My celebrity boss is a lunatic I'm losing the plot

[Niceseasidetown]

My boss is a celebrity in our industry. Think: 100s of 1000s of social media followers, his own podcast...and all the ego that goes with that.

He is also rude (telling people their ideas are fucking shit), a huge micromanager and a bully. Everyone at work says this, not just me. His adoring fans don't see this side of him.

When I took the job he wasn't my boss. He fired my boss publicly saying he wasn't up to the job and now I have to work much more closely with the celebrity boss. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am criticised for everything and publicly. Literally not one thing is right (even obvious achievements). I'm mocked and ridiculed. I'm very experienced and well paid and in my 40s. I'm good at my job.

I'm obviously looking for a new job.

Spoke to HR who just sighed and said he is like that. He owns the company.

How do I cope. I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I also have to manage a team who he undermines me in front of.

Literally every hour is miserable and terrifying.

I can't do anything legally or practically. I need emotional coping tips because I am a wreck. I worry what this is doing to my physical as well as mental health.

How is your sickness leave paid partial or in full ? Personally I would be on the lookout for another job asap , nobody can work like that without feeling mentally drained non stop . If you get paid in full then find a way to get sick leave while your look for work .

Brilliant. Save this for after you have got a much better job and no longer need references.

Agree with PPs that journaling and keeping records of all interactions with times/dates is very necessary and will help you. Grey rock as much as possible. Work on your resilience by looking after yourself (eating healthy, rest, exercise) as much as possible. After this, you will find you can cope with pretty much anything.

I'm looking forward to reading your anonymous exposé, disguised as a story with "characters that bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead" in a year or so.

Life is short, so quietly find another job. Get your job references sorted using anyone but him. In the meantime, start collecting evidence on his behaviour. He sounds like a toddler so it won't be too hard to get him to send you some highly inappropriate text messages, emails and so forth. Put in a formal grievance in writing to HR prior to leaving, and let them do their internal investigation. Of course, you know this won't go in your favour, but do a subject access request upon leaving under the Data Protection Act. This should include all phone calls, CCTV footage and written documents. Collect a file of evidence, and then consider legal action. Some solicitors offer no win no fee deals based on the merit of the case, and may be interested in this being a high profile case given that your boss is someone famous.

So sorry OP.
From my experience with a horrific boss; grey rock, quiet quitting and diarise EVERYTHING you can. Exit strategy is hopefully helping you-are there industry headhunters that could help? Just knowing you’ll be wanted elsewhere could boost you and help you detach. It did me(not a celeb boss but my word she certainly thought she was).

I say quiet quitting because if you can do no extra than contractually obligated to, that includes giving this person and their business your headspace outside paid hours. Appreciate that’s easier said than done though.

It’s exhausting second guessing unpredictable moods, representing nonsensical business decisions and bonkers-presented-as-genius strategies. I so feel for you.

You’ve got the support of everyone here 💐.

dont let him get to you. just think of him as the joke that he is. imagine he isnt wearing any clothes, or imagine him wearing something ridiculous, like a sumo wrestler or bunny girl costume when he is shouting and being abusive, When he is sitting down, imagine he is on the toilet. just think of yourself in a suit of shiny armour, that all his words bounce off of. He is not worth any of your emotional energy at all, just remember what an annoying tiny little mosquito he is

People should agree to his lousy decisions and let nature take its course. Just let staff pop out for last minute ingredients and be unable to find them. Stop trying so hard. Do as he tells you then watch the fallout. It might end up with him going out of business 😀

Ps- On a lighter note I also used to fantasise about writing the next Devil Wears Prada. Go for it x

Do he work in the diet industry and have a tattle threads about being “wish James smith” or something like that? If not there’s an interesting thread with a similar boss on there!

Anyway, get out asap. Get your Cv written up and start applying, it will keep you occupied and focused forward. Do bare minimum in the meantime and do lots of things you enjoy x

I want to give you all medals.

Tomorrow isn't helping. So in the made up scenario parallel we are "opening our biggest restaurant yet".

So much of this is getting written down. I am reading it all and laughing/ nodding furiously.

You've honestly given me more strength than real life friends somehow and just tons and tons of things I can do to stop being in such an emotional mess about it all.

This was me two years ago, and the only answer is you have to either leave or completely emotionally detach and set super firm boundaries. My boss would try multiple times to trample boundaries but once he realised you meant it, would actually respect your boundaries (eg asking me to join a conference call on booked annual leave, and me having to firmly say no because he'd known for weeks about my annual leave and so the call could be rescheduled). Good luck with it, I used to have stress nightmares and stay up til all hours working because I felt the same way as you. Two years after leaving, life has never been better though!

Can you go to GP and get a note and take stress leave?

🥳👍
(I hope you can keep us updated without risking outing yourself too much 👀)

At the end of the day OP, you’re brilliant. Your colleagues know it, you should know it. Despite appearances, your celeb lunatic boss definitely knows it.

I was working for someone absolutely horrific many years ago - only a six month contract so there was an end in sight. There was also a lot of international travel and long long days and it was very stressful. My boyfriend at the time bought me a really pretty little notebook and told me it was called the little book of shit and to write everything bad down in it. It really helped though I always felt terrified it might be discovered somehow. Good luck getting through the next couple of months.

Silently quit will work for you. Go through your contract and work to the letter. Do not work more hours.

Get your cv sorted out. Take a day off sick to do so, tomorrow. Contact private client agencies to find a new job, even just contract cover.
Be honest. One of the reasons these jobs are paid so much is because of what you describe. All agencies will know this. It's called dickhead tax.

Speak to at least 3 of the top agencies on your ' day off'

Then get on linked in, update your profile, put yourself as open for work and search for a job. Say 1 month notice but could be less due to how your boss has treated people in the past.

Contact your old boss and find out if they are looking for staff. Openly job hunt.

Disengage, do your job, and email yourself any well done etc emails, plus your contract. Wipe down your laptop so nothing personal on there and delete all passwords not work related. Damage limitation to you all the way.

I did also get my sweet and dignified revenge one day, where he hired an actual agency to replace me when I left my role and clearly didn't realise I had been invited by his COO to the handover call. He joined late via his mobile so I assume he couldn't see the list of Zoom attendees, and went off on a rant TWICE within the first 2 minutes of joining about how sh*t I was at my job, much to the mortification of my colleagues who were on the call with me and knew exactly how good I was.

I stayed quiet as the COO frantically messaged him repeatedly to let him know I was actually there and could hear everything, then when he awkwardly paused and said "Uh, Pineapple, do you have anything to add?"

I am very proud of the fact that I was able to say calmly: "Yes, I'd just like to reassure everyone on this call that I am extremely competent at my job and have in fact made BOSS millions over the past few years."

Total silence.

Felt amazing. He couldn't deny it. And the new agency knew what kind of person he was from the outset. He hasn't changed though, I heard the agency fired him for being such a nightmare to work with after a couple of months :)

No way would I deal with this kind of behaviour in my 40s. Just leave.

If you are supposed to work an extra 5 hours, outside your time zone, check your contract.

If there is no mention of this, then drop him a note saying you must raise this as you are working x-x and not more. Perhaps he could hire an assistant for those hours, but you won't be.

If he loses his temper,on email, just write back and don't witter.

If he calls you, be firm and breezy. If he is rude and shouting say, you know, all this yelling is one of the reasons I can't work extra hours. If he says 'I will sack you, say ' leys book a time to discuss this calmly. If you don't want to, then we can come to a mutual arrangement in thar I will leave now, but with a month's paid notice in full and holiday pay of two weeks upfront, ie before resigning'

Have you signed an nda?

You aren't married to him, so stop being his 24/7 assistant.

I’ve been in a similar situation but in what sounds like a smaller office so no HR - person was ‘known’ but it was their spouse who had the much higher status which was partly why they were so hideous as had a huge inferiority complex, I was constantly on edge and and had horrific stress dreams but was desperately trying to get a year on my CV. In the end I had to give notice as he pushed me too far and I felt on the edge of a breakdown - honestly - it didn’t do my career any good and it’s still recovering so not sure if they was the right decision but I actually think I was at breaking point and friends say it took over 6 months for me to start seeming like my normal self.

Looking back I wish I’d written everything down as there is fodder for a novel. It was a really bleak time but I will always be grateful to how kind and supportive people I worked with were (clients/ contractors etc) when they realised what a dick that person was - they would go out of their way to try and help me out and add some humour to my day and we could collectively try and avoid the ‘rage’. I can now see the humour in it but it took a long time - I struggled while in the thick of it.

As an aside - does your person have the initials SB?

Is he 'sell story to Daily Mail' famous?

Because whistleblowing powerful men is a good earner these days. And I don't mean that to sound cynical - it just is. And he sounds like he deserves it.

Hey @Niceseasidetown just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this, it isn't your fault, and if you can detach emotionally like pp said it will hopefully protect your psychological health a bit for now.

Also - and I'm not trying to play an unhelpful guess the narc bully celeb boss, but - from what you've said I think I know who he is. If it's the same one he's well known locally as being horrendous to his staff and I have colleagues who had exactly the experience you describe - they resigned too. (Or maybe there's more than one sociopathic celeb boss out there!) Anyway, I wanted to say you're so not alone, hang in there, plan your exit strategy and you'll be fine x

I too was in a ghastly work situation where I started to get suicidal feelings. I stuck it out but in hindsight should have found another job as soon as I could. If you leave it too long you become desperate and it shows when you interview for jobs and makes you bitter.

I saw and heard such terrible behaviour (from 3 horrible people) that I thought I could write a book about it and no one could ever believe it had really happened. Years later when I was ready to write it I found that my mind had blanked many bad memories…self-protection.

My first thought was him until she said he worked in another country, that's why I think its wicks as he known for his tendancies.

Honestly if he's so famous record him and use his own words against him.

Please continue to share the crazy examples and write them down for yourself too. You can detach by viewing his crazy behaviour as fodder for your ‘Mad Guru Diaries’ and we can laugh along with you!

I absolutely bet that he takes ice baths too.