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Original poster

Do your parents love your children more than they love you?

109 replies

ChickenRat · 28/04/2023 10:25

Just that really. My mum recently told me she loves my children more than she loves me. I'm trying to get an idea of whether that's normal or not.

I'm quite upset about it to be honest

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 28/04/2023 10:27

Of course!
Children are generally easier to love than grown arse adults full of their history, fuck ups, baggage, things said that can't be unsaid etc.
M

Softoprider · 28/04/2023 10:27

What an insensitive thing to say ! I love my children and I love my grandchildren. Maybe the love is different because the grandchildren are just that - children.. but it is not a more or less thing

Nimbostratus100 · 28/04/2023 10:29

children inspire massive love and protectiveness automatically. Adults dont

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Minimalme · 28/04/2023 10:29

Do your Mum has history for attention-seeking nonsense?

Tell you love your children more than her and see how that goes.

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 28/04/2023 10:31

I think some grandparents love the grandchildren more than their own children (or think they do) because they don't also have all the stress of raising them/doing boring daily care/juggling 100 things around them. It's mostly just Happy Fun Times. My own mother definitely preferred my kids to me. I resented it initially but have come to understand it over time, as my kids are fucking exhausting and I find other people's way less stressful for precisely the same reasons as stated above 😂

Jmaho · 28/04/2023 10:36

No not at all
My parents are older and I'm the youngest. My siblings all had lots and lots of help with childcare and my parents were very patient. My nieces and nephews are mainly in their 20's now. My children are still young
They don't seem to have any patience anymore. They seem to have completely forgotten how kids are and what's it's like to have a young family and be working despite them having four children themselves with very small age gaps
Such as popping in very late on a Sunday evening and seeming annoyed that the kids are tired but over excited and there is lots of shit that needs doing!

VenusClapTrap · 28/04/2023 10:37

That’s a horrible thing to say. I’m not surprised you’re upset.

It’s not true in my case. My DDad doesn’t like children and just goes through the motions of pretending to be interested in his grandchildren. DMum is dead, and PIL aren’t in the U.K. so only see them once or twice a year. So really, my dc are missing out on a normal, loving, grandparent experience and their lives are poorer for it.

I guess you just have to be glad for your dc that they’ve got that love, but totally understandable that it would hurt.

mybestchildismycat · 28/04/2023 10:40

It's a different kind of love, I think? In a completely hypothetical scenario DGM would absolutely put the lives of her GC above her DDs, but I see that as the natural order of things. And like PPs said, children are generally easier to love wholeheartedly. But I don't think she likes them more than her daughters.

Do you feel your DM was implying she just outright prefers her grandchildren as people? I can see why you'd feel hurt by that.

Softoprider · 28/04/2023 10:41

My daughter is a single parent of a four year old. He is very hard work, She is a wonderful mum to him.. does so much with him.. and I see shades of me in there and know she is remembering her own childhood when they do activities together and it melts my heart to see the love she has for him. She works hard and looks tired a lot. I help when I can and he stays at mine so she can have a night off a couple of nights a week.
Yes she can be a bit short with me but that is just a generational thing (I tend to repeat myself a lot). I still love her as much as when she was little - probably more and he is like a tiny version of her. The love is all encompassing and a circle that we exist in.

60biowipes · 28/04/2023 10:41

Yes but my mother is a headcase and is very childlike. She's starting to pull away as DC gets nearer double figures as she did with me.

SophiaSW1 · 28/04/2023 10:41

Ooh I hope so.

Softoprider · 28/04/2023 10:43

@VenusClapTrap · Today 10:37
That’s a horrible thing to say. I’m not surprised you’re upset.

It’s not true in my case. My DDad doesn’t like children and just goes through the motions of pretending to be interested in his grandchildren. DMum is dead, and PIL aren’t in the U.K. so only see them once or twice a year. So really, my dc are missing out on a normal, loving, grandparent experience and their lives are poorer for it.

I guess you just have to be glad for your dc that they’ve got that love, but totally understandable that it would hurt.

Sorry to read this. My own parents didn't really like me let alone my grandchildren. I have enough love for all. Send your children to me !

DMCWelshcakes · 28/04/2023 10:45

No, but they're much less strict and critical. They also do more fun stuff.

I think it's because they're retired, house is paid off and my grandparents are now dead after years of caring & ill health. They have the time and freedom that they never had before.

Also, my DC are fucking awesome. Grin

TheDogsWardrobe · 28/04/2023 10:45

Its an odd and unnecessary thing to say. How’s your relationship generally? I think people that say stuff like this are fucked up. It’s like they need to cause people to doubt their worth and want drama and attention.

regenerista · 28/04/2023 10:45

My dm isn't with us anymore but her adoration for my kids was endless, I'm pretty convinced they came above me in the love stakes. She had said to me before that grandchildren are so much easier because you don't get the stressful bits and can hand them back...

YesILikeItToo · 28/04/2023 10:48

When my daughter was born, my mother said in the hospital that she had never known you could feel such a love. I was Hmm.
I doubt she loves her more than me, but she certainly wants to see her more than me. Whether she would ever try to put this in words is doubtful - what your mother has said is very hurtful.

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 10:49

ChickenRat · 28/04/2023 10:25

Just that really. My mum recently told me she loves my children more than she loves me. I'm trying to get an idea of whether that's normal or not.

I'm quite upset about it to be honest

Why are you upset about it?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 28/04/2023 10:50

Has she just worded it badly?

Grandchildren don’t come with the same level of commitment or responsibility as your own children. Grandparents can enjoy spending time with their grandchildren without any of the day to day drudgery that parenting involves.

I haven’t got any parents left alive to ask but I could imagine a similar response based on what I’ve said above.

Pahpahpotato · 28/04/2023 10:51

What a mean, unnecessary thing to say, how weird.
I don’t think my mother loves my son more than me altho she certainly does adore him. It’s just different, same as every other kind of love.

BridieConvert · 28/04/2023 10:52

My mum would never say it but I definitely think she does. But she also favours my sibling over me and then as a result my DN over my DC. (Claims she doesn't but it's very obvious)

Nachobowls · 28/04/2023 10:52

I don’t think so, my mum barely bothers with my kids so could be worse 🤷🏻‍♀️

Paturday · 28/04/2023 10:56

Oh wow. That’s tough OP!

I don’t think I will love anyone more than my kids, even when they’re grown up. IE their kids will not be my kids, and I’m not massively into other kids who aren’t mine. So obviously my grandchildren will be a close second but I think my own kids will always be the best! I dunno.

Unfortunately I don’t feel the love from my parents and they seem to get annoyed at my kids anyway 😄

So in answer to your question, I don’t think my parents love my kids more than they love me, but I’m not sure if they even love me.

YANBU to be hurt.

CurlewKate · 28/04/2023 10:56

What was the context of the conversation, because put like that it sounds a very unkind thing to say!

For reference-my num adored her grandchildren- but definitely adored her children more. My MIL is the other way round.

stopringingme · 28/04/2023 10:58

We always joke that our Parents don't want to see us just our DD.

peachgreen · 28/04/2023 10:59

My mum definitely enjoys spending time with DD more than she enjoyed parenting me and will openly admit that. I don't think that's unusual though. Being a grandparent is all of the fun and the love with none of the stress or responsibility!

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