Page 13 | Do you ever get a strange feeling about someone ( or something?)

AskMeMore · 15/04/2023 12:36

Daffodilwoman · 15/04/2023 08:33

I had an ex who was very good at reading people. I put it down to the fact that he grew up in a very abusive household. Abusive verbally, mentally and physically so his sixth sense or whatever you want to call it was highly developed.
Amongst other things he predicted that:
A good friend of mines wedding would not go ahead. I told him he was being silly, I was due to be a bridesmaid. A few weeks before the wedding she called it off.
Regarding another close friend, the first time my ex met her husband he told me that he believed her husband was abusive towards her. She had never told me anything of the sort. Many years later she left him, citing his violence throughout their marriage.
I think my ex could read the signs as it were due to how he had had to do the same to survive.

I think it is true if you have been in an abusive household you recognise the subtle signs that others may not.

Trez1510 · 15/04/2023 14:05

AskMeMore · 15/04/2023 12:36

I think it is true if you have been in an abusive household you recognise the subtle signs that others may not.

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I also agree with @Daffodilwoman

My ex-husband and current partner were/are absolutely in awe of my ability to get us out of parties, pubs, functions just before it all kicks off.

They both trust(ed) me in that when I said 'Time to go!' no matter how much we were enjoying ourselves, it really was time to go.

It's not a conscious ability, I think I'm subconsciously reading tension/aggression in the room and going into 'flight' mode as a result.

Family/friends have noticed it too saying things like 'Yet again you two just missed all the drama!!'

I'm happy to always miss the 'drama'.

Mrsgreen100 · 15/04/2023 16:02

YES …had that feeling about my ex of 25 years
I felt something was off I had a I thought crazy
at the time , that he might be a criminal or had done something awful.
we had got back together after a split , and put it down to my being paranoid!
cut to the chase 24 years later I found out he was stealing from me and had another woman the whole time .
I’m a successfully business woman,everyone I knew liked him , or so I thought.
turns out he was living a secret life
l had trusted him to do my accounts etc
I had been living with a malignant, covert narcissist.( I had no idea what that even was)so much of what he was doing wasn’t even to steal , just done to devalue me ,the depth of his deception is complete total even stole money I had saved for our son a lot
police think they have enough for a custodial sentence.
its a complete living nightmare.and i wasted so many years of life on him.
I so wish I had listened to my gut instinct years ago .
my advice is someone seems off they are.
trust that feeling completely!

LittleOctopus · 15/04/2023 18:11

I used to live in the flat below a local town councillor in his 40s who lived with his girlfriend in the flat above. He used to try to be friendly to me and my housemate when we saw each other but I didn't say hello to him when I saw him and always told my dp and housemate I found him really creepy and felt uncomfortable around him. They used laugh at me for having taken such a random dislike to someone. He moved out in a hurry one day after having been caught sleeping with a teenage boy.

Biilie82 · 15/04/2023 18:13

ABugsLyfe · 13/04/2023 09:15

I know some may think it's crazy but I've definitely had that feeling several times and I've been right every single time. I'll narrate 2 experiences.

DH were dating then, we had been together for about 6 months or so. He started introducing me to family and friends of his and I met a particular male friend of his. DH said they had been friends since college days and was one of his closest friends. We gave each other side hug and exchange pleasantries. I can't explain it but a feeling of dread just overwhelmed me when we hugged. I just knew something about him wasn't right. I'm the kind of person that always speak up when I'm feeling a certain way so I told DH. He didn't really take me seriously. I just told him to be careful around his "friend". Long story short, friend wanted my DH to take out a big loan on his behalf and wanted to secure the loan using my DH's house. DH said no of course. Well he went ahead and did fraudulent activities and attempted to take out the loan out anyway, forged signatures, the whole 9 yards. Not sure how he thought he could get away with it tbh. That was the end of that friendship.

The other one was when me and DH once met a man at church and we usually socialize after service. It was him and his family's 1st time visiting so we went over to greet him. I shook his hand and that same feeling of dread. I couldn't shake it. On our way home I told my DH that I don't think that man was a good person and although DH may have been a bit skeptical of my "assumption", he has learnt over the years to trust my judgement. Every time I saw that man I got the same feeling. His wife and I actually became a bit close via a mutual friend and I would occasionally invite her and the kids over to our house. She broke down one day and told us her H has been abusing her in every way possible. I can't even type some of the horrors he's done to her. A week ago he actually broke her leg. Another mutual friend and I have been encouraging her to leave, offered help etc but it's been a back and forth, she'll leave and then go back. I just knew my feeling was valid as usual.

Thd first one certainly sounds like a stretch tbh

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/04/2023 18:22

Yes. But literally only once in my 60 years on this earth! He was the guy who worked in a storage facility where we rented a unit for a few months while our kitchen was being renovated. He was incredibly good looking, like a movie star, but just gave me the shivers in every way. Was so strange. I'm usually very chilled and open-minded.

namechangingisboringme · 15/04/2023 23:18

Trixiefirecracker · 12/04/2023 22:11

I recently met someone, just a friend of a friend, and had a really visceral gut feeling about her and not in a good way. It made me feel so uncomfortable and I felt really awkward around her, like she might know what I was thinking. I have no idea why this happened and has never happened before, there was no obvious reason for it. She was perfect polite. However It felt like all the hairs stood up on the back of my neck and something about her really rattled me.Has anyone else ever had this experience and were they ‘right’ about their gut feeling?

My ex FIL and that didn't end well. I was vindicated in never wanting to be around him as a 15-19 year old and also never wanting my child in his presence.

bottleofbeer · 16/04/2023 21:11

Newname, I did explain. I'm assuming you read on?

bottleofbeer · 16/04/2023 21:21

AG247.

Psychopathy is a spectrum. There is primary and secondary.

The gold standard test is the Hare test. A score over 20 is diagnosable. 40 is up there with the worst. You also take childhood incidents/teen incidents and criminal history into account.

Secondary tends to be shit life experiences. We don't call it psychopathy any longer. It's now called anti social personality disorder.

Secondary will experience some empathy, some remorse, some fear.

Primary tend not to. The higher the score on the Hare test, the less empathy, fear etc...

They often do very well in life. It's about one in a hundred people are estimated to be psychopaths. Yet it's estimated that one in eight surgeons are. Same with clergy. There are more professions but can't think off the top of my head.

You'd actually be better off with a psychopathic surgeon, they make utilitarian decisions without emotion so won't hesitate to do what it takes to save your life on the operating table.

CountingMareep · 17/04/2023 22:05

You'd actually be better off with a psychopathic surgeon, they make utilitarian decisions without emotion so won't hesitate to do what it takes to save your life on the operating table.

That also explains why top surgeons are notoriously difficult to work with. I’ve long thought that the job demands an extraordinary (if not impossibly contradictory) mixture of qualities.

I would have thought that such people would do well in the Armed Forces too, especially in combat.

Avocadoandcheese · 17/04/2023 23:18

bottleofbeer · 16/04/2023 21:21

AG247.

Psychopathy is a spectrum. There is primary and secondary.

The gold standard test is the Hare test. A score over 20 is diagnosable. 40 is up there with the worst. You also take childhood incidents/teen incidents and criminal history into account.

Secondary tends to be shit life experiences. We don't call it psychopathy any longer. It's now called anti social personality disorder.

Secondary will experience some empathy, some remorse, some fear.

Primary tend not to. The higher the score on the Hare test, the less empathy, fear etc...

They often do very well in life. It's about one in a hundred people are estimated to be psychopaths. Yet it's estimated that one in eight surgeons are. Same with clergy. There are more professions but can't think off the top of my head.

You'd actually be better off with a psychopathic surgeon, they make utilitarian decisions without emotion so won't hesitate to do what it takes to save your life on the operating table.

This is fascinating (the surgeon part)!

The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson is a good read.

amusedbush · 18/04/2023 13:18

I'm autistic and ended up in some really dodgy situations when I was younger due to being hugely gullible/trusting with limited understanding of personal safety. I was easily manipulated and never seemed to realise when people were being fake. Now I'm much more cautious and listen to any "bad vibes" I sense.

However, I don't claim to be the world's most likeable person. I have a lifelong history of people not vibing with me immediately; people have told me flat-out that they thought I was cold/aloof/strange until they'd spent some time with me.

I read a fairly recent study that was enlightening but also hurt my feelings 😅 the researchers were looking at interactions between NTs and autistic people, and they found that NTs instantly disliked the autistic people, even when the content and tone of autistic person's conversation was completely appropriate. They also found that NTs responded positively to written transcripts of the autistic people's conversations (i.e. there was nothing wrong with what they had said) but negatively as soon as there was video or face-to-face interaction.

Look up Uncanny Valley if you're not familiar with it. Basically, we give the NTs Uncanny Valley. Someone online suggested it's because many unmasked autistic people don't carry any tension in their eyebrows, which gives that smile-doesn't-reach-the-eyes look, and that may be the case for me. It made me realise that I have always, always pulled my eyebrows up slightly when putting on my fake neutral face.

UnDruidlyWords · 18/04/2023 13:33

What are NTs, please?

Rubyupbeat · 18/04/2023 14:48

This is probably not the same, but I met Jimmy Saville when I was 16, almost 45 years ago, I was truly naive and paedophiles weren't a known section of society amongst the general public. But I remember him taking my hand and kissing it.
I felt like something bad had gone through me and I went off and was sick. Still not sure what happened, was it total evilness, I really don't know, but it was a real, raw feeling.

Newnamenewname109870 · 18/04/2023 15:11

Rubyupbeat · 18/04/2023 14:48

This is probably not the same, but I met Jimmy Saville when I was 16, almost 45 years ago, I was truly naive and paedophiles weren't a known section of society amongst the general public. But I remember him taking my hand and kissing it.
I felt like something bad had gone through me and I went off and was sick. Still not sure what happened, was it total evilness, I really don't know, but it was a real, raw feeling.

That’s so creepy and I’m so glad it went no further!

Chewmeric · 18/04/2023 15:18

UnDruidlyWords · 18/04/2023 13:33

What are NTs, please?

Neurotypicals, I think.

LittleOctopus · 18/04/2023 15:25

amusedbush · 18/04/2023 13:18

I'm autistic and ended up in some really dodgy situations when I was younger due to being hugely gullible/trusting with limited understanding of personal safety. I was easily manipulated and never seemed to realise when people were being fake. Now I'm much more cautious and listen to any "bad vibes" I sense.

However, I don't claim to be the world's most likeable person. I have a lifelong history of people not vibing with me immediately; people have told me flat-out that they thought I was cold/aloof/strange until they'd spent some time with me.

I read a fairly recent study that was enlightening but also hurt my feelings 😅 the researchers were looking at interactions between NTs and autistic people, and they found that NTs instantly disliked the autistic people, even when the content and tone of autistic person's conversation was completely appropriate. They also found that NTs responded positively to written transcripts of the autistic people's conversations (i.e. there was nothing wrong with what they had said) but negatively as soon as there was video or face-to-face interaction.

Look up Uncanny Valley if you're not familiar with it. Basically, we give the NTs Uncanny Valley. Someone online suggested it's because many unmasked autistic people don't carry any tension in their eyebrows, which gives that smile-doesn't-reach-the-eyes look, and that may be the case for me. It made me realise that I have always, always pulled my eyebrows up slightly when putting on my fake neutral face.

Have you got a link to the study? I'd like to check if I've got tension in my eyebrows

AskMeMore · 18/04/2023 15:30

@amusedbush I am sorry to hear that. I am not autistic and seem to make friends more easily with autistic people.

PracticallyFlooredZero · 18/04/2023 15:33

Last year I was in the playground of our local park with my 3 year old. I was watching him from a bench close by while he was on a climbing frame going up and down the slide. I noticed a man in a high vis jacket checking various bits of play equipment, tightening up screws etc. Nothing unusual. I felt literally chilled to my core looking at him. I felt like I had to get my son away from him right now as urgently as I could. This was quite irrational as he hadn’t done anything wrong or out of the ordinary. I was just about to call my son to come out of the playground with me and I saw this man look at him and glance round at the other kids. Something in his eyes looked so predatory. He just had an aura of malevolence. I called my son and told him we were going to get ice cream. I just had to get my son away from this man as quickly as possible. On my way out I looked back at him and the back of his vest said community service, and there were various others as part of this group in other areas of the park. I don’t know what this man did but he made my blood run cold. Never felt like this before or since.

bottleofbeer · 18/04/2023 22:32

Jon Ronson's books are all very good (even though I can never accept that his name isn't Ron Johnson 😁)

There are loads of really good books on the subject.

Give a primary psychopath a fairly privileged upbringing and they will go far in life, usually.

Don't ever become friends with one.

bottleofbeer · 18/04/2023 22:41

When you know what a psychopath is, you spot them in a crowded room.

They are charm personified, but their eyes are dead. Call that a cliche but it's true.

I meet them in my line of work more often than the average person does. I almost always instantly know and my hair stands on end. I have very perfunctory dealings with them in as much as it's possible to.

They'd squash you like a bug and not think a damn thing about it. You're less than nothing to them but they can be useful. Like I said...damn good surgeons.

And yes, the military has a higher than average representation than the general population.

ImpossibleDrear · 18/04/2023 22:49

I had an odd experience once. I was about 18 and working a temp job taking the sandwich trolley round a council building in my local city. I lived in a village. I worked there just a few days.

One day, the lift door opened and an older man, probably in his forties, was standing there. We both stopped and stared for a minute before saying, 'Don't I know you?' We tried to figure it out for ages (maybe five minutes I guess) by asking about different things like church, schools, teachers, my parents friends, etc. We never did figure it out and went about our business.

I've never had such a feeling of total gut recognition that I couldn't logically explain. I suspect we did know each other from a real place (not woo, I mean) but couldn't make the connection, so it just ended up being a peculiar encounter, especially with our ages being so different.

Underestimated4 · 19/04/2023 07:48

I did about a parent from my child’s nursery. She was very friendly and chatty but I couldn’t budge that there was something that didn’t feel right about her, so bizarre.

UnDruidlyWords · 19/04/2023 08:11

ImpossibleDrear · 18/04/2023 22:49

I had an odd experience once. I was about 18 and working a temp job taking the sandwich trolley round a council building in my local city. I lived in a village. I worked there just a few days.

One day, the lift door opened and an older man, probably in his forties, was standing there. We both stopped and stared for a minute before saying, 'Don't I know you?' We tried to figure it out for ages (maybe five minutes I guess) by asking about different things like church, schools, teachers, my parents friends, etc. We never did figure it out and went about our business.

I've never had such a feeling of total gut recognition that I couldn't logically explain. I suspect we did know each other from a real place (not woo, I mean) but couldn't make the connection, so it just ended up being a peculiar encounter, especially with our ages being so different.

I had the same thing years ago. I was starting a new job and doing some training when this woman came through the office. We both stopped, pointed at each other and said 'I know you'. I was convinced I knew her, she was just so familiar, and she was convinced she knew me, but we could find no connection. I was new to the city and she'd always lived there and we'd lived very different lives, so there was no chance of a previous meeting. It was so jarring. I still occasionally wonder who she was.

Flyinggeesei234 · 19/04/2023 09:29

bottleofbeer · 18/04/2023 22:32

Jon Ronson's books are all very good (even though I can never accept that his name isn't Ron Johnson 😁)

There are loads of really good books on the subject.

Give a primary psychopath a fairly privileged upbringing and they will go far in life, usually.

Don't ever become friends with one.

@bottleofbeer agreed! I’m reading So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed and just looking at his name on the book messes
with my head!