The best work advice you ever got

[SunsetBeauregarde]

I’ve just come through a tricky couple of days at work, but got through it due to a mumsnet thread and some golden nuggets of advice I got from a brilliant manager in the past. I thought I’d pay forward the kindness I got on my thread and start a new one for the best advice you ever got at work:

Never begin a difficult conversation on the same day you realised the need for one.

Never enter a negotiation without a clear idea of the outcome you want.

Never ‘meet them half way’ - reduce your offer in gradually reducing increments, never more than 10% at a time.

Never make yourself a threat. Work with your opponent never against them. ‘Us’ is much easier to sell than ‘me vs you’

Make your opponent feel ahead of a problem, not behind it. They are more likely to offer a resolution if they feel like they’re creating a ‘near miss’. ‘Let’s work out how to stop this becoming a problem’ is much more motivating to come to the table than ‘this is a problem, what are you going to do about it?’

@maddy68
No one ever thinks to themselves in their deathbed "I wish I had worked a bit harder"

I can't bear this and think it is just crap cooked up as an excuse for slacking. It probably depends on your job; it maybe true if you have a low level role that will never progress. If you have a profession with a clear structure (like medicine becoming a consultant for example) or a job where you could be recognised and achieved, professional failure because you didn't work hard enough or achieve what you could do for many people can be a serious and devastating life regret.

Best work advice I was given was be nice to everyone because you just never know - today's intern getting the tea, in 10 years time may be the client who gives you your big break. If you treat people like shit, they will remember you for ever and will fuck you over if they get an opportunity.

After a varied and inglorious career trajectory, I finally found my home in the therapy profession. When I qualified, a mentor advised ‘follow your nose’ and it’s worked well for me so far.

Another one - I do find this very hard - was someone said to me if you can't or don't want do something optional, don't volunteer a reason (this is also general life advice - like not wanting to go to a party, work do or social event) because men never do and it's a very female thing to be trying to excuse yourself and give a reason.

Once it was pointed out to me I realised how true it is.

Stereotypical conversations

Boss - are you coming to the work party?
Man - no unfortunately I can't make it [statement - no reason]
End of conversation

Boss - are you coming to the work party?
Woman - no sorry I can't I have to look after my kids
Boss - are you sure you can't organise some child care, this is important for team building
Woman - I don't think so but I'll look into it.

Never write an email when you are angry

I wish I’d heard these when I first started working, mine are

if it isn’t written down it didn’t happen
always cover your arse (meaning record every decision etc)

Everyone is replaceable! (Basically don't kill yourself over a job).

As my dad would say..... turn up on time and do what they tell you!

Simple but counts for a lot.

Totally agree!

Hold it lightly, you are not that important. ( meant in a good way whenever it is tempting to lose perspective!)

Every time you say yes to something, you say no to something else.

No one ever looks back on their deathbed at their work. They look at their relationships.
ITS JUST WORK.
Work to live not live to work.

When dealing with conflict or negotiations "Take the personalities out of it"

It makes a huge difference when dealing with someone you don't like. What you do if you of the same request came from someone you respected or like. Ultimately that's the right approach. Too often a difficult personality can cloud judgment & stall progress.

Things I learnt from a really lazy, rubbish boss. Not nice but ways to escape work.

I'm happy to follow your lead.

I'd like to give X an opportunity to step up/build their profile

I feel like I would be hogging the limelight of I took that on, would someone else like the share the task on this occasion?

This could be a learning experience for X, as I've seen it before (He never had!)

My skills are very specialised & I've been accused of being old school - if we want real change, can I suggest that X, Y, and Z draft the proposal & I'll review it before it's submitted (They do all the work - His name is on the final document)

Or my favourite- I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with public speaking so I'm happy to present to the Board. (Again everyone else does all the research, planning, strategy, & prepares the presentation. He just talks & then with every queries - he responses with X worked on me on that element so I'll give her the opportunity to come in now)

I know a lot of people are sincere when they suggest some of the above but he never ever did any of the heavy lifting or real work - but he was a master in being the one with his name on the final document or presentation!

Work to live, don't live to work.

Meetings - always have two things to say in a meeting (although I notice he didn't say this to my silent male colleague)

Meetings - when you go into the room look round and take note of who is on your side (said by female colleague) Basically, there is support for you and your ideas at every meeting.

Before sending emails, review and delete all the times I apologise or add lib unnecessary niceties. ;)

This!!

But also email like it might be read out at a tribunal.

I hate this saying. What is 'just' work? The thing I spend 50 hours a week pursuing, enjoying, building my self esteem and carving out things in life for myself that feel very important to me?

That's not just work, that's a huge pillar of my life.

The advice I give (and try to follow) is

Always delete the email addresses on a reply before you start writing your response. Every time. Without fail. And never put them in at the start of writing a new one.

That way, you get into the habit of writing all emails with a blank addressee, carefully and consciously adding them on at the end and you are far less likely to let the entire department know exactly what you think of Sarah in Legal's suggestions for organising the photocopier paper or Richard in Finance's pronouncements upon the glass ceiling. Or Mavis Ricochette, Local Amateur News Reporter of Newtown Plodge, Fukety-on-Toast, Monmouthshire who happens to have the same first two letters of her email address the same as Mark in Compliance and it's autocompleted when you're informing him that his immediate report is a supermassive twat and if any of this gets out the company is toast, as is half the surrounding ancient woodland and three primary schools.

(and yes, I do exaggerate to get the point across).

And if you survived a near death experience tomorrow or lost a close loved one or suffered throughout any number of life altering things, I doubt work would be the no 1 priority any more.

Work is work. If you leave, you'll be replaced (unless you are a one woman band in which case 🤷🏼‍♀️). The world keeps moving without us. That's all.

And you know I haven't dealt with those things because...@PinkFootstool

Never cry at work

If you have to then hide in the loo and have a cry but never ever cry in front of your colleagues

Be in at the start of a change. It will happen so if you're at the forefront you have a chance of a say. Being at the back as a naysayer and you'll be doing it anyway, but with no voice.

Also never, ever write something down that could be used in a SAR or tribunal.

Always delete the email addresses on a reply before you start writing your response. Every time. Without fail. And never put them in at the start of writing a new one.

That is very good advice @NeverDropYourMooncup

As is your user name.

I think there can be a balance here, though - I heard something a while ago that said to build up the different pillars of your life (work being one, others could include family, friends, hobbies etc) so that if one starts to crumble the others help you remain standing. I did go through something really hard last year, and yes, having a strong work pillar helped me not to crumble.

What a great idea to share these tips. The last two in your first post would not have worked in any of my previous organisations, but I really like the others.

One of my old bosses gave me great public speaking advice: "remember, nobody knows your plans". As in, they may know the topic and agenda, but nobody knows what you're planning to say; don't get hung up on if you don't use the exact words you prepared beforehand.

It sounds really simple but had a big impact. I've used it to remind myself a couple of times that there's no need to panic about getting public speaking "exactly right" as nobody knows in advance exactly what I plan to say.

Don't know where I heard/read this staple, but "don't write anything you wouldn't be happy to have read out in a court of law."

Always, always cover your back. So if you want to leave early one day, make the time up. Be flexible but don't sacrifice your life. Stay out of dramas.