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Original poster

Do your parents love your children more than they love you?

109 replies

ChickenRat · 28/04/2023 10:25

Just that really. My mum recently told me she loves my children more than she loves me. I'm trying to get an idea of whether that's normal or not.

I'm quite upset about it to be honest

OP posts:
hevs03 · 28/04/2023 11:03

My Mum definitely loves my daughter more than she did me when I was growing up but it's ok, as my Mum was only 20 when she had me and she separated from my Dad two years later, so I know it was tough for her, she was never tactile with me, I can honestly say I can't recall her ever telling me she loved me and she was never one for hugs etc. she often says now that she wasn't a good Mum but I just tell her she was young and it was ok, she cared for me and I turned out ok lol. However she was a better Mum to my brother (half brother) and he was the favoured one (8 yrs between us) and I think that was as much to do with her being in a better relationship with Stepdad than she had with my Dad. And now she is a fab Nan to my daughter, looked after my daughter when I returned to work after 6 months and the relationship they have is wonderful, lots of hugs etc. Also my Mum was one of 14 children so there wasn't a lot of love to go round when she was growing up, My Nan became a single parent so it was a tough life for my Mum and her siblings. I think it is a different love between Grandparents and Grandkids, but I can understand that it would hurt one's feelings if a parent stated what yours did to you.

Tourmalines · 28/04/2023 11:08

As a grandmother and mother, no , I do not love my granddaughter more than I love my son. Completely different relationship. she’s gorgeous though , only 3 .

Oldnproud · 28/04/2023 11:08

What a strange and hurtful thing to say!

Thinking about it, the love I have for my adult children perhaps feels slightly different from that I felt for them when they were children, totally dependent on me, and that I have for my young dgc, but I still love them every bit as much..

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gettingoldisshit · 28/04/2023 11:09

My grandmother definitely prefers me to her own children.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 28/04/2023 11:11

I'm nc with my mother now, but she was there when I gave birth to my son at 18.

The first thing she did was tell me "thank god you finally did something right" and laughed because I was whisked away for surgery and she git the first couple of hours of his life with him.

When he died some months later she screamed at me for running her life and "fucking up the only good thing I ever achieved in life"

When I had another baby a few years later she tried everything she could to try and get him removed from me (SS were called weekly, she tried it on with my then husband, she took his side in court when he hit me) and she told me that she was jealous of her friends as they had custody of their gc due to drugs.

She has other GC now but only actually loves her grandson, she doesn't bother with the girls, which makes sense because she never loved me but adored my brothers.

I couldn't imagine treating my kids or grandkids the way she has.

Alloveragain3 · 28/04/2023 11:16

Funnily enough, I'd be happy if my parents said this. I wouldn't take it to mean they don't love me, just that they absolutely adore their grandkids.
I do think as humans we're primed to love children more than adults, as they need us so much.

Moranguinho · 28/04/2023 11:23

Minimalme · 28/04/2023 10:29

Do your Mum has history for attention-seeking nonsense?

Tell you love your children more than her and see how that goes.

That ☝️

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 11:24

I think it's because it is less stress.

I watch my aunty with amazement sometimes. She was a single mother and I grew up with her son (my cousin). I saw her shout and scream at her son constantly, as he was growing up. There was definitely no love and affection for him.

Now her son is grown up and he has a son of his own. I watch her with her grandchild now. She lavishes the grandchild with love and affection. She constantly talks about her grandchild, about how much she loves him. She is so completely different than she was with her own child.

I think it's because when she was a mother (a single mother), she couldn't cope.

Now as a grandmother it is less stress. So all she has to do is love.

blahblahblah1654 · 28/04/2023 11:24

Probably but they would never be so cruel to say it.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 28/04/2023 11:28

I find people like that weird. And it’s often said so proudly as they’re desperate for everyone to know what a loving grandparent they are. But they just sound to me like shitty parents.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/04/2023 11:30

Yes my mum does and I'm fine with that!

SeulementUneFois · 28/04/2023 11:35

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 28/04/2023 11:28

I find people like that weird. And it’s often said so proudly as they’re desperate for everyone to know what a loving grandparent they are. But they just sound to me like shitty parents.

Agree. She sounds horrible to say that OP

defi · 28/04/2023 11:40

Yes my mum tells us all her grandson is her favourite. It's nice though she dotes on him and he adores her. Parenting without all the stress I can see why she prefers it

Reallyareyousure · 28/04/2023 11:41

It's normal to feel it. It's not normal to SAY it.

GuevarasBeret · 28/04/2023 11:41

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 10:49

Why are you upset about it?

Show quote history

She’s upset because it’s a ghastly thing to say.
the subtext is: “You’re alright as an incubator, but you’re not anyone I’d choose to spend time with”

It isn’t normal OP, it shows any extremely dysfunctional person.

BubziOwl · 28/04/2023 11:52

I'm sure my mum likes my children more than she likes me - my children are beautiful and adorable as all children are, and I am not - but I'm fairly certain she loves me at least the same if not more.

cocksstrideintheevening · 28/04/2023 11:53

Pretty sure mine does. We have a rocky relationship. Thing is as the kids are now older they see this and don't particularly want much of a relationship with her. (I am very careful not to influence them in any way over this).

HumourReplacementTherapy · 28/04/2023 12:05

My mum did say it was much better being a grandparent than a parent.... I guess it is Smile
I think the love you have for grandchildren is double fold. Someone you love giving birth to someone you love. Try to think of it that way Smile
(Disclaimer.... I am not a grandparent)

MrsHsGirl · 28/04/2023 12:08

I asked my grandma this recently (my own mum is sadly no longer with us) and she - without a beat - said 'yes of course, I love him more than anyone else in the world, look at him, how could you not' 😂

Made me laugh and I thought it was lovely that she loves my child so much. It didn't occur to me to be offended!

SallyWD · 28/04/2023 12:24

No they don't. In fact my mum actually told me that I'm her child and she loves me more than her grandchildren!! It amused me slightly.
My in laws on the other hand - I think they love the grandchildren more than anything else in the world.

OldGrannyish · 28/04/2023 12:33

Oh my parents definitely love my DC more than me. But they also definitely love their other grandchildren more than my DC and constantly regale my Dc with all the things they do with and buy for their cousins. Only thing I'm not certain about is where sibling fits in; maybe on a par with my DC or slightly above. I don't think they've ever actually said "I love you" to the DC or said to me that they love my DC so take it as a bonus that she's willing to say it out loud! And she's not saying she doesn't love you is she?

PIL are different. Their DC definitely come above the grandchildren.

hiredandsqueak · 28/04/2023 12:49

Not normal if you ask me. I'm a Granny I love my grandchildren but not fiercely to the depths I love my children, their parents. I assume their parents love them to the same depths instead.

JadeVS72 · 28/04/2023 12:57

I think she's worded it badly. Depending on your relationship I would bring it up with her as having upset you as sure she didn't mean to upset you.
My mum's life was quite hard when she had me as my brother (2.5 years older) was very unwell, my half brother was 13 and had various problems e.g. drugs, and then when I was 2.5 my beloved Grandma who was the only person I would tolerate looking after me had a massive stroke and was paralysed. I don't think she found me a joy basically! But she definitely loves me and tbh I am probably favourite child being the girl, now closer to home and just being more thoughtful than my brothers!
When my DD was born my mum hadn't been all that excited about me being pregnant but when DD arrived she was totally overwhelmed with love and it definitely surprised her. There was none of the difficulties of having a baby in the situation she was when I was little so she got to just enjoy her grand daughter.
She has never said she loves DD more but I think she would probably agree as a child she is easier to love due to circumstances if that makes sense.

ferneytorro · 28/04/2023 13:05

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 10:49

Why are you upset about it?

Show quote history

Because it's a really odd thing to say - the type of thought that doesn't need vocalising to be honest. Does she have form op? I only ask as it is the kind of thing mine would say and she has been saying inappropriate things since I can remember. I got "you know I love you more than your dad" when i was tiny (she hated him) again may be true but inner voice would be better.

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 13:11

Alloveragain3 · 28/04/2023 11:16

Funnily enough, I'd be happy if my parents said this. I wouldn't take it to mean they don't love me, just that they absolutely adore their grandkids.
I do think as humans we're primed to love children more than adults, as they need us so much.

Me too. I’m surprised so many people on this thread would be upset about it.