Cheeky fuckers Mumsnet edition

[Mookie81]

Coming from another thread about CFs that was massively derailed, thread derailment is at the top of my list of CF behaviour on Mumsnet.
What is yours?

The problem with changing so many details so regularly, is that if MNHQ ever questioned whether you were genuine or not, I expect they'd see so many inconsistencies that they probably would think you're a troll!

'btw I have anxiety/mental health' thrown at random into a post in an attempt to ward off any criticism, however mild

Posters being lectured by the 'you should be angry at your husband instead' brigade when they post about hating the OW. Most people can be angry at more than one person! 'She didn't make any vows to you' right, but I don't make any vows not to go up to random people in the street and pinch them or tell them I hate their hair, but I still don't do either of those things

I don't know how to describe this but like...meta complaining. like there will be a thread moaning about posters who always bring up e.g. how rich they are, and the comments will be like 'yanbu, i myself am very rich but would never bring it up'. you just did!

hilarious nicknames for newspapers and websites - prick news, grauniad, daily heil, torygraph. might have raised a wry chuckle sometime around 1995. poster posts a link to an article about something innocuous like the price of baked beans or something and is hit with the 'OP I cannot tell you if YABU or not because I would simply never click on a link from the blackshirt-supporting, death squad funding, daily heil.'

posts on threads about dating about how the poster would simply never want to date again if they broke up with their partner/their partner died etc, and they'd be perfectly happy single. i'm sure that makes the posters struggling with breakups, feeling unhappy being single, or having dating issues, feel much better.

Thanks @Kittytitt

Posters who come on to a thread who contribute nothing other than to tell OP and others to Google the subject or do a search on old threads, as the op's thread is clogging up the board.

I'd like to interact with other posters in real time, thank you. How about you scroll on and find a thread that entertains you then?

The following:

Quoting a long post just to add "This" or the ever so more smug "Exactly This"

Kindly, OP

Gently, OP

You knew he had kids when you met him

Why did you have children with him

Ducks in a row

A Clever Child Will Do Well Anywhere

Anything to do with competitive under eating or being scarily controlling of young kids intake.

This is my number 2.

It's the huge overuse of the straw man argumental technique that gets me every time. Someone posts something critical of a person, an event or a position. Immediately she is jumped upon by posters saying, "aha, so you support violence against women, then!" as if it were some kind of gotcha, when in fact the poster has said nothing of the sort. Totally specious.

“All behaviour is a form of communication”

usually in relation to a teenager being a dick, but of course it’s not their fault and of course they’re just trying to communicate a problem to you. Is there no chance that they are, in fact, just being a dick?

The one that gives me the rage is "give your head a wobble" some arsehole on the Map thread has used it, after saying, well this is a mess OP. Arghh, where did that stupid phrase come from? Also, "what on earth have I just read?"
Stop ✋️ 🫸 🫷

I can get you teenagers who are both!

I fucking hate the phrase "give your head a wobble" always some sanctimonious prick saying it.

Suggesting neurodiversity as a potential answer to everything.

"My teenager is smoking weed!" - Could they be ND?

"My husband is having an affair? "Could he be ND?"

"My BF kicked a hole through my wall and smashed all my crockery!" - Could he be ND?

"I'm struggling to cope since losing my job" - Could you be ND?

"My cat has sores on her skin" - Could she be ND?

Everyone over 30 is perimenopausal.

Everyone over 50 has dementia.

Those who don't read the OP properly. One I read in the last day the OP was having an issue with their partner and very clearly stated they were both women in a same sex relationship. Cue lots of responses about "him".

Placemarking

Blatent rudeness I.e. "Keep your beak out" or telling the OP to "use your words" as though they're speaking to a 4 year old.

OPs who never return after their first post.

Posters who say "I'd just say [something nasty] but then I'm a rude bitch". Yeah, course you would love.

Those who don't read the OP properly. One I read in the last day the OP was having an issue with their partner and very clearly stated they were both women in a same sex relationship. Cue lots of responses about "him"

Yes I had this the other day - aggressively asked how I had come to the conclusion someone was male. It was in the OP.

Yes!

Everyone who behaves like a twat is autistic. Just fuck off with that already. Some people are arseholes.

Yes. Some people are just dicks.

(Also, some children are badly parented but I think you get pelted with stones if you say that)

Drip feeders give me the rage
Reverse threads - I mean just why?
Step parenting thread - "You're not his/her mum so back off"
Threads where people say don't say "LTB" but the offence is very LTB worthy - why bother to post?!

It's usually prefaced with URGENT ADVICE NEEDED in the subject.

"Man here"
"Lawyer here"
"Paramedic here"
"Next door neighbour here"
"Cowboy builder here"

You get the drift!

I think the hatred towards transgender people is crazy on here at times. Some people genuinely act like anyone who’s transgender is immediately a rapist, paedophile or deviant of some kind.

The pearl clutching “I just watched Fireman Sam with my 4 year old and there was a character who was clearly male named Lucy. Will my child grow up to have mental health issues?” posts are so tiresome at times.

Everyone can have their opinion etc but an already marginalised group of society must be feeling so much worse with this type of stuff.

It is my belief that accusations of being a reverse outweigh actual reverses by a rato of roughly 5:1.

Which brings me to another bugbear, posters accusing the (sometimes clearly distressed) OP of being a reverse or a troll. I mean, why?

Making light of the Op's situation or suggesting some stupid idea. For example, somebody will complain about their life being made hellish by noisy partying neighbours and somebody will invariably say "Go round with a bottle and join in"... Yeah, okay.! That helps... There are also often Op's posting quite upset about something like their partner is absolutely hopeless with the kids, lazy and has forgotten their birthday. Multiple posters will then suggest ridiculous stuff like the Op should book themself into a nearby hotel, buy treats, binge watch TV and returns in the morning - leaving the kids at the mercy of the hopeless partner. The posters also suggest the same course of action if the Op has only has a very minor disagreement with their partner. I mean who would actually do that irl, just up and leave their children for the night and enjoy themselves in a local hotel? Can't imagine anyone ever really doing that. How would that even solve the original problem anyway? Surely it would make it much worse.

Up thread one annoying phrase was use your words, I'd never seen it used before, until a minute ago haha. How annoying is that phrase! Why not just say, by all means leave activities out but have a chat too. Not use your words wtaf 😂😂