The best work advice you ever got

[SunsetBeauregarde]

I’ve just come through a tricky couple of days at work, but got through it due to a mumsnet thread and some golden nuggets of advice I got from a brilliant manager in the past. I thought I’d pay forward the kindness I got on my thread and start a new one for the best advice you ever got at work:

Never begin a difficult conversation on the same day you realised the need for one.

Never enter a negotiation without a clear idea of the outcome you want.

Never ‘meet them half way’ - reduce your offer in gradually reducing increments, never more than 10% at a time.

Never make yourself a threat. Work with your opponent never against them. ‘Us’ is much easier to sell than ‘me vs you’

Make your opponent feel ahead of a problem, not behind it. They are more likely to offer a resolution if they feel like they’re creating a ‘near miss’. ‘Let’s work out how to stop this becoming a problem’ is much more motivating to come to the table than ‘this is a problem, what are you going to do about it?’

The 'pick your battles' and 'it doesn't always have to be perfect, sometimes it just has to do the job' advice has really helped me as a perfectionist as sometimes I'd fight a battle I just didn't need to fight, and harmed my reputation over it.

From a manager I really respected, to me while I was in floods of tears about a stack of employee personal/sick issues:
'You can do everything right and be the most supportive manager in the world and someone will still moan at you for buying the wrong biscuits. Being a good manager means making decisions balancing the interests of everyone in the business, nor just the individual in front of you - don't let anyone convince you that just because they aren't happy, that you haven't done a good job'

Other advice:
'As long as you could stand in front of the CEO and justify your decision logically if something goes wrong, go for it'

No one ever looks back on their deathbed at their work. They look at their relationships.

@SaveMeFromForearms I agree with you that I hate this saying that @gettingolderbutcooler wrote and I don't think it's true at all. It's a saying for people who have jobs who are low level and where they don't or can't achieve anything. For these people, it will be true that their relationships are more important to them than manual or low paid work. It's salve for shortcomings - like 'size doesn't matter'.

It's obviously the case that if you have a job where you did something significant - like created a life saving vaccine, won a noble prize, created fabulous films, theatre or art that gave many people great joy or support or even something lower level like as a GP changed peoples lives for the better, or as a surgeon saved many lives operating, lead and changed culture in a hospital or as a lawyer changed the law through your cases and so on - that this will be something that is a huge and significant part of your life, your personal fulfillment and satisfaction.

Any one can get married, have sex and have children. Not everyone can make changes to other peoples lives for the better on a micro or macro scale through their work. It's nonsense to say that no one regards this on their death bed as significant.

It's similar to this with my reply to maddy

@ maddy68
No one ever thinks to themselves in their deathbed "I wish I had worked a bit harder"

I can't bear this and think it is just crap cooked up as an excuse for slacking. It probably depends on your job; it maybe true if you have a low level role that will never progress. If you have a profession with a clear structure (like medicine becoming a consultant for example) or a job where you could be recognised and achieved, professional failure because you didn't work hard enough or achieve what you could do for many people can be a serious and devastating life regret.

Something I have been trying to get across to some junior colleagues recently is that we all have a hand in creating our work culture. If you want the company to be a place where people ask questions and answer them openly and enthusiastically, share knowledge and collaborate to get things done, then ask your questions, support your colleagues in doing so, and step up to answer those you know the answer to. Be visible in working the way you want the company to be.

If you have the work social capital to do something about bad behaviour, then do it. Don't leave it for the mythical someone else to fix. (That actually applies to a lot of things)

Basically if you're on your way up the ladder, make sure you're ready to help up the people below who are just on the first rung. And try and make sure that when they get there it's a decent place to be.

Brilliant thread. So much that I’m taking away! Can’t think of anything to add just now but wonder if it should be nominated for classics?

As a junior person, I wanted to reduce my hours. My manager said that in his opinion, working every day for shorter hours worked out much better for everyone (inc the employee) than not working on specific days. It's been 10 years and I can say that based on my observations (of own life and many other people's) he was 100% right!

Funny @HowDid I definitely don't have a job that saves lives, but I just love work for what it gives me; it has built character in me, given my kids a good example, brought people into my life who I will love forever, and given me such pride in my own abilities.

Similar don't put anything in an email you wouldn't put on a postcard

When you are new in a job, don't be always questioning how everything is done, pointing out how things are not efficient, and coming up with endless suggestions for how it could be better.
Ask questions about your tasks by all means, but don't criticise.
You will just annoy everyone as you don't understand yet why things are the way they are.

Instead, write down all your ideas and thoughts in a private document or notebook. After at least three months in the job, review your notes.
You will see that 90% of your 'bright ideas' won't work in this company in this context.
The 10% that might be useful to pursue will make you respected and gain admiration.

Same, will be back to share.

You have two ears, one mouth - listen more than you speak.

This one isn't really advice given but a lesson learnt from watching a colleague.

I have a colleague who will rarely say anything in meetings but if he does everyone pays immediate attention because it will be important, pertinent and basically worth listening to. It is quite bizarre.

Most of these are so true. Sometimes I get frustrated and reply to people who haven't paid invoices in a way that later I wish I'd been more witty or less cutting.

I agree with the listen more, speak less approach. I'm not sure about the 'say at least 2 relevant/important impactful things in a meeting '. By all means, do so if you happen to have something useful or thought provoking to say but don't speak for the sake of speaking if you have nothing useful to say. It wastes people's time pointlessly.

Be upfront about your weaknesses, including at interview stage (well, at least in my field, this works well).

Treat colleagues well and respectfully regardless of their grades or place in hierarchy. Not because they may be your boss one day, but because you are a good human being.

I personally disagree with the work not mattering on one's death bed but I really enjoy my job and there's real scope for new opportunities, professional development and progression. I accept I am lucky though. I do however recognise that there are many other parts of life that are very important obviously.

It’s morbid but I find thinking “One day we will all be dead and none of this will matter” strangely soothing.

I have a tendency to get overly anxious about aspects of work and it helps me gain perspective, calm down, and so do a better job overall.

I also love the advice above on starting each new job with four grandparents!

Placemaking love this thread

Someone once told me, your line manager wants a solution, not a problem. At least try to solve an issue before you go to them.

Really young, during work experience, a senior colleague advised me to, when there's a conflict of opinion, say less and let the other person come up with a compromise rather than chattering on and talking yourself out of a solution that works for you.

No one is indispensable, whatever their position.
From my father.

Amazing thread - mine is sort of a motto- ‘never become part of the furniture’

If you can't think of something particularly insightful to contribute to a meeting, but your colleagues are waiting to hear your opinion, say something along the lines of:

"It's all about finding that balance"

and everyone will nod approvingly.

When I first started work, I worked for a fabulous boss whose mottos were "what's the worst that can happen" and "it's not magic", one or both of which I say to myself whenever I get into a flap or things are going a bit pearshaped.

Own your mistakes. They're rarely as bad as you initially feared anyway and, if you own them, they can be dealt with.

Your role might technically be superior to someone else's but that doesn't make you superior.

When something goes wrong, the first thing you should do is precisely nothing

@SaveMeFromForearms

Funny @HowDid I definitely don't have a job that saves lives, but I just love work for what it gives me; it has built character in me, given my kids a good example, brought people into my life who I will love forever, and given me such pride in my own abilities.

This was my point though - you have achieved something - a lot in fact - through your work that on your deathbed (as they say) will form a significant part of your lifes work and achivement. I was using those other things as more extreme examples but these phrases dismissing the importance of work, vocation and personal achievement and satisfaction through work are definitely thought up to give comfort to those who never do have that - like I said it's on the same level as 'size doesn't matter'!

To put it another way, no one ever had an obituary in a broadsheet newspaper or on the BBC news that was solely about their relationships - unless they were old school wife of someone - like the Duchess of Windsor - whose sole life achievement was marrying a famous man. In the modern world, people who are celebrated by obituary on death are people who have achieved more than have "relationships".

A former colleague was full of his own self importance. The boss told him:

"it's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice"!

Said kindly to me by a partner when I went from working five days to four:

Make sure you turn off your laptop/company mobile as you'll no longer be paid or get benefits for your non working day.

I ensured I put my out of office message on my email signature and on my desk/mobile phones and didn't check anything until my return to the office or on the train travelling in. If there was anything absolutely mind shattering needed in my absence (there never was in my job) he had my personal number. 🌹

Strongly disagree. Some of us work for charities or in social care. We care passionately about our causes and believe what we do from 9-5 helps people, makes a difference or can change the world.