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Original poster

Do your parents love your children more than they love you?

109 replies

ChickenRat · 28/04/2023 10:25

Just that really. My mum recently told me she loves my children more than she loves me. I'm trying to get an idea of whether that's normal or not.

I'm quite upset about it to be honest

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 29/04/2023 19:30

I love my children so much but nothing prepared me for how much love/adoration I would have for my granddaughter.

TinyTear · 29/04/2023 20:31

Yes rude.
Now they are old they come to me with mushy stuff but it's too little too late so I'm low contact
And I will gatekeep my kids from them. I will protect from the damage they did to me and I am actually pleased I didn't teach my kids my mother tongue so they can't listen to them spouting shit about their weight or looks or manners which are perfectly fine

Jax2013 · 29/04/2023 20:36

Yep! My parents have said the same. And I get it. I love my kids more than I love myself or anyone and I would hope anyone would love my kids than they love me. I would hope if it came between saving me or my kids they would 100% choose my kids

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Families
Susurrar · 29/04/2023 21:32

My parents say it’s a completely different kind of love - all the fun but very little responsibility. They love my son, spoil him relentlessly and in general think the sun shines out of his arse. He can do no wrong.

They also have a whole range of expectations of me as a parent; expectations that they themselves certainly never fulfilled when I was my son’s age.

Flowersun6 · 29/04/2023 21:35

Did you ask your mum this question?

Mariposista · 29/04/2023 22:21

My gran loved me more than her 3 sons (me and my mum). We were the ones who cared for her, kept her going and made her a priority. My uncles ‘lived their lives’, went on holiday and thought seeing poor gran twice a year was ok.
She died 3 weeks ago and I am devastated, and will be for a while - I’m sure they will be on once the funeral is over. My one uncle questioned why I wanted to be part of arranging her funeral - that hurt as much as losing her. She was my world and I was never ‘just a grandchild’.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 29/04/2023 22:48

When I met my DGS when he was a few hours old I felt the huge rush of love that everyone mentions, but I had not felt when my DS was born. And it’s certainly easier being fun Granny than struggling mum. But do I love him more than my DS? I don’t think so. My love for DS has grown a little stronger every day of his life.

sendbackaletterfromamerica · 29/04/2023 22:57

GoodnightJude1 · 28/04/2023 13:22

Nope.
I love and adore my grandaughters but my children are MY children. My granddaughters have their own mum that loves them more than anything.
I am fiercely protective over all of them but when it comes to it I will always love my children more than anyone else.

My mum has said as much to me. She says I'm her first thought and biggest love, just the way my children are to me. Me and my siblings obviously! She loves her grandchildren more than anything apart from her own children as we are hers, the way my children are mine.

Xmasbaby11 · 29/04/2023 22:58

A strange thing to say/hear.

I can’t imagine my parents thinking this. Children come first in any family if that’s the right way of putting it. Everyone is protective of them and the relationship can be simpler than between adults. My parents are in their 80s and flagging a bit so they don’t have the energy to be really engaged with my dc 9 and 11. As a result they don’t know them so well, not like they know me. But I think they love us all, perhaps in different but equal ways.

StillMedusa · 30/04/2023 00:44

No.
I'm a parent to 4 adults and grandparent to one (so far)
I would walk through fire for any of my children and they know it.
My respect and admiration for dd2 for the way she is juggling an incredibly demanding job ( palliative care nurse for dying children) with being a Mum has simply made me more proud of her even than before.

I was gobsmacked at how I felt when my grandchild was born, I won't lie. But it was exactly the same overwhelming love that I felt for my own children :) And it remains the same. I care for him several days a week and love him exactly as I love my own.

It's bloody wonderful. No more, no less...just love.
(I own up to 'spoiling' him more because I'm better off now than I was when mine were little!)

Enko · 30/04/2023 00:53

My mum was utterly uninterested in my children.

Dad is interested but he is abroad so not close

Stepdad interested but not close

MIL was an engaged loving grandmother but no I don't think she loved her grandchildren. More than her children she loved them differently buy not more.

Mil was amazing

MakesMeFeelSad · 30/04/2023 00:53

No, I have 4 children and 4 grandchildren. I don't love my dgc more than my children . If I had to chose for some reason between ds1 and dgc I'd chose dgc as he is a grown adult so for instance if there was a fire etc

Or if he turned into a shit dad who didn't prioritise them then I'd be on their side but I love them all the same

I wasn't expecting to love them as much as I love my own dc but I do. I don't love them more though

caringcarer · 30/04/2023 01:03

I love my 2 dgs, and they amuse me endlessly with their energy and antics, but I love my DC more. Nothing comes close to the love I have for my 3 DC. Theres nothing I would not do for them if it was within my power. I know my Dad in particular was gaga about my DC and loved taking them to the park but I was very close to my Dad and I think he loved them as an extension of loving me.

pimplebum · 30/04/2023 01:04

I'm baffled by the poster who this is ok ??
Unless it was ment to be said jokingly she was saying a hurtful unessesary unforgivable thing that will always be remembered by the OP
The glorious thing about love is its endlessness , you don't have to sleep from one to give to another

Saschka · 30/04/2023 01:13

When I was pregnant with DS, DM announced “I love this little baby so much, even before he is born. I never felt that way about you and DBro”.

She spoils him rotten as well. Stuff me and DBro never got away with, she lets him do with a doting smile. She was incredibly strict with us.

I don’t think she loves DS more than me, but it is definitely different.

CheekyHobson · 30/04/2023 01:48

Some people really need to get a filter.

Personally I think that when you really love someone, you only grow to love them more over time as you get to know them more deeply, unless there has been a huge amount of terrible behaviour towards you by them.

Assuming there’s no record of you treating your mother terribly, OP, I think that was a heartless thing for her to say. My kids are still quite young but I love them more every day. If they have kids, I assume that love will expand to include the grandkids, but I can’t imagine the grandkids becoming more significant in my heart than my own children. Equal, yes, but not more so.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2023 01:55

My dad loves her more but tries to hide it. My mum loves me more and tries to hide it.

The trying to hide it is part of the love.

Daffodilmorning · 30/04/2023 02:05

I don’t think so? She adores my children but they’re not her children. When each were born she was more concerned about helping me and checking I was OK than monopolising baby cuddles.

I’ve never asked her though so I suppose she might do.

MIL on the other hand likes to share any photos we send her on Facebook with captions like ‘love them more than anything in the world!’. I don’t think she means it (I’m sure she’d come visit more if she did!), but DH’s siblings don’t have children yet and I always worry they’ll be offended when she posts things like that.

Lizzt2007 · 30/04/2023 03:27

Yes. I definitely love my grandchildren more than my son right now. Partly it's the fact that I'm not 100% responsible for raising my grands, so the love isn't tempered by a massive amount of responsibility, which as a single parent my sons childhood was. Partly because my relationship with my son has been fractious for the last few years. He ended up as a single parent with sole custody, and I put my life on hold to support him and my grands, unfortunately that led to him partially checking out of his responsibilities and leaving the bulk of care up me. We're heading in the right direction now, but there's still some way to go. I'm looking forward to being able to just be grandma , rather than a parental figure.

Lovethatforyou · 30/04/2023 05:31

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 13:11

Me too. I’m surprised so many people on this thread would be upset about it.

Show quote history

Me too. My first thought reading this was, ‘I hope so!’

My only DS was a long awaited/fought for child. We all bloody adore him, including my parents. Helps that he is so loveable and cheeky!

Manthide · 30/04/2023 08:44

Dm has often said that if she had her time again she wouldn't have kids . I found it upsetting as she adores my dc and obviously she wouldn't have any if she hadn't had kids. I adore my gs but sometimes when I visit he's at nursery and it is just my dd and it's good to see her on her own. It's a different type of love without the responsibility.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/04/2023 08:48

I think it's a totally different relationship so it's impossible to compare the two.

That said, I'm certain my FIL prefers the dog to either me or DH Grin

PollyThePixie · 30/04/2023 08:48

I love my children and grandchildren equally but I’m old enough now to very much understand what precious children means. I thought I knew what it meant when I became a mother but it’s taken becoming a granny to understand that I'm only really getting it now.

PollyThePixie · 30/04/2023 08:49

Lizzt2007 · 30/04/2023 03:27

Yes. I definitely love my grandchildren more than my son right now. Partly it's the fact that I'm not 100% responsible for raising my grands, so the love isn't tempered by a massive amount of responsibility, which as a single parent my sons childhood was. Partly because my relationship with my son has been fractious for the last few years. He ended up as a single parent with sole custody, and I put my life on hold to support him and my grands, unfortunately that led to him partially checking out of his responsibilities and leaving the bulk of care up me. We're heading in the right direction now, but there's still some way to go. I'm looking forward to being able to just be grandma , rather than a parental figure.

I so understand you.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 30/04/2023 08:51

I'm in my 60s, with adult sons, 2 grandchildren and 2 on the way. I adore them all, but if I had to choose between my kids and grandkids, I'd choose my own kids.

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