20

Why can't he take phenergen to sort his sleep out? 2 days fine, a week? No. He's being lazy and needs to get up and parent tired or not.

DoeRayMe · 02/05/2023 19:30

I hope you love him because it doesn't sound like he values your contribution to the family.

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