Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you ever get a strange feeling about someone ( or something?)

347 replies

Trixiefirecracker · 12/04/2023 22:11

I recently met someone, just a friend of a friend, and had a really visceral gut feeling about her and not in a good way. It made me feel so uncomfortable and I felt really awkward around her, like she might know what I was thinking. I have no idea why this happened and has never happened before, there was no obvious reason for it. She was perfect polite. However It felt like all the hairs stood up on the back of my neck and something about her really rattled me.Has anyone else ever had this experience and were they ‘right’ about their gut feeling?

OP posts:
Liuckle · 13/04/2023 17:03

The gift of fear is a great book. Gut instinct isn't woo, it's often right and a warning. Really subtle ques that your conscious mind doesn't process. About danger signs in a place or someone's behaviour. Someone put it well up thread that we are conditioned to trust people who display the outward signs of socially acceptable behaviour. But it can be a mask. The book emphasises that evil people don't come dressed as monsters. They look and behave just like you and me.

HellonHeels · 13/04/2023 18:46

UnDruidlyWords · 13/04/2023 13:55

I wish we could, but it's the landlord's choice.

Show quote history

That's a shame :-( at least make sure you're not on your own when he's due to show up.

UnDruidlyWords · 13/04/2023 18:51

HellonHeels · 13/04/2023 18:46

That's a shame :-( at least make sure you're not on your own when he's due to show up.

Show quote history

Absolutely! My OH is very supportive that way and knows how I feel about this man.

HellonHeels · 13/04/2023 18:53

Really pleased to hear that, good to have somone supportive with you.

UnDruidlyWords · 13/04/2023 18:54

Thank you, he's a proper good un 😀

bottleofbeer · 13/04/2023 21:12

Someone way up thread asked me to elaborate on how neurodivergence can be a threat. Psychopathy is a neurodivergence. They have different brains, they've got small fear centres (amygdala) larger reward centres, less grey matter in the frontal lobe which is basically your personality and rational self. Deficits in the limbic system which helps control emotion.

Unmedicated paranoid schizophrenia.

Two examples. Both can be dangerous.

Fernticket · 13/04/2023 22:33

Have had bad vibes off people in the past, usually men

ThereIsATInWater · 13/04/2023 23:19

I had a "I don't like or trust you" feeling about a friends new boyfriend, first time I met him.

I played nice etc. but couldn't shake it, came home and told DH I didn't like the BF couldn't say why.

Slowly he isolated her from her family and other friends...I stayed friends on the periphery, doing everything her way....till she ran away from him one night after he'd tried strangling her and pushing her down the stairs.
Unfortunately he had got her to buy a house in his name using her money, I'd tried to question that at the time but she became defensive. So I left it.

Left her with nothing. She ended up in a women's refuge having to start from scratch somewhere else.

Took it court, but it was just before the coercive laws came in, and he got away scot free.
Turned out he was married with children!

MoirasSaggyBundles · 14/04/2023 01:23

.

Turfwars · 14/04/2023 14:19

I've had it a couple of times - mostly with men. I remember DM talking about her first meeting with DS's new boyfriend and went to DH and said "I hope I'm wrong but I think there's something dodgy about him"

Found out down the line he was quite controlling and abusive to DS.

I never used to be that well attuned -my own relationship history attests to that, but an abusive relationship can be a quick learning curve.

angela99999 · 14/04/2023 18:20

I think your first gut feeling about someone is often what you end up feeling. Some people, for whatever reason, just don't get on.

azlazee1 · 14/04/2023 18:21

I believe in listening to your gut reaction. If something feels off, it probably is. It can be a person, a place, whatever - your body is sensing something isn't right and I would pay attention.

Soproudoflionesses · 14/04/2023 18:22

BKingso · 13/04/2023 09:22

I was a teacher for years and later a school senior leader. I can think of 5 male teachers that I worked with that later were convicted of sex offences against children, either online grooming and images or sexual abuse.

One was a friend- I liked him and went to parties at his house etc. One was a sleaze and made a sleazy comment to me but I never thought he would be grooming and abusing underage girls. Another one I actually employed and was his boss and never suspected a thing. He was grooming girls online. One other was a bit weird but I just thought he was a bit of an idiot and didn't get the creeps. The worst one was a very popular head of year, I considered him a mate too but years later awful abuse came out and he is now in prison as are some of the others I mentioned.

What terrifies me most here is no one suspected these men- out of scores of staff, leaders- all trained in safeguarding. It's not that I was naive. They were just so devious no one suspected. One of these abusers was actually the school safeguarding lead. I believe that the men who get caught must be the tip of the iceberg. From all the men teachers I knew in a long career 5 were caught. How many were actually abusing children? This is why I'm more worried about what we DON'T intuit than what we do.

My gosh this is really frightening that the DSL was an abuser

angela99999 · 14/04/2023 18:24

bottleofbeer · 13/04/2023 21:12

Someone way up thread asked me to elaborate on how neurodivergence can be a threat. Psychopathy is a neurodivergence. They have different brains, they've got small fear centres (amygdala) larger reward centres, less grey matter in the frontal lobe which is basically your personality and rational self. Deficits in the limbic system which helps control emotion.

Unmedicated paranoid schizophrenia.

Two examples. Both can be dangerous.

I don't know what it is about me, but the weird people always come and sit next to me on the bus! My DD is schizoprenic so it may be because of how I react to them (though I certainly don't want them to sit next to me).

wentworthinmate · 14/04/2023 18:25

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 22:16

You’ll get lots of replies about how people met Fred West down the corner shop and their hair immediately stood on end as a cold chill dropped down their spine, but realistically it’s unlikely. If it was so easy to sniff out bad people then there would never be a victim of crime because we’d all avoid them. It’s just that when someone turns out to be bad suddenly those around them cast their minds back and decide they ‘knew’ from the beginning. Like when you see a mugshot of a serial killer and someone goes ‘ooooh he LOOKS evil’ but if that same photo was shown and they said this is the hero who died saving babies from a house fire they’d say ‘aww poor man, what an angel.’

With this woman, it could have been anything. Maybe she was a bit socially odd and looked at you too long, or it was cold in there which made you uncomfortable. I read something once, a theory about how our discomfort when someone is acting in a socially inappropriate way could be linked to a primal instinct to avoid those who act in odd ways because they’re likely to be infected with some sort of rabid disease.

Brilliantly put.

Vynalbob · 14/04/2023 18:28

Don't ignore it....I used to ignore the feeling (had it since about 10).... it's been proven to be so accurate that even if logically it seems stupid I will not go against it. Happens in both extremes had good vibes from dodgy looking people and vice-versa. Mostly people are in the large middle section, which is good.

angela99999 · 14/04/2023 18:30

I had "the feeling" about the GF of one of DH's oldest friends. In the end she turned out to be a fraudster (working for a bank) took them for an enormous amount of money and ended up in jail. She had the lack of fear that someone wrote about earlier here, a real risk taker. Sadly DH's friend hit the bottle whilst she was in prison and died soon after.

itsmylife7 · 14/04/2023 18:37

@Caramac555 snap. I've felt exactly the same about Putin....pure evil emites from him.

I said to my husband for years....Putin will start a war....Husband don't be ridiculous !

Jack80 · 14/04/2023 18:46

A girl I know who has upset a friend of mine, 4 of us were friends. I had an odd feeling about her and so did others before she upset the one friend. Now me and others wish we would have spotted the red flags.

stacyvaron · 14/04/2023 18:51

You don't need to explain it, but you do need to pay attention to it. We pick up on lots of cues subconsciously that lead to us getting that feeling. Always go with your gut.

Newnamenewname109870 · 14/04/2023 18:52

bottleofbeer · 12/04/2023 23:45

I can give you the scientific explanation? It's actually real.

Well?

Pliudev · 14/04/2023 19:10

That's interesting Volturi, I never felt comfortable with a relative and for no apparent reason, was quite afraid of him. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be alone with him. He emigrated when I was about 8 and I never saw him again but much later it emerged that he was a paedophile and he spent time in prison for it.

Crazyshihtzulady · 14/04/2023 19:14

ArseMenagerie · 13/04/2023 08:54

This kind of chat unfortunately exposes not just confirmation bias but prejudice.
Lots of people ‘have a bad feeling’ about groups that they have been taught harm them subliminally or explicitly.
see Eammon Holmes/ Jeremy Clarkson having a bad feeling about Meghan or the well documented white womens fear of black men.

Oh FFS don't even go there!!

Youreeavinalaff · 14/04/2023 19:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

KisstheTeapot14 · 14/04/2023 19:38

DinosApple · 13/04/2023 11:24

Yes, I've not yet been proved right or wrong, but neither person is in my life which I am relieved about.

Both were good looking and able to charm. One was very sly. I couldn't bear to be anywhere near them.

My dad was moody and stressed when we were kids - he's mellowed a lot since. Growing up walking on eggshells has definitely helped when dealing with similar personalities in the workplace.

Being able to perceive a slight change in mood and adapt quickly is a useful skill. It's not the visceral needing to get away, more an 'I've seen this shit before, I know how to handle you' feeling.

How do you handle them Dinos? Got one at work, deffo walking on eggshells. She's a bully.

Swipe left for the next trending thread