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Original poster

Do your parents love your children more than they love you?

109 replies

ChickenRat · 28/04/2023 10:25

Just that really. My mum recently told me she loves my children more than she loves me. I'm trying to get an idea of whether that's normal or not.

I'm quite upset about it to be honest

OP posts:
GoodnightJude1 · 28/04/2023 13:22

Nope.
I love and adore my grandaughters but my children are MY children. My granddaughters have their own mum that loves them more than anything.
I am fiercely protective over all of them but when it comes to it I will always love my children more than anyone else.

Goldbar · 28/04/2023 13:28

My parents definitely love my DC more than me... but in small doses! It doesn't bother me... they're cuter, less complicated and give their grandparents lots of uncritical adoration. What's not to love?!

My PIL love their children more than their grandchildren.

MeinKraft · 28/04/2023 13:30

Dunno. Probably. My kids are young and very cute and I am not Grin

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Withnailandeye · 28/04/2023 13:30

This isnt something my parents would ever dream of telling me, but I wouldn’t be upset or in the least bit surprised if they did love my children more than me - my children are the most precious thing in my world and I’m very grateful I seem to be surrounded by family who genuinely adore them.

rooroorooroooroo · 28/04/2023 13:33

Oh yes, my parents love my two children way more than they love me.

I'm 100% with this. It doesn't mean they don't love me, they do - but the grandchildren come first.

It makes me happy to know there are other people out there who really love my babies.

newwings · 28/04/2023 13:39

TheDogsWardrobe · 28/04/2023 10:45

Its an odd and unnecessary thing to say. How’s your relationship generally? I think people that say stuff like this are fucked up. It’s like they need to cause people to doubt their worth and want drama and attention.

Yep

Highdaysandholidays1 · 28/04/2023 13:55

I think it's a very odd way to think. Children surely are cute and I can understand a rush of love from that, but children grow up, I was the child to my grandma til I was 50 years old! I can't imagine just dismissing my own children and fixating on their children, it's not a competition and no-one stays cute for ever.

SpringIntoChaos · 28/04/2023 13:56

I'm a grandparent to two wonderful granddaughters. I love them so much it's painful...but as others have said, it's a different kind of love to the one I have for my children. Both kinds are strong, enduring and unconditional, but different.

AxolotlOnions · 28/04/2023 14:44

How did this even come up?

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 28/04/2023 14:56

Maybe GP get to enjoy their GC more - none of the parenting pressures, the wisdom of having raised children and the knowledge that children are not such for long puts GP in a better position to love and be loved?

VintageThoughts · 28/04/2023 15:00

Yes, my mum definitely loves my DC more than me. She wouldn't be rude enough to tell me though.

And I'm fine with it. The more people that love my DC the better.

privileged · 28/04/2023 15:11

My Sil asked my DM is she loved me or my DD more. She said DD instantly. Although she asked the question was surprised.

mezlou84 · 29/04/2023 18:44

I'm sure she didn't mean it as it came across. Most grandparents dote on their grandchildren and it generates a different love with none of the teaching aspects. It's a love with no boundaries where with children even grow one's you are still prone to be in the teaching role ready to help and advise constantly rather than just have the fun of being round the children doing the little joyful things without having to be strict as they aren't their children. Time and time again I see it with my own and others. Grandparents are indulgent and patient, able to give love freely. Icecream for breakfast, no way, not a chance you have to wait til after dinner. Grandma yes darling course you can. They don't have the pressure of bringing them up and the odd treat like that won't hurt them it's just incredibly annoying to us parents lol. I think in a way they love them more but it's definitely more because you're the final call you are the one with the decisions on how they're brought up so they can get on with just loving.

Doingmybest12 · 29/04/2023 18:56

I think just having the conversation is odd as odd can be , unless tongue in cheek and everyone knows this.

EmmaM84 · 29/04/2023 19:03

My mum said the exact same thing to me. Baffled at first but her explanation was when I was young, she was working lots and juggling me and my brother in the usual domestic drudgery. Now with my DD, she has the means to enjoy her a lot more. If it came to saving me or my DD my mum would absolutely save my DD but I'm okay with that, it's comforting to realise there are others beyond me and DP that cares about DD so much. Me and my DM have an amazing relationship by the way, best friends

katyperryseyelid · 29/04/2023 19:05

Yes, my dad does (my mum died when I was a child).

He always said he loves me so much and my children were me x a million.

He’s got dementia now but my children are the only things that make him smile. I just wish my 2 year old could have experienced him healthy.

GilligansKitchenIsland · 29/04/2023 19:05

I read a study a while ago that found that grandparents (or maybe it just looked at grandmothers, I don't recall) feel more empathy towards their grandchildren than parents/mothers do towards their children. The authors were suggesting it was because when you're a parent you're so stressed and harrased by all the demands of work, commuting, parenting, mum guilt, conflicting advice, school gate politics, caring for elderly parents, juggling childcare, maintaining a house etc etc etc... that you don't have the same emotional reserves to give a child as you do when you're older and some of those pressures have lessened.
(Plus, as mentioned above, easy to love someone when you don't have to deal with them screeching "I'm hungry! Not an apple, I want a banana! No! This one's got brown bits on it!!" in your face at 3am) 😵‍💫

ComeOnWill · 29/04/2023 19:05

DM is very kind and generous with her time and money, I know she loves me very much but has always been very abrupt/tactless towards me. I often joke that I do wonder how I have such good self-esteem due to her and she laughs along.

She is much softer with my children and seems to openly adore them (again never me).

DC1 is almost 18 now but I remember when she was telling her friend how she fell in love with him the minute she saw him, she said she had never felt like that before! Dbro and I were like "Yeah, cheers mum"!

All things considered I do think she loves them more than me, I don't take it personally but if she actually said it then yes I'd be hurt and I'm sorry OP

FixItDuck · 29/04/2023 19:08

Not a normal thing to say at all- very odd to rank such things and then to tell you about it. Does she have form for this?

DucksNewburyport · 29/04/2023 19:09

My parents adore my children, but they I'm pretty sure don't love them as much as they love me. I mean, we've never discussed it, but that's the way it appears to me.

CountlesScreamingArgonauts · 29/04/2023 19:11

My parents love only themselves.

user1471453601 · 29/04/2023 19:12

I think my Mum found my daughter easier than me, but I can understand that. My daughter was a very easy going child, an easy going teenager and an easy going adult. I was quite difficult for her I think. I once heard Mum and Dad arguing about me. Mum said "she's just like you, always thinks she right.". Dad counted with " no, she's just like you, stubborn ". They were both right.

But I will never forget my Mums first words when she came to see us after I'd had my daughter. She looked at her, then at me, and said "she's beautiful, nearly as beautiful as her Mum". I was young and very frightened about the responsibility of looking after this previous vulnerable little one, I really needed affirmation at that point, and Mum gave it to me.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 29/04/2023 19:16

@user1471453601 that brought a tear to my eye, what a lovely thing to say.

FatGirlSwim · 29/04/2023 19:18

Yeah, I think probably. It’s an odd thing to say out loud though!

Conkersinautumn · 29/04/2023 19:26

My mum literally wore a t shirt that says "if I knew having grandchildren was this much fun, I'd have had them first and last".
To be frank though I am NC and this is what she wore to a wide family event we both attended. I was tempted to get her to tell me the middle names of my children or anything about them, but stuck to ignoring her as per.