How long would it take you or your DH to recover from jet lag? Not sure if iabu

[Endlessdark]

DH went to that me states for a month for work. He was working quite long hours, a few midnight finishes (and even later on a couple of occasions), however did have later starts (11am) and weekends off. I’ve been on my own with our two dds (1 & 4) for the whole month which has been relentless. Both wake up frequently through the night and dd4 is often away for an hour or two (currently waiting to be assessed for ASD).

so he got back on Friday morning. Not a single lie in for me although he had promised. He’s spent most of the time moping around, sleeping or sitting on his laptop. I’m absolutely shattered. This morning I asked him if he could wake up and sort their breakfast while I have an extra hour and he shouted at me. Said he was never going away again. He was in New York so the time difference is 5 hours, how long is reasonable to expect him to be involved in family life?

Jet lag can be a bastard but I find I really don’t get over it until I am very disciplined with myself. You have to force yourself up at a normal time and no napping. When we’ve travelled and had no choice but to get back to work/school it passes quickly.

He hasn't seen his wife and very young DDs for a month and he behaves like this. I'd be really hurt OP.

Was your 4 year old excited to see him? How did he respond to her?

i've travelled a lot for work including to the US.

I used to find it tough when the kids were little. I'd get off a transatlantic flight and come in to find the kids needed me instantly and DH needed a break but I was exhausted from intense work + jetlag and needed to decompress. but I would get on with it for the kids sake, and that only lasted 24 hrs anyway.

if your DH is complaining about jetlag after more than 2 days, he is being ridiculous.

I can't comment on the jet lag OP, but this really rang a bell with me . I became single when my dc were 9 months, and 2yrs. Being on my own with them is SO much easier than being with a husband who does nothing - theco start hope and expectation that they might help dollowed by constant feelings of disappointment when they inevitably don't.

He needs to snap out of it, I was back to work the next day coming back from Vegas. Wallowing is the worst way of dealing with jet lag.

Next time he goes get him to buy some melatonin gummies.

Why has my comment been hidden?! I just said he needs to crack on and look at buying melatonin next time he goes!

He sounds like a prick but tbh I find jet lag awful and it takes me about a week to feel functional from an 8 hour time difference so I think 5 days of feeling like shit isn't unreasonable. He's going into it from a great position though, a whole month of undisturbed nights so it shouldn't be so hard for him!

Having said that, you've not exactly been on holiday for a month and he needs to pull himself together and give you a break no matter how shit he feels.

Comfortably, it is about a day for every hour.

Realistically, you can force it in a day or two. I travel to the west coast often. We land at Heathrow on a Sunday and the kids are back in school the next day and DH and I are back at work. And actually, this feels better. Short term pain but it's over and done with.

No excuse for wallowing in it when things need doing.

Doesn't sound like he is generally supportive, OP.

I find jetlag gruesome, btw, but think you might be focusing on wrong issue.

He's a man child. We went to the US on holiday last year and had a night flight back, arriving at around 7am. We were knackered as we'd not slept on the flight and were contending with an 8 hour time difference.

We had a danger nap when we got home - just for an hour or so, then battled on through the rest of the day until a reasonably bedtime (9pm I think).

Don't get me wrong, we were absolutely wrecked and wouldn't have been able to look after a child particularly well on the day we arrived back, but an early night and an epic 12 hour sleep meant that by the next day we were over the worst of it.

You just have to fight to stay awake the first day then it's quite easy to get back on track, albeit a little bit more tired than normal.

We landed on the Saturday morning and I was back in the office on Monday morning without a bother. He really is milking it!

This isn't really about the jet lag at all, though, is it?

I think he is suffering from adulting lag. Can be overcome with a bit of willpower, but only if you're not a wanker.

No, of course it’s not reasonable. I recently did a similar trip, back at a similar time, and was straight back into childcare on landing. That’s what I wanted as I’d missed my DC so much.

’important one with the big job’ reminds me of my dad. It always made me feel like me and the rest of the family were so unimportant, second class citizens, you name it.

His mistake was to go to bed Friday daytime. Stay awake Friday, have early night and be back up and 100% normal on Saturday morning- that goes for me, DH and toddler DD who used to fly transatlantic quite a lot as everyone we knew from home decided to get married or have a significant birthday whilst we were living in Chicago 🤣

DH did Singapore via San Fran a few times and did struggle a bit but he wouldn’t behave like that. You just do your best to get on with it.

New York? He’s taking the piss. I don’t even consider jet lag unless the flight is 12 hours or more.

We fly to the USA or the Caribbean at least twice a year. The flight home means a night without sleep for me as I can’t sleep on planes. You just power on through until bedtime when you get home and then you’re fine.

I've flown to a country with an 8 hour time difference several times. I "allow" 24 hrs total rest, another 24 up at normal times but taking it easy. Normal life resumes on day 3. Be that going back to work or out and about doing things. And that is through my 40's and 50's so I'm not a 20 something with bags of energy. I would have expected him to be back to mostly normal by Sunday.

You need to get a job yourself. He's a prime candidate for chucking in "family life".

If he's got a big job you should be buying in help.

Absolutely this. My dh has travelled a lot with work, and jet lag has never affected him doing his bit with the kids. He goes to bed early if needed but that's it. Even after 11hr time differences.

Bloody hell, I travel back and forth between London and sydney with an 11 hour time difference and two days is reasonable. Couple of early nights and the rest you just power through. He's taking advantage!

I tend to get straight back to things. A 5 hour time difference really is negligible . I often go straight to work after the red eye beck from the States, then go to bed early and next day I’m pretty much normal.

About 5 days for me

My DH travels a lot (mostly to US West coast) and needs to sleep when he gets in but will be mostly fine the next day if he's travelled business class. If he's travelled economy a day or two as he can't sleep in economy (I can't either so I'll give him that). He does try to time return flights to the US night so he actually wants to sleep on them.

😮

My BIL is an ex international sportsman. They were supposed to get one day per hour to adjust (although the sports body was constantly trying to knock it down to save costs).

So if he needs to perform at his best for his Olympic heat then he won’t be able to until tomorrow. If you just need him to change the toddler’s nappy, chuck cheerios at both kids and discuss who is the best character in Thomas the Tanks Engine for an hour - well - I’ve done that having had no sleep at all in the past 48 hours. It’s just parenting.

My dh used to work away a lot. If he returned at 9am on a Friday I'd expect that he'd have a few hours sleep, get up and get involved and then have an early night and fully functioning by Saturday morning. Your dh is an arse.