Unfriending a friend without offending?

[Unfriendly]

Trying to cut a long story short:

Im in a friendship circle; we’ve been friends since we were 13.

DF in question has always been a bit attention seeking. We all know it and have mostly laughed off the dramatic and gossipy stories over the years. However when my friend got married a few years ago DF who was also a bridesmaid did a fake ‘trip’ down the aisle and made a big scene, to get the attention on her. It was the final straw for us. We’ve been trying since to distance ourselves without being hurtful but we do still talk occasionally and often see each other at birthdays, occasions, meals out ect as part of the bigger circle.

The thing now is, I’m getting married. She already knows she’s not coming to the ceremony as I’m limited on numbers and we don’t talk all that often anymore. But now my hen party is being organised and I have no reason not to invite her - other than the fact I just don’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t want to horrible. I just don’t want to deal with the drama and attention seeking (and the drugs).

We genuinely are just very different people now and my two closest friends feel the same way; but we don’t know how to put the nail in the coffin gently. I don’t want it to be awkward when we see each other at meals ect.

any advice?

Strange response. People are indeed free to do as they like but there are an awful lot of cultural norms around weddings, one of which is the convention described by @LudicrouslyCapaciousBag and multiple other PP that the hen party usually only includes close friends and family who are invited to the wedding. OP is worried about upsetting the former friend and it might be useful for her to know that in usual circumstances said former friend would not usually expect an invitation to the hen party, knowing that she is not invited to the wedding.

Not strange at all, as long as you realise there is more than one culture, and that wedding culture has changed a lot in the last few decades.

There is no widespread convention that you can only invite people to the hen that are going to the wedding. Since the rise of destination weddings in particular it is perfectly normal to have people at the hen that can't or won't go to the wedding.

Stop with "usual circumstances" and "norms" when you don't understand what they are. Your notions of the norm are not the absolute norm.

As multiple posters have cited the same convention I think it's still pretty widespread. Nevertheless I clearly don't feel anywhere near as strongly as you about this so I'll leave you to carry on policing the thread. Have fun .

You're being a superior cow with all your friends behind you.

Get to fuck.

Let her think you’re not having a hen party? Then just have a quiet gathering in another town/city with your other friends? If they can keep it quiet? If they also don’t like her very much then it shouldn’t be difficult. Also make it so this friend can’t see your social media posts by changing your privacy.

At some point you are going to have to break the friendship off officially though, I couldn’t be doing with all this nonsense at all. Just tell her she’s getting on your bloody tits 🤣

@Unfriendly

Oh Were You Not Invited?

I'm So Sorry

I Wasn't Organising It

X must've forgotten to add you to the What's App group

That's a real shame

Done

@bottleofbeer 💐

Wouldn't have put it so bluntly but

Of all the things I'd do to mark getting married, dumping one of my oldest friends wouldn't be one of them personally!

I definitely agree it's better not to invite her, not say anything and have a drama free hen night

If she does ask, your reply is "I had a quiet hen night planned with just a few very close friends so we kept it small"
It doesn't matter what type of hen night you had as you had a a quiet small one planned !

Don't engage in the drama
Veer away from any discussion

She's an acquaintance friend not a close friend. Very few people stay friends with all of those who were in their school friends group, it's not unusual to drift apart from some

@DannyZukosSmile

I prefer to view the 'adult conversation' as a way to be honest and set clear boundaries.
No need to apologise or worry about offending someone. Just be clear in your view and expectations. I.e. don't want to be friends , don't want further contact and wish then well.

I don't know why people think 'ghosting' is an acceptable and mature way to behave. It's seems very narcissistic.

Lying is a temporary fix that will come back to bite you when the next event comes up.

Do people expect to go through life and never need to have a difficult conversation???