Not invited to best friends daughters wedding, asked to look after her dog!

[Lorrymum]

My friend of almost 40 years" daughter is getting married in the next few months. We have been very close, Christmas, birthdays, family bbqs etc.
Having spent months hearing about venues, dresses, menus etc. I have discovered I am not invited to the wedding. Fair enough, its her daughters wedding and she probably has no say as to who is invited.
Today my friend rang to ask a "huge favour." Would I look after her daughters dog during the wedding and the festivities? Not just pop in to walk and feed him but sleep overnight for 2 days?
I am now really cheesed off. Not good enough for the wedding but good enough to look after the bloody dog!
I don't want to risk our friendship but am trying to think of a plausible excuse. Wedding in 5 months.

There is a massive difference though between friends of your parents that you barely know, and friends of your parents that watched you grow up and that you would trust enough with your dog! The latter type really should be invited if it's a large ish wedding.

I don't see the issue but if you don't want to do it just say no.

YANBU, think of an excuse and suggest they find a paid dog sitter or kennels which compared to the probable cost of the wedding will be negligible - otherwise you'll be a free dog sitter for other family occasions you won't be invited to.

In the minority here. Absolute cheek to not invite you and then expect you to look after her dog. LOL fucking cheek. Make yourself unavailable. Book a trip away. I would absolutely expect to be invited to the wedding of the daughter of a very good friend/best friend of 40 years! For sure!

Our fucking NEIGHBOURS and one of DH'S WORK COLLEAGUES invited us to their wedding(s.) Both in March. It's a sorry state of affairs when you don't get invited to the wedding of your best friend's daughter.

You would surely know your best friends children (and would have seen them grow up.) How RUDE to not invite you, and then ask you to look after the DOG during all the festivities. What a smack in the fucking mouth. Say NO @Lorrymum And obviously YANBU to be miffed. I would be too.

Oh and do NOT buy a gift - OR a card. They have NO right to be offended if you don't.

Completely agree. Many couples don't bother with family babies, I am not surprised they don't care about older, loyal family friends. Many young people are very short sighted and extremely ungrateful.

Tell your friend sternly that you will be away and would only consider changing your plans for the wedding but certainly not for the dog (after what you've done for the bride)!

My husband had also provided references and had facilitated somebody's career change after really big problems had arisen and her career was almost destroyed. DH was very angry when he was invited but the bride whom he had helped only invited him and not the rest of us (I didn't care) unlike what her siblings had done in their weddings. On the wedding day he told a few of the bride's siblings who said she had been stupid and DH should have ignored her considering less important family friends were there.

OP, you should see the wedding photos and see who else will be there. If I saw the bride after the wedding I would say "oh, I see that so and so was there, but not aunty Lorrymum". I used to be very timid but I don't give a shit anymore.

It was rude of your dh to complain to the brides siblings!

People can invite who they like to their own weddings. Maybe they had limitations.

Unless your a dog lover and know the daughters dog I would politely decline saying something like you don't feel you know the dog well enough to have it in your home for 2 nights and it wouldn't be fair on the dog to be in an unfamiliar place with strangers for 2 nights. If the wedding is 5 months away that leaves plenty of time to find a professional dog sitter or kennel. Either way nit your problem its not your friends dog but her daughters so don't feel bad in saying no.

Just because that's what some people did on MN, does not mean that's what this couple have decided to do. Nor does it mean that your own children will invite your best friends as some of you seem so inclined to think!

YANBU and I seriously hope you don't get a suggested gift list. I get a lot of the responses of 'it's not her choice, it's the daughter's choice' but now I see it differently...

When one of my closest and dearest friend's son got married she had a whole table for her friends (10 of us and we weren't seated near the toilets either). Her son wasn't too happy at all, numbers were being tweaked and he was a bundle of nerves. But now he looks back on it as he gave his mother (who he loves very dearly) this memory of having her best friends join in on her joyous moment of her only child's wedding. And us older 'aunties' all had a wonderful time at the wedding.

Rude! You know where you are in the pecking order now.

I don't understand why you're annoyed, given you said you weren't annoyed that you weren't invited. Just say you're planning a holiday around that time so don't want to commit, or that you don't like the dog! 😉

It's fair enough to feel a bit miffed, you sound more like an aunt than a friend. Speaking from experience as a bride, this is why weddings are a nightmare because you always unintentionally hurt or upset someone.

Such a good point actually.

OP, I too can see why you are annoyed. Sounds like you played a significant enough role in not only your friends life but her daughter hence why they are asking you to look after the dog, but it’s a pity they didn’t think to invite you to the wedding. But yeah it is up to them so I’d not say anything but I wouldn’t look after the not friendly dog!

@Lorrymum The fact that you were invited to take care of the bride's dog
shows how highly thought of and trusted you are. Given that the dog is not
friendly this would be a great opportunity for you and the dog to bond.

I think you should be as frank and honest with your dear friend as you have been with us Mumsnetters. "I am now really cheesed off. Not good enough
for the wedding but good enough to look after the bloody dog".

If your friend of nearly 40 years knows the real you I'm sure she will not be
surprised by your attitude.

I can totally see your point . You were a part of her childhood. You are more like an aunt and still see her to this day .Don’t let it get to you too much, tell her to get one of her own fucking friends to look after the dog. And I wouldn’t be buying a gift either.

You can be cheesed off. I invited my parents best mates to my wedding. They didn't pay for it either.

Given that most people pay a sitter to look after their dog and the dog is unfriendly - meaning that that dog would not be top of most sitter’s lists - means they are being cheeky fuckers looking for a freebie - are you the bride?

You were always the dog sitter in their mind. Glad you’ve said no

I totally agree. It takes a lot of time and care and love to include your best friend's family in your life - it's as if all that compromise and dedication over the years (Christmases, holidays, bbqs etc), which would have incorporated hours of talking about the girl's own issues and school/friends/UCAS etc none of which is now valued as a formative experience in her life... Like the responses to the poster recently who kept her own (fed!) teenagers away from swooping on the takeaway table when friends were over, people have different views about the poor behaviour of their children and how it impacts others. This OP can now justifiably assume that any commitment and compromise for this family is not reciprocated and she can ease up. Bride can sort her own dog, bride mum can harp on about wedding issues to someone who cares! Poor show, bride family.

I agree with this, you are the ‘helpful’ friend but not entitled to actually be invited/included. You are only there to do the grunt work. It’s up to you if you are happy to accept your ‘place’

Well the daughter should invite who she wants. I am sure some brides to be have been very frustrated because their Mum or Dad has insisted their best friend or old school chum be invited etc etc. Do not take it as a slight.

Really? She’s highly thought of and trusted when it’s time to look after their dog but she’s not that highly regarded to be invited despite involving her in the planning stage etc. yeah that makes a whole lot of sense.

It's a bit odd that you were there when she was choosing her dress, but she didn't invite you to her wedding. Did she want your opinion on the dress, or did you just happen to be there?

Completely agree with @MacarenaMacarena.

Poor behaviour.

She was clearly pinned as the dog sitter.

A "useful" close friend.

Some people are very transactional like that.

It is deeply hurtful when the penny drops but better late than never.

Gift wise I would probably gift something so inexpensive or simply send an empty card with best wishes for a lovely day.

This. ^