My celebrity boss is a lunatic I'm losing the plot

[Niceseasidetown]

My boss is a celebrity in our industry. Think: 100s of 1000s of social media followers, his own podcast...and all the ego that goes with that.

He is also rude (telling people their ideas are fucking shit), a huge micromanager and a bully. Everyone at work says this, not just me. His adoring fans don't see this side of him.

When I took the job he wasn't my boss. He fired my boss publicly saying he wasn't up to the job and now I have to work much more closely with the celebrity boss. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am criticised for everything and publicly. Literally not one thing is right (even obvious achievements). I'm mocked and ridiculed. I'm very experienced and well paid and in my 40s. I'm good at my job.

I'm obviously looking for a new job.

Spoke to HR who just sighed and said he is like that. He owns the company.

How do I cope. I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I also have to manage a team who he undermines me in front of.

Literally every hour is miserable and terrifying.

I can't do anything legally or practically. I need emotional coping tips because I am a wreck. I worry what this is doing to my physical as well as mental health.

Get a note pad and write everything down with how he asks you to complete it. Then when he says it wrong you can go back and say no on this date you asked me to do it this way. Try to recognise that if he is doing this to everyone this isn't a you problem it's a him problem. When you can tell yourself you have an exit plan and this isn't your fault then it will make it easier to cope for the next couple of months. You need to quite quit, only do the minimum to not get fired. Not staying late and working through lunch will make it all easier. When you leave work go for a walk or something to try and switch off from work. Do something to release the day before going back in to your house. Then you don't take the day in to your safe space. I really hope it all works out

I don't know the answer, you need a psychologist to help.

But I've had to deal with someone like this and after fetting badly burned a gew times offering my opinion/advice etc, I stopped doing that and would ask him what he wanted etc. I basically fauned over him.HeIf he says ABC is BS, agree with him - you think ABC is BS, well yes we all know you're always right. Tell you team to do the same. I suppose the outcome could be different to mine, but he stopped being such an AH. He actually started to double check and at some stage I started to redirect - gently. I didn't stay any longer than I needed to, but it meant I kept on good terms even though I knew he was an AH!

Join a union. You can join as an individual and will have access to legal advice and support. Unite is appropriate for most occupations.

This is absolutely my thought - keep a diary and start a novel! You can vent your ire in a safe and cathartic manner by giving the villain hair loss, kidney stones, erectile disfunction - the sky's the limit, since this is just for your own stress relief, rather than heading for a publisher and their libel lawyers!

Have a few stock answers ready as PP have said,
"Why didn't you reply to mad email at 3am?"
"I need to sleep between 10pm and 6am in order to be on top of things at work"
"That's pathetic, I only need 5 hours' sleep!"
"I can ask HR to recruit night cover if you'd like?"
...and so on. Basically if he's so far superior then he'll be able to think up MUCH better answers than you to any given issue, so let him......... 'enough rope to hang himself ' is the phrase, isn't it?

Print out a strip of paper which says, "If you're going through hell, keep going" and keep it in your pocket at all times while working!

And moan on here - you seem to be wisely discreet, and sticking to non-identifiable complaints, so I'd be surprised if there's any comeback.

Mad Guru Diaries could be your next project - sounds like you could write a book and I hope you do.

I once worked for someone in PR, she was like Edina in AbFab but without the comedy. I had a breakdown and left. Pleased that you are going to find something else. Good luck.

@Niceseasidetown you can make a claim after you leave employment. Even with a 'non-disclosure' agreement you will be able to discuss bullying in the workplace without giving away 'confidential business and personal matters'.

What you are dealing with is unfair and illegal (that's not what a non-disclosure is there to cover) and if you don't report it what happens to the next person, and the one after that. I'm not suggesting you do anything while you are employed, just get your ducks in a row.

"If you have to leave your job because of severe bullying that your employer did nothing about, you might be able to make a claim to an employment tribunal for constructive dismissal."

See the link here: helpful advice

Note in the article it is says you should keep a record of:

• how the bullying made you feel
• dates and times it happened
• any evidence, for example emails or screenshots of social media posts
• any witnesses

Why do you feel you can't do anything legal?

This is such a fucking stupid idea.

It would be all too obvious who recorded it and leaked it, and this guy is clearly someone who would seek revenge, ruining the OP's future prospects.

OP, just get a new job and move on.

Join a union

I'm assuming there's a reason why people want to work for these twats, maybe it's money or some reflected celebrity status.

Not being able to quit a job that is destroying you mentally and physically , because of financial reasons, probably is something to reflect on when this is all over. You can't trap yourself like this.

Personally being sacked by this monster sounds like a badge of honour, and wouldn't affect your future employment chances. I would assume everyone in the industry will know what they are like.

If you are going to stay, make some ground rules for yourself. Work your contracted hours, stand up for yourself, and don't let him drag you down any further. Yes, you may get sacked but that doesn't sound like the worse thing in the world. You may get some compensation, because it doesn't matter who is he, there are employment laws and workers rights, specifically to stop bad bosses exploiting workers ( modern day slavery, health and safety violation) and his expensive lawyers will be able aware of that .

If the first name begins with G I have heard several unpleasant stories from friends about working for him!

I've worked for some absolute dreadful people, in fashion, advertising. Men and women.
None of your experiences surprise me.

Sort your cv out and get job hunting. Write out your perfect job role. Obviously , must be narcistic lunatic' won't be on your must have. Ask new boss in interview how he copes in an emergency. Ask what the nicest thing he has done for an employee recently. Ask to meet the team. Ask if the salary is high due to hidden challenges. Make clear you are not a 24/7 - you're not a shareholder.

In the meantime, you can't change him, but you can change your reaction. Find a sense of humour when dealing with him. Remind yourself it's not personal.

Tell yourself if you haven't found a job in 2 weeks then you are resigning anyway and project manage your job hunt.

I've worked for people like him. You cannot change him. Joining a union won't make any difference.

For your own mental health, imo, you need to start caring less. He makes a stupid decision and wants you to implement it? Do it, don't argue or present differing data. You've got your escape route planned.

He is, in a way, paying you to do what he wants you to do. So do it, and stop stressing that it's not the right way or the right thing to do.

When I was being bullied by 2 colleagues and not supported by my boss at all, my best friend compared my bullying (of 2-3 years) to hers of far less which was basically her being left out of water cooler conversations and partly because she was new there and a strong character. Another friend actually tackled me on a day out with other friends as she “didn’t think it sounded as bad as all that really”. I think real life friends sometimes just don’t get it and can’t be impartial compared to randoms on the internet!

A previous boss I stayed working for him for 2 months and was forced to resign. He was fine at interview stage, then he’d loudly say something “was not fine” after I’d left his office (heard through a glass door/partition). His ex PA/office manager I found out had left after similar behaviour, his part time bookkeeper left after similar behaviour and his colleagues the year before had taken him to the pub and issued an ultimatum that if things didn’t improve they’d leave. I had to open his personal post and found a letter detailing local treatment at the psychiatric hospital.

He screamed, shouted, made sarcastic comments, unreasonable demands and threw things across rooms.

I got my own back by leaving a nasty review about his business and did this twice.

Why some men (and women) bosses behave like this I’ll never know.

I've worked with narcissists before but I think this guy is a psychopath or sociopath...his behaviour is so extreme.

You're right whoever said that I need to learn how to give the impression I agree with him. And stop trying to make him see sense (some of his decisions are insane).

I've got a lot of experience dealing with sociopath narcissists sadly.
I agree with the advice you've been given

1. Keep a log and document everything and get your log out of your work building. Remember if the shit hits the fan for you, your work computer, phone etc will be accessed and torn apart looking for evidence against you so make sure there isn't any record of your record keeping as it were. This means (for example) having a little note book where you take hand written notes - type it up on your own private computer when you get home. If you don't have a laptop or computer you own yourself - buy one. Same with copies of emails - don't print them or send them to yourself as you'll leave a work trail - take screen shots on a phone or camera that you own.

2.Grey rock is one technique. Another which can be fun if you find little keys that turn locks is to pander to his narcissism or work with it.

Tell him how he's SO right, how marvellous he is, work out what his grandiosity attaches to (wealth, material success, attractive partner on his arm, power, - any of these things could be his primary source of supply) and then tap into that by flattering it.

I worked out that in certain circumstances the Sociopath would just do the opposite of what I suggested - like should we have the flyers in black or white - if I said white, he'd pick black. Once I'd worked it out, I had a lot of fun recommending the opposite and watching him go my way.

These people suck your soul out of you so gettin away is the best idea - but in the meantime, this can make your life easier. They just want to feel grandiose and the centre of their world. It's hard to live with long term but this can get you through a few weeks.

3.Get another job as you know. Agree with other advice about working out your sick leave period and how much money you need to get you through.

The good thing is that you are building an exit strategy. Which means you just have to get through the next x weeks. As people e have said sick leave. Take Annual leave (although it might be better to save it to use as partial notice.
As someone earlier said

He makes a stupid decision and wants you to implement it? Do it, don't argue or present differing data. You've got your escape route planned.

I agree with this, but make sure you cover yourself. Send a confirmatory email, just to confirm, my understanding is that you wanted me to do xyz with the supply chain. I did mention that this would result in abc.. but I will abide by your decision to .... and will implement your plan as instructed... Or words to that effect.

Because if the plan suggested doesn't work out, he will deny that it was his idea.

I found grey rock worked, also trying to maintain a calm and relaxed body language (ie head up, not allowing myself to cringe.) Because half the time he wanted attention or to provoke a reaction.

BTW I notice that you said you sent him a load of ideas yesterday - on a Sunday? Unless you normally work Sundays Only work your hours and not on a bank holiday.
Have a pre thought out set of excuses for why you can't work evenings or weekends if that is outside your normal hours. Or just say. Unfortunately, I cannot send that tonight, I will work on it from 9.00 am tomorrow. If he kicks off. Print out the email.

But overall I'd say Get OUT as soon as you possibly can.
There is no gain to be had in finding "good ways" to deal with him. It may get you through the day but it is just as exhausting. It will only grind you down. This doesn't have to be your life.

Even a temporary job which is not ideal but doesn't contain daily verbal attacks, is going to be much better than this and then you can career plan in peace. Best of luck.

Sounds like a possible case for constructive dismissal if his behaviour is forcing you to leave your job.
I hope everything works out for you - show him you mean business xx

great work @SirTarquin 👌

''@MzHz · Today 12:44
Who’s going to pay the legal fees @Niceseasidetown will have to pay out to even get this anywhere near tribunal? Assuming that she actually qualifies?

this guy can keep this shit going forever and bankrupt her in the process with the sunken cost fallacy.

even an only vaguely arsehole of an employer could run up £30,000 of fees for @Niceseasidetown and it still not get to tribunal

justice costs a LOT of money and if the judge is a dud, in a bad mood etc, you lose. And this clown would pursue you for costs too.''

What are you on about?

You don't have to pay any fees to make an employment tribunal claim.

If you lose, you don’t automatically have to pay your employer’s costs either.

In all likelihood anyone with a public profile would not want to go to the tribunal stage anyway.

i have a boss who is also a complete twat and has made me cry.

so what i do now is if i'm talking to someone near her i make sure i have my back to her and speak a lot more quietly so that she can't hear what i'm saying (it's literally nothing interesting what i'm saying) and i hope that winds her up massively. it's the only way i can deal with her without losing my shit completely

she knows she's a complete bitch and that everyone hates her. she even told me that.

i feel your pain.

The media are interested about celeb gossip but only on their terms. Better just to move on.
Clarkson moved to Amazon after punching that Producer who didn't have the pr backing. All forgotten now.
Strawbridge was also in the news with allegations of bullying his TV crews, #metoo, it was reassuring to hear others had been in the same boat but ultimately C4 honoured his contract and just brought in a different production company.

Best wishes for the new week ahead with your head in a strong position.

A quick reminder that when you are interviewing for other jobs, be VERY careful what you say.

Firstly, if it's a small industry things can get back to him and if it's before you leave that could be uncomfortable. And you never know whether an interviewer is a friend of a friend of his or even a close friend themselves.

Secondly, some interviewers may consider slagging down your boss is a) unprofessional and b) shows a lack of discretion. There are ways of not lying but talking sort of cagily about the situation with phrases like "direction the company is moving", work/life balance (e.g. emphasising the extra 6 hours a day), or even the old "conflict of styles/personalities"

@Allergictoironing @Niceseasidetown "A quick reminder that when you are interviewing for other jobs, be VERY careful what you say."

100% true. Never say anything negative about previous jobs or co-workers in an interview.

It gives an insight to you and makes the interviewer question what you might say about them or that you may be a difficult employee.
An interview is about 'growing your career, facing new challenges where there are opportunities for you to learn more and use your expertise in a team' etc. Its not about your co-workers or previous employer - IT is about your previous 'position / role / job spec'

Flatter the tosser whilst you look for a better job. Agree with him, he's always right, such a privilege to work here etc. Get a good reference and get out ASAP.

Can I ask you guys though...could I find him so hard because I have an ego problem? He IS the multi-millionaire...do I have an attitude problem?

no, you have a "boss is a horrendous bully" problem,