Niceseasidetown I'm so sorry to read how bad it all is. I agree that you'll start to feel much better as soon as you get away from this toxic atmosphere. I am aghast that he can reach you at home as late as 9pm. That is horrible. I had a Boss who used to phone early Sunday mornings, and did not realise it was bullying and abuse until someone else in a very senior position elsewhere found out and was incredibly horrified. It was his reaction that changed a lot for me. I started to realise I deserved to be treated better.
I understand you feel you must stay here till you have another job. I have been in that position. Maybe a temporary job to tide you over would be better than this though? (See later)
For the meantime, I can only suggest do what you've been doing - be emotionally detached, imagine him in an impenetrable bubble in your mind, speak or communicate with him in a semi-patronising way as though you are publicly showing him up, he won't notice, he's got too much self-importance. Keep a list of all he does in case you need to use it at any time. Have you heard of the 'grey rock' method? You can either behave as though you are a completely unfeeling grey rock, unresponsive, boring. But at work I don't advise it, he will turn against you. But you can reverse it and think he is just a grey rock, reacting to him emotionally as though that is what he is, and never let him upset you. He is definitely a narcissist, they are often psychopaths too. I am a retired Psychologist and worked in hospitals and had posts in Universities. But people being tortured (yes it is torture) by a narcissist need mental health support. Those in long-term relationships with a narc will eventually become very mentally ill, they will be broken down by the narcissist. A very bad narc is an expert in mental cruelty. Your boss's behaviour described here is enough for me to know he is one of the bad ones. Listen to Lise LeBlanc's YT talk (below).
I recommend learning about Narcissists and how to deal with them. Most YouTube talks are about being in a relationship with one which is totally different to having a narc boss. So look for 'How to deal with/survive a Narcissist Boss'.
Narcissists have to be the centre of attention, take all the credit, have what they want straight away, never be blamed, always worshipped, they tell lies and have poor memories, use people for what they get out of you. They are vindictive and childish.
I suggest when you want something give them options so they think they are making the decision. It's all about remembering a Narc has to take credit for everything and never be criticised. Have less verbal interaction and document everything. Narcs are relentless and want what they want immediately, very unrestrained and pushy. Try to set boundaries... Don't react when they are abusive they feed off your reactions. Don't be emotional.. before speaking to them calm down, pause, think of what you're saying, disengage, speak softly, [you're learning great life skills!]
I found a few YouTubes on how to survive a Narcissistic Boss, such as There are others, such as where she takes the aspects of the narc and how to respond without it upsetting you. One I liked was to remember that narc's lie! but it might be worth having a look to see if there's a presentation that suits you. Most of them are from America. Americans are in advance of us Brits in acknowledging the need for good, well informed psychological support.
One YouTube I particularly like is: "5 Powerful Tips to Deal With A Narcissistic Boss". by Lise LeBlanc
which seems quite good and sensible. Actually she says some of what I have said to people in Counselling in the past.
Please go to your Doctor and make sure they know the extent of the stress you are under. Make sure they understand the kind of mental abuse you are under and cannot escape and you need help for being a victim of a very nasty narcissist. You are in an extreme situation. This is no ordinary case of a bullying boss. If you try to hold out too long he will damage you and it will be hard to get back to your old self. You need and deserve medical support imho. Plus if you are forced to leave and don't work it might help with applying for a benefit to tide you over. I am not suggesting you would be doing this dishonestly, I sincerely think you are getting depressed and anxious on a clinical scale and need medical help. You deserve it. If someone could offer counselling it would be great. Tell the Doctor you had a meltdown and you have had to phone Samaritans. You are not alone. Bullying at work is one of the biggest reasons people become anxious and depressed.
Lastly, my eldest daughter broke down on the way to work due to the bullying by her incredibly evil narcissist boss. She phoned me and I said just go home and tell them you have 'flu. Then when you feel you can go back, hand in your notice. When she handed in her notice, she had senior people she hardly knew congratulating her. She signed up with a Temping Agency and sometimes earned ridiculous money and was asked to stay on in every job she tempted at. Eventually she found a special and quite famous place which was so lovely she stayed there and settled. She said she should have left the bad job the first week that evil woman treated her like something under her shoe.
Not being bullied by a narcissist is about knowing your own self-worth, setting your boundaries, knowing how you should be treated. But when the narc is your boss, you cannot be assertive in the normal way. However you can leave.
When I worked with a cruel Boss, I wrote a full report about her behaviour and contacted the Area Office. The Inspector came out and made me learn to say "Don't speak to me like that!" He made me repeat it until he was satisfied I was doing it properly! It was my first lesson in assertiveness. My career from thence went upwards. I did another degree and things blossomed.
There is a better world, the real world, out here that will appreciate you. You deserve to be respected, and admired for your qualities which clearly are outstanding. You are not a doormat so don't let him walk on you. It may be that you could find temporary work to tide you over before the right job comes along. Think of Actors, they do all sorts of work while 'resting'.
Sorry this is long, but do put time in to build yourself up.
Thinking of you with lots of love and prayers.