Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My celebrity boss is a lunatic I'm losing the plot

592 replies

Niceseasidetown · 01/05/2023 10:59

My boss is a celebrity in our industry. Think: 100s of 1000s of social media followers, his own podcast...and all the ego that goes with that.

He is also rude (telling people their ideas are fucking shit), a huge micromanager and a bully. Everyone at work says this, not just me. His adoring fans don't see this side of him.

When I took the job he wasn't my boss. He fired my boss publicly saying he wasn't up to the job and now I have to work much more closely with the celebrity boss. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am criticised for everything and publicly. Literally not one thing is right (even obvious achievements). I'm mocked and ridiculed. I'm very experienced and well paid and in my 40s. I'm good at my job.

I'm obviously looking for a new job.

Spoke to HR who just sighed and said he is like that. He owns the company.

How do I cope. I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I also have to manage a team who he undermines me in front of.

Literally every hour is miserable and terrifying.

I can't do anything legally or practically. I need emotional coping tips because I am a wreck. I worry what this is doing to my physical as well as mental health.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 24/05/2023 19:46

Today has been absolutely awful. I tried to quit but was talked into staying. Had a complete meltdown.

Can anyone chat on here. I'm I'm in bits.

OP posts:
2ManyPjs · 24/05/2023 19:57

OK, so you've obviously got yourself in a position where you're ready and able to leave but you've had a setback. So just write off the day, have a chilled evening and when you wake up tomorrow, take a deep breath and just go straight into work with your head high and tell him to shove it.

Thesharkradar · 24/05/2023 20:00

Poor you OP
is it worth writing down what you can remember of the conversations and then look at where the weak points are...I mean look at how you can steer things in your favour next time?

Mulhollandmagoo · 24/05/2023 20:47

2ManyPjs · 24/05/2023 19:57

OK, so you've obviously got yourself in a position where you're ready and able to leave but you've had a setback. So just write off the day, have a chilled evening and when you wake up tomorrow, take a deep breath and just go straight into work with your head high and tell him to shove it.

I agree with this, try not to dwell. Go in tomorrow, say you have slept on it and have decided your decision to leave stands.

I wish I could give you a hug OP 💐

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 24/05/2023 20:52

Thank you. As well as the situation being horrible my coping skills are so poor. I recover at the weekends and normally am OK until Thursday. This week cracked on Tuesday night (expected to work until 11pm).

I haven't got a job to go to so in a way it's good they didn't accept my resignation but I've made myself look emotional and erratic.

OP posts:
Anoana · 24/05/2023 21:06

Having a very similar time with my 'celebrity' boss, and have been watching this with interest.

They really believe ALL their own hype, and are just used to being listened to and agreed with, in their minds any success is theirs alone and no thanks to anyone around them.

I had quite a meltdown today too. My job should really be fucking amazing but he is actually killing my spirit.

ManchesterGirl2 · 24/05/2023 21:12

How many weeks savings do you have? If enough for a job hunt, id quit now. Not worth sacrificing your sanity.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 24/05/2023 21:50

I don't have any savings and actually have some debt....hence why I feel so stuck and disgusted with myself.

@Anoana whilst I am really sorry you're going through this i am so thrilled to read your post because this is EXACTLY how I feel. He believes his own hype and is disparaging of everyone else. He vastly overrated himself and orders bad idea after bad idea to be implemented.

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 24/05/2023 22:05

Niceseasidetown · 24/05/2023 21:50

I don't have any savings and actually have some debt....hence why I feel so stuck and disgusted with myself.

@Anoana whilst I am really sorry you're going through this i am so thrilled to read your post because this is EXACTLY how I feel. He believes his own hype and is disparaging of everyone else. He vastly overrated himself and orders bad idea after bad idea to be implemented.

you probably needed the 'retail therapy' to cope with the stress of the job!
Can you console yourself a little with the knowledge that he will inevitably overreach & implode soon, I think I'd be keeping notes on everything & using it to predict the exact nature of his downfall!

ManchesterGirl2 · 24/05/2023 22:06

I'm sorry. In that case, detach as much as you can. Apply for every job you can. And find a trustworthy ally to notch about him with.

If someone is insulting you, sometimes just agreeing with them takes the wind right out of their sails. "Right. Yes. I hear what you're saying". Obviously you know you are faking. But they can't argue if there's no one arguing back.

BuntyFayreweather · 25/05/2023 07:40

Good luck today and remember you're done.
Pastures new. Go and get a low level job at a charity, it will be eye opening. I did this after a particularly shitty experience. I made the cause big bucks. It felt great.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 25/05/2023 16:57

Today I had a chat with my actual boss. (Celeb is not my line manager).

This follows my meltdown yesterday.

He made it clear he can't support me if I'm going to have meltdowns. But that he will help protect me if I can undertake to speak to him personally if I'm upset about something.

Think this is good?

OP posts:
AlphabetSue · 26/05/2023 02:48

Niceseasidetown · 25/05/2023 16:57

Today I had a chat with my actual boss. (Celeb is not my line manager).

This follows my meltdown yesterday.

He made it clear he can't support me if I'm going to have meltdowns. But that he will help protect me if I can undertake to speak to him personally if I'm upset about something.

Think this is good?

I’m not sure about the ‘can’t support you if you’re going to have meltdowns’ bit. You’re not just randomly losing it, you’re being provoked into these by workplace stress. Have you considered discussing with your doctor? This isn’t good for you.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 26/05/2023 04:56

Thanks. I want to go on some medication because I'm so anxious and stressed constantly.

Basically everyone at work says he won't change so I need to handle it better but he is worse with me than anyone else and previous two job holders quit almost instantly so I'm not convinced any human can put up with this.

OP posts:
Lostinplaces · 26/05/2023 06:25

They are gaslighting you to make you shut up and comply.

pickledandpuzzled · 26/05/2023 07:13

Can you try for having Wednesdays working from home, or off, or working as usual but somewhere that celeb isn't?

If you can last 4 days but break on Thursday afternoon, a break mid week may help you.

pickledandpuzzled · 26/05/2023 07:15

Or even schedule your work so you have 'non contact' time. I find a stretch of time guaranteed to be free of interference from Mr Big is hugely refreshing.

Part of the stress and exhaustion is in waiting for the blade to fall.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 26/05/2023 09:18

So 9am to 2pm I have no contact with him. 2pm to 9.30 I do. The long days are stressful. I work entirely from home. There is no office.

I'm trying to save my leave in fear of being out of work but having a break would be really helpful.

At weekends i now take a break and that has helped.

OP posts:
Teresa777 · 26/05/2023 09:32

@Niceseasidetown They are gaslighting you as PP said. Join a union now, and if you can ride it out until the required period membership passes before getting representation (prob about 6 weeks), then get them involved. Sue the fucker, go for constructive dismissal. They are making you ill!

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 26/05/2023 10:05

Thanks but none of us are employees. We are self employed contractors. And the court that applies isn't in the UK or Europe.

I know how frustrating it must be when I say suggestions won't work and I really appreciate them it's just a nightmare situation.

Such that if I do quit I do t imagine I'll be paid monies owed or get a reference.

It is gaslighting. Basically they are saying "he is like this and won't change so you need to put up with it but we might protect you from the worst of his behaviour if you do as you're told".

I'm accused of ridiculous things on a daily basis. Of course I can prove that not only did i not do these things....they never happened at all! But then there's no apology and it's really stressful.

OP posts:
Teresa777 · 26/05/2023 10:14

Thanks but none of us are employees. We are self employed contractors. And the court that applies isn't in the UK or Europe.

Ah sorry, I never realised that. I hope you can somehow find the mental strength just now to start applying for other positions.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 26/05/2023 10:21

Yes I hope over the Bank Holiday to do this.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 26/05/2023 13:34

Have you pointed out to your proper line manager that they won't be able to keep anyone in that post if they don't restructure to manage the issue?

Maybe he could be required to communicate through your line manager, and the line manager can choose what's to pass on for example.

Namechange224422 · 26/05/2023 13:56

@Niceseasidetown

He is clearly a lunatic so I think that you need to stop playing by normal, reasonable rules and instead completely put yourself first.

So, as an example, currently you are working 5 days a week from 9am-9.30pm which is unreasonable. You know that any discussion with him regarding this is going to be impossible. But equally you know that 7 or 8 hours per day is what is normally considered full time.

So, you log in at 9am and send a couple of emails. Then you log out and spend 9.30am-11.30am job hunting. Then you work from 12 - 7pm. Then you log out and have dinner, run a bath etc and just check back in at 9.30pm to answer anything urgent.

Another example is that you know that you are being shouted at for things which you didn't do. This is unreasonable but you know that he won't listen to you explaining how you feel. So, you tell him that your phone is broken and that you're working on getting it fixed but until then you're available on email.

Reasonably this is only going to work for a few weeks so you need to really focus on the job hunting as the only thing which is going to actually solve the issue for you.

PS - take your holiday if you know there's a chance that you won't be paid it at the end of contract.

Original poster
Niceseasidetown · 26/05/2023 14:07

@Namechange224422 thats brilliant.

He has this morning advertised my job online.

I queried this with my line manager who fobbed me off.

So morally I feel justified in job hunting too.

And you're right I think they will screw me on pay so I may as well take leave.

OP posts: