Do you ever get a strange feeling about someone ( or something?)

[Trixiefirecracker]

I recently met someone, just a friend of a friend, and had a really visceral gut feeling about her and not in a good way. It made me feel so uncomfortable and I felt really awkward around her, like she might know what I was thinking. I have no idea why this happened and has never happened before, there was no obvious reason for it. She was perfect polite. However It felt like all the hairs stood up on the back of my neck and something about her really rattled me.Has anyone else ever had this experience and were they ‘right’ about their gut feeling?

Anna Reynolds?

@ThereIsATInWater Thread diversion, sorry. As they turned out not to be legally married, could she have sued him for her house on the basis of fraud/false pretences?

@Pieceofpurplesky

Me too — a gut feeling as a teacher about a child. He was Year 2 and 3 when I taught him, but he just made me shiver whenever I was interacting with him.

He was diagnosed with autism while I taught him, and received funding for a 1:1 at lunchtime as autism was thought to be why he struggled to play with others.

When he was in Year 6 things escalated and we had so many disclosures from his dad and younger brother (mum completely in denial) about having to rehome the cat for its own protection, needing to hide the knife block at night, brother begging for a lock on his bedroom door for safety etc.

At school many members of staff thought he was very sweet and misunderstood, and he gave those of us who were more reserved a wide berth (and some very unblinking glares in assembly etc). He hated his lunchtime INA.

He’s in Year 8 now at the secondary in the nearest town, and I dread bumping into him while shopping. Luckily it hasn’t happened yet.

I rarely believe in anything not scientifically proven, but I am highly vigilant about people thanks to growing up with a DM with MH issues and I trust my gut on this one.

This happened to me quite a few years back. I was supposed to be going to women's networking event in london, but the closer it got, the queasier (sp) I felt.

On the morning of the event I decided I couldn't do it as I felt so sick at the thought of it.
The date was 7/7.

Yes!
Gut instinct is just that...our body's warning mechanism.

I have had several, but one stood out..
I had arranged, via telephone in those days, to view a puppy for my 10yo son (17 years ago). I had already paid a small deposit. When I walked into this lady's house, I could not breathe. I felt ill, I just wanted to get away from this lady and this house as soon as I could. The puppy was adorable. My little boy was oblivious. When we left her house, I had to pull over to be violently sick. The fear and dread that filled me was consuming. Whether or not it came from the woman, or the house, or the 'friends' that she had who were hovering in the background, I really do not know? But I never went back to collect the puppy. It was like a murder or sex crime had happened.. a deep, sick feeling.

I ended up getting a puppy from someone else and never did let on to my child. I just knew I could never return to that house. Christ, it takes my breath away thinking about it!

Yes, I became friends with a lady years ago and the first time her husband walked in a room before I saw him the hairs on the back of my neck prickles and adrenaline pumped. He was friendly, but much later on sinister abuses came to light. Its happened to a much lesser degree with others, but usually the feeling is validated at some point. People can be predatory, sociopathic, psychopathic and look and behave as charming individuals. Be wary until you get to know her a little better

OMG you have just explained it perfectly.

Everyone 'masks' nearly all the time, except when relaxing with those closest to them. My autism means I see straight through all the masks, and I have take it for granted that this masking is just how NT people behave.

So when the adopted 'mask' or behaviour is so obviously (to me) at odds with the person I see behind the mask, it creeps me out. Like you say, no authenticity.

Uncanny valley.

Intuition 👍 I learning to trust it more

I was going to add this. ND people might hold eye contact for too long but also not enough, and so seem 'shifty' because of gaze avoidance.

I don't think that alone would make someone's hair stand on end, though... at least I hope not!

There is an excellent book out called "The Gift of Fear," by Gavin de Becker, talking about our visceral responses to tiny cues that our conscious minds tend to dismiss. While it might have "just been you," paying attention when things like this happen does no harm, and could possibly save your life in some situations. I highly recommend the book, if it can be obtained in the UK. Yep, Amazon UK carries it, so I'm sure it is available through other vendors as well.

they aren’t always telling the truth. There’s a really good book called ‘the gift of fear’ that explains we’ve been trained to ignore or rationalise off-behaviours as part of social conditioning. So many of the people who say somebody was ‘so nice’ have taught themselves to believe that of the person and ignore some of the warning signs. There are also plenty of people who turn around after a situation (that directly affected them) and said ‘I should have known’ or ‘i just had a horrible feeling’ but choose to ignore it.

#BKingso#
It scares me to think you knew 5 and you are just one person. How many more are there that we dont know of. I terrifies me to think anything would happen to my children to my familys children or my frends children. To think they are not even safe with teachers! So many sick sick b.......s !
What is wrong with these people that they dont know right from wrong. What makes them like this? Its aweful.

I’m not autistic or neurodivergent really but I’ve always suspected I have a degree of psychopathy. I’m only really attached to family members (parents, siblings only) and often I think that I can empathise with them because they are an extension of myself.

i always feel like I’m constantly masking around other people. I often sit with people who will comment that I’m charming, lovely or another positive compliment - and I’m often puzzled as to how they don’t catch or see any glimpse of what’s behind the surface. I often feel that my facial expressions and reactions are so obviously masky and contrived, particularly on a bad day when everything in my head can be so dark. My mind is super dark to be honest.

Conversely I’m not a bad person as I don’t act on my thoughts and I have a lot of self control in all aspects of my life (I have to do this for my benefit) - but I find it strange how little people really pick up and misread reactions. I’ve endless lists of examples of this.

Anyhow, the industry I worked in is overwhelmingly filled with ND people (technical brains etc). My boss would train our office to be able to engage effectively based on this. I never needed it really as I actually find conversation with ND people very straightforward. I’m absolutely aware that they are ‘aware’ of me, and for some reason it makes our conversation and connection much easier. I don’t feel I need to force or fake reactions or interest in things and neither them with I. I tend to find it very refreshing. Just thought I would note!

I really wish I had this instinct. May have saved me in the past. Trust your gut!!! Xx

Ohh that’s so interesting- how horrible to think what might have happened if you hadn’t cancelled.

I get that there is a scientific reason for finding people ‘off’ due to unconscious cues etc. but I wonder how this sort of thing could be explained- no doubt it can- it just can’t be a coincidence that you felt so strongly about not going beforehand.

Actually I do have one but from a few years ago. Joined a group that seemed lovely and they were initially really big on parents safeguarding their kids. After a while, they started encouraging me to leave my child alone, despite their being numerous unattended and unchecked adults nearby (huge sports centre and kids weren’t in a confined space). They then started making nasty comments every time I turned up and kept an eye on my child. The bullying got worse as did the pressure to leave my child unattended. I quietly withdrew child and myself because of a gut feeling something was not right - despite three members of staff who were lovely. My child missed the Alton Towers trip but I knew it was the right thing to do.

I mean this wasn’t really due to a gut feeling. This was just normal observation. They did several odd/potentially concerning things in a safeguarding sense. You then sensibly removed your child from them so they couldn’t have access as you no longer trusted them.

I had an ex who was very good at reading people. I put it down to the fact that he grew up in a very abusive household. Abusive verbally, mentally and physically so his sixth sense or whatever you want to call it was highly developed.
Amongst other things he predicted that:
A good friend of mines wedding would not go ahead. I told him he was being silly, I was due to be a bridesmaid. A few weeks before the wedding she called it off.
Regarding another close friend, the first time my ex met her husband he told me that he believed her husband was abusive towards her. She had never told me anything of the sort. Many years later she left him, citing his violence throughout their marriage.
I think my ex could read the signs as it were due to how he had had to do the same to survive.

Mine isn't a person maybe more a situation..
A few months ago the night before going back to work after the weekend I felt a huge sense of dread and anxiety. I felt sick and almost like I would pass out. I was convinced something bad was going to happen the next day. I couldn't shake the feeling. I cried and tried to think of excuses of why I couldn't go to work and the kids couldn't go to school.
There was no reason so I took them and went to work. I felt awful driving there and was still convinced would happen to them or me.

About an hour of being in work a colleague came in and said that a mutual friend of ours had had an awful accident on the way to work and had sadly passed away.
The feeling of dread stopped immediately and replaced by a mix of utter sadness bit relief that I was right in that something would happen and I wasn't suffering another breakdown.
I hope this doesn't sound callous.

I could have written this, word for word. I have a similar problem with a woman at work. The first time I was introduced to her, my overwhelming gut feeling was 'she's going to be trouble'. It was so clear this feeling.

Reading through the thread, maybe I've been picking up on inauthenticity. Her eyes give her away, her smile never reaches them.

The cynic in me wonders if we just didn't gel and the reason she's made my life difficult is because she's also picked up on me not warming to her. Of course, that is possible but we have very little cross-over in work and yet she's gone out of her way to be unpleasant.

There's been a few examples of impeding doom/dread, on this thread and I wanted to share my most memorable experience of that. I will tell it as I experienced it.

Some years back, I had a difficult relationship with Christmas and wanted to escape it. I planned to visit a yoga retreat on the southern tip of Sri Lanka for the whole festive period. My plan was to stay in a hut on a beach in this very remote resort. I'd booked the accommodation and was (whilst sitting with my cousin in her house) booking the flights. I had the dropbox open to pick my dates when I had this absolute feeling of dread and nausea overtake my body. I felt sick and, without a word to my cousin, I moved my dates to start from 6th Jan instead. My cousin, sitting right next to me at the time, was confused: I'd turned down Christmas with her to get away and here I was changing my mind about my big escape. I couldn't explain it but I felt a tangible fear, out of nowhere.

That Christmas was the year of the tsunami.

To this day, that moment, sitting at that computer, really confuses me. I've travelled a lot on my own. There was no reason to feel anxious at all.

Teaching?

My friend’s husband gives me the absolute ick. There’s no rational reason for it.

My friend is lovely. But I’ve definitely not nurtured the relationship in any meaningful way as I dislike her partner so intensely.

What is wrong with these people that they dont know right from wrong.

They do know right from wrong. That's why they try and hide what they're really about. There is a school of thought amongst some abusers that they aren't doing anything wrong, it's perfectly natural to be attracted to children, it's everyone else who doesn't understand, that's why they have to hide it. Or not, as seems to be becoming more prevalent.

As has been mentioned a lot already, they often get themselves into positions of trust to make their deviance easier. They often get extra pleasure from being so trusted.

Yes- you are right. My concern wasn’t them so much but an 8 year old unsupervised in the toilet with anyone who used gym/sauna/tennis courts etc and the idea that I was being a helicopter parent for worrying about this.