Do your parents love your children more than they love you?

[ChickenRat]

Just that really. My mum recently told me she loves my children more than she loves me. I'm trying to get an idea of whether that's normal or not.

I'm quite upset about it to be honest

Definitely. My parents dislike me for being middle aged. How dare I.
Also, if my daughter is a more resilient version of myself at that age, it's because she has a supportive parent who is nurturing her 'self' not shaming her in and out of making the Right Decisions. I have curiosity as to who my DD is and my parents never had any curiosity about who I was. They seem to love in my daughter what they crushed out of me.

I'd be upset about it too. While people are hardwired to want to protect young children, it sounds like your mother can't love adults, or thinks that love is just nurturing. It doesn't sound like love is the relationship to her. She can only love when the dynamic is Carer/Dependant?

It's not normal I don't think.

My parents said if all three of their grown up children moved away with their kids then they would only miss the grandchildren. I thought it was a weird thing to say at the time. They are clearly more interested in their GC than their adult children. Particularly when they are small... not so much when they start getting older as they only proactively spend time with the young ones.

No wonder you feel upset, that is a horrible thing your mum said. I don't think my DP would say they love my DS more than me or my sisters but I think probably on a par. They don't see him much as we live 500 miles away and my mum seems to be a little awkward around him like she isnt used to children anymore. On the other hand, MIL always wants to see DS (despite being near 100 miles away) and insists in having him for a whole week every summer and I don't think she'd come out with some crap like that though she may think it.

I'd love to hear this, like pp, my parents and PILs aren't really bothered with my kids. So it definitely could be worse.

Hi. My mum also said this to me when my children were small, she also said her sister felt that way too, as if two wrongs make a right! I’ve never forgotten it, my children are middle aged now and she still prefers their company to mine. I often wonder if it’s because there boys, and that’s what she secretly prefers. She once said boys were more colourful, whatever that means.

Ive often thougt that. My mum loses her shit about my sisters child in a way she never did about her own children.

She is so concerned for DNs welfare over nothing. I did ask her how she'd feel if DN was brought up with the poverty and deprivation her own children had and she told me to shut up.

My MIL definitely loves both of her sons more than the GC , even when the GC were little . My mum ( deceased) loved my son more than anyone else , she was like his second mum , the rest of us including my daughter trailed in after him . Nobody cared , there is enough love to go round and they had a lovely relationship .

Life or death I would pick the DC every time. But as some others have said DH and I do sometimes prioritise each other over the DC at times as a happy marriage is a great environment for DC to grow up in. I also wouldn’t want them to leave home and leave me with a stranger who hadn’t prioritised me at points and appreciated me/had my back