Cheeky fuckers Mumsnet edition

[Mookie81]

Coming from another thread about CFs that was massively derailed, thread derailment is at the top of my list of CF behaviour on Mumsnet.
What is yours?

People who write “are you always this anxious?” As a way of putting the OP down. It’s basically another way of saying “this isn’t a real problem and you’re pathetic”.

'Thought not' - posters who think they are being clever by posting 'thought not' especially when their 'thought not' is something it's not unlikely someone might actually do.

So you always check whether anything you buy is ethically sourced? Thought not.

Posters who try to 'prove' that the OP's (usually fairly uncontroversial) situation is all lies by picking minor holes in it. Don't they realise that most of us change a few details here and there just in case the post ends up in the daily mail?

Also when people come on to 'tell off' an OP who is clearly having a tough time. This often seems to be from people who have a) not bothered to read even the full OP and b) clearly have much more support/resources etc than the OP.

Posters that never return.
Place marking.

Telling someone that's skint to get a better paid job like they are on minimum wage for shits and giggles?!

Telling someone to ltb because husband breathed.

Martyrs who have the entire extended family over for a fortnight over Christmas and are used as a skivvy, complain nobody helps or appreciates them then invite them again for the next twenty years....
Just tell them No!!!

I remember one distressed poster who had been raped by her partner in her sleep and one complete twonk replied with 'oh i love it when my bf penetrates me in my sleep' read the room love seriously!

People who turn the tone of lighthearted threads into miserable ones because they need to make it all about their unresolved trauma. I’ve seen it happen so many times where clearly lighthearted threads like ‘what’s the craziest thing your mum’s ever said to you’ starts off with lots of cute brain fart moments and funny examples, then someone will come on with something like ‘I’m NC with my mum because she always used to call me a fat slut and used to beat me and say she wished I’d died at birth’ and just like that the thread is killed - sometimes because no one really wants to follow that with something frivolous, sometimes because that becomes the green light for everyone else with bad experiences to start adding them to the thread. I mean, we’re really sorry you had that bad experience but maybe this thread isn’t for you…

I agree with @harriethoyle - the people who quote the whole OP AGAIN just to reply. We've all read it!! We don't need it again!
WHY on Earth do they feel the need?

Hahaha yes quite!! The chill cool mums - just fuck off

I’ve written this before, but the solipsists who project their own experience in everyone else:

AIBU to tell my mum to fuck off out of my house? She’s boiled our pet cat on the hob and shat in the hall.

Poster: - My mum died two years ago, I’d give anything to be able to have her round for another cuppa.

Also posters who miss the main point and pick at an unimportant detail; “I find it very surprising you say your BIL smashed your Waterford crystal tumbler? Does anyone under 76 years old actually own or use Waterford Crystal?

Posters who build elaborate hypothetical storylines to justify why a person might be justified in acting in an apparently indefensible way; “How old is your mum OP? When my Nan got older she wouldn’t wear her glasses and it led to a lot of mishaps. Perhaps your mum thought she was surprising you with a nice rabbit stew when she boiled your cat? And have you considered she might have IBS? She’s probably mortified about her accident in the hall…

Mostly people who don't read the 800 post thread 3 days ago, and start their usually long post with "Haven't read the other responses, but what I would do is <proceeds to outline useless suggestion that won't work for the OP for reasons she has clearly stated in follow up posts>". Bonus points if they copy the whole initial post, in case we had forgotten what it was.

Oh and the "You must learn to drive and buy a car brigade" conveniently forgetting that all of those things cost a lot of money - currently forking over £40 an hour for DS driving lessons and that's just the start.

People who pretend they can’t understand the OP because there’s a minor spelling mistake or worse yet, an Americanism.

”What do you mean your mother tragically collapsed and died on the ‘sidewalk’? I don’t recognise that word? Do you perhaps mean pavement?”

Women who think other women were put on earth just to serve the men i their lives, the lasagne thread was absolutely mental 'you expect your poor husband to make himself a meal? How dare you! You should sacrifice your meal and eat a crisp sandwich instead'.
Fuck off he was the greedy bastard that ate his portion the night before instead of making something else why should the wife have to do without?

“You sound like hard work, OP”

”Give your head a wobble”

”Get your ducks in a row”

”Find your anger, OP”

”Is it possible your DS has autism? Would you consider an assessment?”

Posters who derail the thread by suggesting they can't possibly give advice without certain irrelevant details.
Classic example is "what is yo6u DH's hobby!?!"

What's the difference between writing "DH goes to a hobby group once a week" and "DH goes to salsa dancing once a week" when the truth is it's a pottery class? The issue is whether he should be taking the big car or the little car and nothing to do with the actual group so why does it matter!?

Even very normal and boring habbies can be outing when mixed with certain details and an advanced search.

Quoting the whole OP in response.

Replies from people with strongly-held views about something that cannot fathom other people having equally strongly-held views in the opposite direction

Not reading all the OP's posts. (not reading all the replies is legitimate if >1 page.

OPs who leave out essential information like their budget (where shall we go for dinner in X) or whether the children are his (AIBU about this childcare situation).

I hate when people just out & out lie about how they'd react to a situation. Usually a parking thread. Cue all the MNers who'd key the paintwork, put dog shit on the door handles etc. You know never in a million years would they do what they're suggesting.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4778444-to-think-this-is-so-cheeky?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Here you go 🤭

Posters who say that "MN isn't a hive mind", when on a number of issues, MN is ABSOLUTELY a hive mind.

I hate all the hyperbole on some threads, ‘if that happened to me I be straight over there and kick the door in’. No you wouldn’t, love, you’d tut.

Ah bless you and your lack of critical thinking skills.

When the op replies only on mumsnet ...bla bla bla. Normally after they have been told they are bu. Littrally just read one where the op replies only on mumnet would you talk to a 9 year old about the gender pay gap . Makes me so mad. why even post if you hate mumsnet that much. I would totally talk to a 9 year old about the gender pay gap by the way.

People who shoehorn a moan about Brexit into everything, no matter how tenuous the link.

OP: Is my boyfriend having an affair with my best friend?

MNer: Probably, but you can hardly be surprised because life is so shit after Brexit he's probably shagging your mate to make himself feel better about everything.

OK we get it. Brexit is crap but just get on with it.

..oh and LTB.. as if it was just that simple.

Any stepmother daring to say anything about anything because 'it's none of her business' and 'you chose to be in this situation'.

Responses to anyone catching their OH doing anything vaguely porn/wanking related.
I don't mean extreme stuff like catching your partner using prostitutes but a good example was a thread the other week with OP middle aged OH following young women (probably spam bots or links to porn spam) on insta and the responses were insane..... 'your husband is a filthy, dirty animal I've never heard anything so disgusting you must leave with your young children immediately'

I saw one once where the op was advised to cancell her wedding because the dp went to a strip club on stag do for an hour.

On any thread where people mention they are childfree by choice, the inevitable person who pops up to ask 'Why are you on a parenting site?' - seemingly oblivious to the plethora of non-parenting related topics here.