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Fussy eaters, help me understand

147 replies

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:27

DP dislikes a lot of what I consider staple foods and is not a confident cook, whereas I fancy myself the opposite. I try not to act like a dick about this but fail fairly often, so would be grateful for any insight that might help me be kinder.

DP won't eat (might choke down if pressed): courgettes, aubergines, leeks, lentils, beans, peppers, copius onion, sushi, duck, skin, fat, anything too hot, most seafood... loads of stuff I'm forgetting. Some of these foods are among my favourites. He generally lives on plain protein, packet lettuce, and pasta/rice. Since I've known him, he has tried and liked a few new things, which is great and I try to be encouraging.

I won't eat offal (especially fish offal), mussels, and that's pretty much it. Would eat mussels if forced (just squeamish when I can see them). DP says I'm the fussy one because I dislike raw egg white on a fried egg and massively overcooked, unsalted chicken breast (burnt, dry). I was extremely pissed off when he said this, but tbf I do call him fussy all the time so maybe he was just getting revenge. I am not a lentil weaver, and happily eat instant noodles and McDonald's on occasion, I just like things to be how they should be!

Grateful for views from people who struggle with food as well as those who live with them - how do you avoid arguing? I sometimes insist upon cooking because I know he'll mess it up, which I know isn't great, and sometimes leads to little arguments... perhaps that means I'm fussy too, as well as a bit controlling.

OP posts:
WhiteFire · 21/04/2023 18:33

We generally do a variation on a theme, so different sides etc.

tbh his list of not likes leaves a whole load of stuff.

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:39

I think a big issue is that I was pretty much single for several years (as was he) so have got used to making whatever I feel like, and I feel so frustrated that DP isn't joyous about seasonal courgettes or whatever. This, accurately, makes me sound quite sad.

OP posts:
TearsforBeers · 21/04/2023 18:43

I wouldn't consider your DH fussy.
I suffer from ARFID so have a very restricted diet whereas my DH will eat anything.

Thankfully DH doesn't make a big deal of my eating habits.

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Alloveragain3 · 21/04/2023 18:46

His list isn't too restrictive at all. A lot of those foods are common dislikes. I wouldn't call that fussy.

NoraLuka · 21/04/2023 18:47

DD1 has been a ‘fussy’ eater all her life, at 17 she’s showing no signs of growing out of it. Her diet is balanced just very dull. DP has a list of things he won’t eat, including fish, broccoli, cauliflower, sprouts, sweet potatoes, leeks, mushrooms, chickpeas… Can’t remember it all. I just cook things I know they’ll eat and make something else for me and DD2 who is a normal-ish eater. It’s made me hate mealtimes with a passion to be honest and I don’t know what the ideal solution would be except getting them all to cook their own meals!

ETref · 21/04/2023 18:50

I'm a fairly fussy eater. I really hate it when people seem genuinely angry with me for being fussy, like I'm doing it to spite them or something. I would love to be able to eat absolutely anything! Being fussy is such a massive pain in the arse, I'm not like this through choice.

For me there are things that I absolutely will not eat. The thought of eating fat or skin on meat, offal, pate, strong cheese or anything overly cheesy makes me feel physically sick. I just couldn't do it. So meals that consist of those are just a no. If someone served me belly pork with cheesy mash or something like that then I wouldn't be able to eat it, however polite I wanted to be.

Then there are things that I don't like but I don't have strong feelings about. I don't really mind picking around them if they are on my plate or I can eat a little bit of them if I reaaaally don't want to be rude. But I wouldn't order them in a restaurant or cook them at home.

My dh will eat anything, he's not fussy at all. Plus most of his favourite foods are ones that I don't like. He makes the odd joke about my fussiness and moans a bit when we are struggling to decide on what to eat. But on the whole he is really good about it. He still has all the foods I don't like for lunches, snacks and meals out but he's happy to eat whatever I want for shared meals. Also he will put effort in for me when he cooks like cutting all the fat off my meat before he puts it on the plate, or making me separate versions of things from his and the dc's (mine without cheese for example). I really appreciate how he is about my fussiness tbh, I'd hate to be with someone that resented me for it.

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:50

Could someone define fussy to me... DP does not have any sensory issues or anything. Is he right to call me fussy? I just find not being able to eat summer vegetables a bit crazy. My view is weird meat is fair game, veggies can't be gross 😂

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 21/04/2023 18:51

The things you have listed are quite unusual to be honest. Can't you just make yourself a side dish of leeks? I was really fussy growing up and it used to make me gag if I could smell or taste something I didn't like.

TearsforBeers · 21/04/2023 18:52

I'm a fairly fussy eater. I really hate it when people seem genuinely angry with me for being fussy, like I'm doing it to spite them or something. I would love to be able to eat absolutely anything! Being fussy is such a massive pain in the arse, I'm not like this through choice.

100% this.
People either get angry at me or mock me.

It really pisses me off because I genuinely can't help it!

TearsforBeers · 21/04/2023 18:53

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:50

Could someone define fussy to me... DP does not have any sensory issues or anything. Is he right to call me fussy? I just find not being able to eat summer vegetables a bit crazy. My view is weird meat is fair game, veggies can't be gross 😂

Why is your way right?

KirstenBlest · 21/04/2023 18:53

How can you have raw egg white on a fried egg?

I'd cook my own food and let him prepare his own

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:53

ETref · 21/04/2023 18:50

I'm a fairly fussy eater. I really hate it when people seem genuinely angry with me for being fussy, like I'm doing it to spite them or something. I would love to be able to eat absolutely anything! Being fussy is such a massive pain in the arse, I'm not like this through choice.

For me there are things that I absolutely will not eat. The thought of eating fat or skin on meat, offal, pate, strong cheese or anything overly cheesy makes me feel physically sick. I just couldn't do it. So meals that consist of those are just a no. If someone served me belly pork with cheesy mash or something like that then I wouldn't be able to eat it, however polite I wanted to be.

Then there are things that I don't like but I don't have strong feelings about. I don't really mind picking around them if they are on my plate or I can eat a little bit of them if I reaaaally don't want to be rude. But I wouldn't order them in a restaurant or cook them at home.

My dh will eat anything, he's not fussy at all. Plus most of his favourite foods are ones that I don't like. He makes the odd joke about my fussiness and moans a bit when we are struggling to decide on what to eat. But on the whole he is really good about it. He still has all the foods I don't like for lunches, snacks and meals out but he's happy to eat whatever I want for shared meals. Also he will put effort in for me when he cooks like cutting all the fat off my meat before he puts it on the plate, or making me separate versions of things from his and the dc's (mine without cheese for example). I really appreciate how he is about my fussiness tbh, I'd hate to be with someone that resented me for it.

That's really helpful to hear, thank you. I'd never want DP to feel awful, I can see it's not controllable, but I think him acting like he is the non-fussy one has set me off... I'll try not to force acceptance of disliked veggies in future.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 21/04/2023 18:55

Does he really think you’re fussy or did he say it once during a bit of a row? Because he feels defensive because of how you are about it?

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:56

TearsforBeers · 21/04/2023 18:53

Why is your way right?

He washes raw meet and cooks it to the point that it's chewy. He doesn't use salt. He fried eggs so the white is still clear and stretchy. I dont eat them like that. My view is that that is wrong and potentially not safe.

OP posts:
whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:57

AppleKatie · 21/04/2023 18:55

Does he really think you’re fussy or did he say it once during a bit of a row? Because he feels defensive because of how you are about it?

He's repeated it. I'm fussy because I don't like overcooked meat/undercooked eggs.

OP posts:
whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 18:59

converseandjeans · 21/04/2023 18:51

The things you have listed are quite unusual to be honest. Can't you just make yourself a side dish of leeks? I was really fussy growing up and it used to make me gag if I could smell or taste something I didn't like.

I am surprised that you think that, but that's a valid criticism. I've got so used to cooking recipes with these veggies that this seems really odd to me (e.g. pasta with leeks is one of my go-tos).

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 21/04/2023 18:59

I try not to act like a dick about this but fail fairly often

DP says I'm the fussy one because I dislike raw egg white on a fried egg and massively overcooked, unsalted chicken breast (burnt, dry). I was extremely pissed off when he said this, but tbf I do call him fussy all the time so maybe he was just getting revenge.

Yep. He's getting revenge, and I don't blame him.

shivawn · 21/04/2023 18:59

I don't really know what you need help with understanding? He doesn't like those foods. I don't get all the arguing over who is fussier than the other, is this a long term serious relationship or have you just recently started going out?

ETref · 21/04/2023 19:01

I think that calling you fussy is him being defensive and trying to prove his point to you. I'm pretty sure I've done the same in the past (though not with dh). The way you feel about undercooked egg whites is the same way that he feels about other foods. He just wants you to realise that.

It doesn't matter what you think he should "feel" about certain vegetables. He feels the way he feels and you are not him.

TearsforBeers · 21/04/2023 19:04

? I just find not being able to eat summer vegetables a bit crazy. My view is weird meat is fair game, veggies can't be gross

I was actually referring to this comment.
Vegetables can be gross to some people.

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 19:05

OK, so adults living on chicken breast, plain rice and lettuce is normal. Good to know.

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 21/04/2023 19:10

You can’t really call him fussy for not eat ‘fat’ I don’t know anybody who likes/eats ‘fat’

TearsforBeers · 21/04/2023 19:11

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 19:05

OK, so adults living on chicken breast, plain rice and lettuce is normal. Good to know.

For some people that is their normal!!

It doesn't sound like you want to understand and stop acting like a dick at all.
If you did, you'd accept that what he eats is his choice and you let him get on with it

ETref · 21/04/2023 19:11

whoisthefusspot · 21/04/2023 19:05

OK, so adults living on chicken breast, plain rice and lettuce is normal. Good to know.

It doesn't matter whether it's normal or not, it is who he is. He is a grown man and can choose what he eats, you don't get to have say over it.

Look OP, if you are one of these people who takes fussiness with food as some sort of personal slight, then being in a relationship with a fussy eater is probably not for you.

Ragwort · 21/04/2023 19:14

It does sound as though your DH has a restricted diet.

It is so difficult to accommodate different eating preferences, no one is right or wrong but after over 30 years of marriage I am just so sick of trying to 'compromise' on every meal we share. I much prefer just choosing, buying and cooking my own food but I appreciate in a shared home that is more expensive and not very companiable. Even tonight ... we are having spag bol but the way my DH makes bol sauce is not how I do it (and not as good in my opinion Grin) but I will smile and say it's lovely ... nothing wrong with it, but just not how I make it. Equally there are things I cook that I think are delicious and DH just doesn't enjoy them. Full disclosure- I went to catering college & have worked in restaurants Grin.

I don't know what the answer is apart from eating separately.

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