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Original poster

I need strength to keep my calm !

110 replies

burgledinParis · 08/04/2023 23:36

For a long and complicated reason I currently have a very good friends sister, her 10 year old son and absolute arsehole of a husband staying with me until Monday afternoon.

Sorry this is still going to be long ...

I promised my friend and her husband (lets call them Jane and John) I could cope, but it's been just over 24 hours and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

They arrived last night after a very long drive, the husband started by complaining how complicated it was to park, I'd warned them before they arrived and its easter weekend in Paris - its hard to park - I ended up basically jogging through the neighborhood and managed to find a space and then paid for the parking because he said his card wasn't working ( Jane and John had foreseen this and left me cash but her FDSis and Arsehole BIL don't know this).

Once they're parked they come up to the apartment ABIL complaining about the fact it's 2nd floor no lift. FDSis is obviously embarrassed, so I try and make a joke about it.

The parents are in my spare bedroom and I'd set up a single bed in my office for the child with nice sheets - set up a Lightbox sign with "welcome child" and an easter egg ( provided again by Jane and John).

ABIL then starts saying he's hungry and FDSis asks if she can cook and unpacks value pasta and a tin of tuna from her bag to make supper. I say, I'm making a tomato and feta tart we can share both. We cook together while ABIL goes through my things without asking - taking things off my shelves, un connecting my phone from my speakers too connect his etc.

We then have supper together and ABIL goes on about how my cooking is better than his wives and it's a surprise I don't have a husband as I can cook but because I'm a nurse like Jane it's understandable because no proper man wants to marry a nurse, and proper mens wives don't work.

He then decides at 10 pm that they're going to go and see the Eiffel Tower - I magically find 3 spare transport cards ( that Jane provided and paid for ) and walk them to the metro. DFSis asks me to come with them - I decline and stop at the first bar on my route back to the appartment to down a strong drink.

They get back - I'm in bed but can hear ABIL complaining about how many people there were at the Eiffel Tower (No shit Sherlock!).

They go to bed. In the morning I realize that ABIL has slept alone in the double room in the double bed leaving the single in the office for his wife and son to share.

Breakfast is more of his shit comments and him being a cunt to his wife - I magically find spare tickets to the Louvre hanging around ( again - left by Jane and John) and send them off with a picnic- as they leave I see that he's locking the door to the bedroom, (there are keys but I've never used them) but even if I find this strange I'm at the point of no fucks given, I don't say anything... They leave. I go off to the market, have lunch with friends, get home and realize that MY OFFICE in my house, is also locked and I can't get in to get my chargers and work stuff. My office that is very obviously an office that I'd put a spare bed in for his kid - is locked. what the actual fuck?

Anyway, they got back half way through me writing this - I chose the route of no conflict and made supper for everyone. He sas horrifically flirty with me at supper and I find him so repulsive. He then went to bed thankfully without saying thank you or cleaning anything up and I managed to have a nice chat with DFSIS. She's so happy to be in Paris and told me she really liked my face cream/Shampoo - and because she's Janes sister I'm happy she's here but He's in my house another 48 hours ... I promised Jane I would keep the peace and I could cope - but I honestly want to murder the fucker in his sleep. And he's not even my BIL, he's a BIL by friendly association.

Any tips ? More of the meditative self calming sort than of the confrontation type. He made a comment on my drinking (I only had one glass of wine in front of him - he went on about nurses having low standards and drinking alone - they don't drink.)

I just need to be able to get through breakfast and supper tomorrow but I honestly don't know how I can keep calm...

And if you got this far reading thank you ... and as a bonus Jane is not a nurse - she's an anesthesiologist- and I'm not a nurse either - we are both women who work in hospitals though...

OP posts:
ChiefDogsbody · 08/04/2023 23:47

Oh god you must have the patience of a saint.

Isn't there going to be some sort of strike or demonstration which means it would be much better for them to leave tomorrow instead of Monday?

Failing that, more wine.

Auntpodder · 08/04/2023 23:47

locked your office? Would the saintly J&J pay for a hotel for you? Hospital staffing emergency? (And then lock your bedroom door)

VerityUnreasonble · 08/04/2023 23:52

I have no good advice.

But I would be willing to provide an alibi for the time of the murder if you need one.

Original poster
burgledinParis · 08/04/2023 23:57

@ChiefDogsbody

god you might be on to something - petrol is running low and they need petrol to drive back home- might run out totally by Monday - Looking into this now.

OP posts:
BleepBipBoop · 08/04/2023 23:59

I’m more interested in the long backstory that would make a person accept this kind of treatment in their home. MN is full of these posts but I don’t know a single person in real life who would behave as openly aggressively as the man you have described, and even if I did I certainly don’t know anyone who would put up with it.

Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:05

@Auntpodder It's long and complicated and one of the many little bricks we're collecting with a hope that one day Janes DSIS ( who she loves dearly) will feel supported enough to leave the fucker.
Jane and John spoke out about the bastard and now haven't seen the sister for over a year.

Jane and John were with me in Paris last weekend when her sister called for first time in over a year - sister got very upset when Jane said they were just having a lazy weekend without the children and with too much wine and afternoon naps ( they come often so we don't need to "tourist" each time) , sister got very upset and was saying you can have naps in Paris and I haven't even ever seen the Eiffel Tower once I never travel. I signed to Jane to tell her she could come ... and she jumped at it and said we'll drive up from Rome next weekend then.... They drove all the way from Rome for a three day weekend...

Jane and John warned me that husband is a total arse but that the key to building contact first is not criticizing him. And Jane so wants to have contact with her sister again and I so want Jane who is the most amazing friend to be happy ... So I've got to put up with the arsehole for now ...

OP posts:
Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:08

@BleepBipBoop

See above - my best friend of over 15 years seeing an unforeseeable opportunity to get back in touch with her sister and holding on to hope that just maybe, this will be the chance for her (through me for the moment) to show her sister she is loved and cared for and has places to go and people to see if she ever wants to leave.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 09/04/2023 00:09

4-7-8 breathing?
Box breathe like a Navy SEAL?
Zen Buddhism ‘stay present’ chants like: I’m stirring the spaghetti. That is what I am doing in this moment. Just stirring the spaghetti. No other thoughts. Just this moment. Stirring the spaghetti.
Although at the rate this weekend is going, that chant might become “I’m burying the body. Just that. No other thoughts. Just burying his body. Just sprinkling the lime. That’s all I’m doing. In this moment. Sprinkling the lime.”

You can still murder him AND have a sort of Zen-ish Bob Ross voiceover going on in your head. It’ll work.

badacent · 09/04/2023 00:12

I have no advice but just wanted to say you are a WONDERFUL friend. I have been isolated from my friends and family by a prick of an abuser before and you are doing such a good thing for Jane's sister, really truly.

scoutcat · 09/04/2023 00:13

Have you seen Bad Sisters? Maybe you and your friend need to watch it with her sister. 🤣

Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:13

@TheVanguardSix I like that " I'm Sprinkling the lime.” This will be my inner voice for tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:17

@badacent They'd warned me he was bad ( I'd never met him, but did know lovely sister before him) and I though Jane might be being big sister over protective but fuck he's back. He's just slimy and unpleasant and beurk.
But Jane has been around through thick and thin - and her husband is also amazing ( we all met as students many many years ago) and she loves her sister so much - so anything I can do I will "sprinkling the lime" ...

OP posts:
Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:18

@scoutcat I haven't but I think I should !

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 09/04/2023 00:37

You are being amazing with a prick like that. What was his reasoning for locking rooms in your house? Was it just to be a difficult dick and try to get you to react?

Auntpodder · 09/04/2023 00:38

gotcha - can you imagine ABIL under the patio, and you Jane, John, sis and kid in some gorgeous villa one and mentally play to the (Dixie as was) Chicks song Earl…

The Chicks - Goodbye Earl (Official Video)

Watch the official video for "Goodbye Earl" by The ChicksListen to The Chicks: https://TheChicks.lnk.to/listenYDWatch more videos by The Chicks: https://TheC...

https://youtu.be/Gw7gNf_9njs

Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:43

@Wishitsnows Don't know - didn't ask - was actually back with another friend having coffee when I realized - friend had a Mac charger in his bag and lent it to me. That friend just said don't mention it he's looking for a rise or a fight don't give it to him.

I reckon he's a total control freak. He also arrived dressed in a suit and shirt after an 11 hour drive, he's a shift manager at a supermarket warehouse so I don't think there was any risk of a corporate zoom requiring a suit mid drive...

Maybe he thought I would steal things from their bags ? Who knows.

OP posts:
Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 00:50

I Think I'm going to go and have a last glass of wine on the balcony with a cigarette from my packet from New Years eve whist chanting "sprinkling the lime" in my head and then try and sleep - And I think I'll lock myself in to my room to sleep.

I also feel so guilty for being a bit dismissive of Jane these past few years when she was talking about how bad her BIL was - I thought he was probably no fun but had no idea he was such a cunt - I sort of put her hatred of him down to inlaw intolerance and being over protective of her little sister. I should have listened better.

OP posts:
Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 10:51

I made it through breakfast and sent them off to Montmartre whilst repeating "I'm sprinkling in lime in my head" it sort of works.

OP posts:
PussBilledDuckyPlait · 09/04/2023 10:59

The BIL sounds like the type who visits people who live in interesting places and thinks he is staying in a hotel.

stayathomegardener · 09/04/2023 11:33

I've got a duty job to do and some ironing, going to embrace both now with gratitude I'm not in your shoes.

What an absolute ARSE he is.

HadEnoughOfBears · 09/04/2023 11:59

"I'm just sprinkling the lime" is going to be my mantra from now on.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/04/2023 12:19

God he sounds awful. I would be tempted to smoke and get on the hard liquor in front of him and just stare him out in defiance.

Original poster
burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 14:51

I have convinced a friend to come round for supper for moral support. He has suggested making crepes with the son. This is not only culturally appropriate and enriching but we're hoping the general chows that always ensures when making crepes with children downs out ABIL comments during the meal.
Friend works at the hospital too, but is male - I wonder if ABIL will also assume he's a nurse.

It must be so embarrassing for DSIS as she knows her sister is an anesthesiologist ... I was housemates with Jane during her med student years in another city and DSIS used to come and visit from time to time.

OP posts:
Facem81 · 09/04/2023 14:55

and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

Have you really polished off a bottle of wine secretly?

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 14:58

How come we needed to know that she unpacked “value” pasta?

and

Jane and John warned me that husband is a total arse but that the key to building contact first is not criticizing him

shocking your friend was fully aware of this and yet still asked