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Original poster

I need strength to keep my calm !

110 replies

burgledinParis · 08/04/2023 23:36

For a long and complicated reason I currently have a very good friends sister, her 10 year old son and absolute arsehole of a husband staying with me until Monday afternoon.

Sorry this is still going to be long ...

I promised my friend and her husband (lets call them Jane and John) I could cope, but it's been just over 24 hours and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

They arrived last night after a very long drive, the husband started by complaining how complicated it was to park, I'd warned them before they arrived and its easter weekend in Paris - its hard to park - I ended up basically jogging through the neighborhood and managed to find a space and then paid for the parking because he said his card wasn't working ( Jane and John had foreseen this and left me cash but her FDSis and Arsehole BIL don't know this).

Once they're parked they come up to the apartment ABIL complaining about the fact it's 2nd floor no lift. FDSis is obviously embarrassed, so I try and make a joke about it.

The parents are in my spare bedroom and I'd set up a single bed in my office for the child with nice sheets - set up a Lightbox sign with "welcome child" and an easter egg ( provided again by Jane and John).

ABIL then starts saying he's hungry and FDSis asks if she can cook and unpacks value pasta and a tin of tuna from her bag to make supper. I say, I'm making a tomato and feta tart we can share both. We cook together while ABIL goes through my things without asking - taking things off my shelves, un connecting my phone from my speakers too connect his etc.

We then have supper together and ABIL goes on about how my cooking is better than his wives and it's a surprise I don't have a husband as I can cook but because I'm a nurse like Jane it's understandable because no proper man wants to marry a nurse, and proper mens wives don't work.

He then decides at 10 pm that they're going to go and see the Eiffel Tower - I magically find 3 spare transport cards ( that Jane provided and paid for ) and walk them to the metro. DFSis asks me to come with them - I decline and stop at the first bar on my route back to the appartment to down a strong drink.

They get back - I'm in bed but can hear ABIL complaining about how many people there were at the Eiffel Tower (No shit Sherlock!).

They go to bed. In the morning I realize that ABIL has slept alone in the double room in the double bed leaving the single in the office for his wife and son to share.

Breakfast is more of his shit comments and him being a cunt to his wife - I magically find spare tickets to the Louvre hanging around ( again - left by Jane and John) and send them off with a picnic- as they leave I see that he's locking the door to the bedroom, (there are keys but I've never used them) but even if I find this strange I'm at the point of no fucks given, I don't say anything... They leave. I go off to the market, have lunch with friends, get home and realize that MY OFFICE in my house, is also locked and I can't get in to get my chargers and work stuff. My office that is very obviously an office that I'd put a spare bed in for his kid - is locked. what the actual fuck?

Anyway, they got back half way through me writing this - I chose the route of no conflict and made supper for everyone. He sas horrifically flirty with me at supper and I find him so repulsive. He then went to bed thankfully without saying thank you or cleaning anything up and I managed to have a nice chat with DFSIS. She's so happy to be in Paris and told me she really liked my face cream/Shampoo - and because she's Janes sister I'm happy she's here but He's in my house another 48 hours ... I promised Jane I would keep the peace and I could cope - but I honestly want to murder the fucker in his sleep. And he's not even my BIL, he's a BIL by friendly association.

Any tips ? More of the meditative self calming sort than of the confrontation type. He made a comment on my drinking (I only had one glass of wine in front of him - he went on about nurses having low standards and drinking alone - they don't drink.)

I just need to be able to get through breakfast and supper tomorrow but I honestly don't know how I can keep calm...

And if you got this far reading thank you ... and as a bonus Jane is not a nurse - she's an anesthesiologist- and I'm not a nurse either - we are both women who work in hospitals though...

OP posts:

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 14:58

@Facem81 - Yes - bottle of white in the fridge - just have a glass whenever I "need" throughout the day ... That was yesterday. Haven't started today yet but I'll have a prophylactic glass before they get back ...

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 09/04/2023 14:58

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 14:55

and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

Have you really polished off a bottle of wine secretly?

Why not? OP posted late last night when she had had a difficult evening. I would have sneaked off with a bottle of wine too!

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 15:01

@Facem81 because the husband was comparing the food she managed to make with value pasta and tuna from her bag in someone else kitchen to a tart with fresh produce I could make in my own kitchen - not exactly a fair playing field - and he was using it to criticize her. Also if you'd RTFT you'd have seen that friend didn't ask I offered and friend warned it would be bad.

I reckon you'd get on fine with the husband though. A bon entendeur!

OP posts:

HotelNotPortofino · 09/04/2023 15:02

HadEnoughOfBears · 09/04/2023 11:59

"I'm just sprinkling the lime" is going to be my mantra from now on.

Mine too

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:03

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 14:58

Offer some to them.

might ease him up a bit

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:04

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 15:01

I reckon you'd get on fine with the husband though. A bon entendeur!

as a dear friend

i would never ever accept my lone female friend in a two bedroom flat having three people over to stay for a long weekend, one of whom they know is an absolute and complete arse.

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:05

No matter how many times they offered

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:07

It sounds like he is abusive to his wife, in fact he is as you describe him as being a cunt to his wife.

Presumably your sister is very worried about her sister and nephew?

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:08

because he said his card wasn't working ( Jane and John had foreseen this and left me cash but her FDSis and Arsehole BIL don't know this)

the sister didn’t offer to pay with her card? Or is he financially abusive too I wonder?

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 15:09

@Facem81 It's technically a three bed - I just use one of the beds as an office.

Maybe we have different ideas of how far we are willing to go for friendship and siblings. He's not dangerous. He's not agressive to me. And DSIS is very happy to be having her Paris tourist weekend. I think her happiness is worth my being uncomfortable for a few hours. And what's more, even though it's tedious to put up with him, because I think she needs to realize we are still here and still care for her ( and she's not stupid, she knows she's here because I love her sister) I'd invite them again.

OP posts:

TragicMuse · 09/04/2023 15:09

This isn't AIBU @Facem81 and OP hasn't asked what you, or anyone else, would do.

Back down on the judgement, eh?

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:13

Where is my judgement?

this sounds like a verbally and financially abused woman

Facem81 · 09/04/2023 15:14

You were lovely to offer

my point is that given how utterly vile he is and actively abusive to his wife, I am just shocked your friend accepted your offer

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 15:15

Jane and John did discuss the financial side - they didn't necessary think that he's financially abusive, but the three of them live off one average Italian salary and they apparently in the past haven't been the best with money. Even if I'm putting them up for free and providing meals the petrol and tolls alone for one way would have cost over 250€ - so 500€ for the trip.... that's a lot of money. They might just be truly broke ....

OP posts:

suzyscat · 09/04/2023 15:16

HadEnoughOfBears · 09/04/2023 11:59

"I'm just sprinkling the lime" is going to be my mantra from now on.

Mine too!

Good luck OP! Keep up with those limes.

Rollerpiggy · 09/04/2023 15:18

I think I would casually say to her out of ear shot “how do you put up with that?” As it might help her to know this is not normal behaviour.

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 15:19

@suzyscat its great isn't it ? It could be mojito, it could be ceviche, it could be a body....
@TheVanguardSix Thank you really I did it sort of properly this morning whilst making the coffee and it really helped. Once they are gone I might read up more about it.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 09/04/2023 15:19

You deserve a friendship medal

🍸

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 15:19

@Rollerpiggy That's the endgame!

OP posts:

twolilacs · 09/04/2023 15:20

That poor woman - fancy being married to a swine like him, she must have the patience of a saint.

Harrysutton · 09/04/2023 15:24

He sounds awful. Drink the wine and be grateful it’s a shirt trip.

QueenSmartypants · 09/04/2023 15:25

Strangely, this is a really heart warming thread. While I feel for you and especially friends sister, it's wonderful to know there are people like you, Jane and John in the world.

ssd · 09/04/2023 15:43

What a shame though, the sister is so loved and cared for and still can't leave him

Lndnmummy · 09/04/2023 15:44

QueenSmartypants · 09/04/2023 15:25

Strangely, this is a really heart warming thread. While I feel for you and especially friends sister, it's wonderful to know there are people like you, Jane and John in the world.

I came on to say exactly this. Also makes me miss my friend in Paris.

Original poster

burgledinParis · 09/04/2023 23:21

Oh my god ! typing with one hand .... they got back this evening Abil sends son to his bedroom - my office. About 20 minutes later son comes out me + my friend say lets make "galette" we start making galette pancakes , I see strange light coming from corridor, go check in office, armchair on fire. I manage to put it out but burn my hand quite bad but stay calm. Melted bits of armchair stuffing everywhere. Son had found matches and lit candle on shelf, I hadn't seen this. He came to make galette and the candle fell I think. Abil goes crazy against son. Thank god friend was here. Fire out but my hand burnt - I swatted with hand.... Dbil goes crazy and asks why I didn't just pour water on the chair - I was just acting fast and panicked, was scared curtains would go up in flames.....Armchair totally fucked.... non savable. Friend is a doctor, looks at burnt hand - says it will hurt but no big damage, cold water, painkillers, ice wrap etc. Lovely sister crying apologizing, frenetically trying to clean the burnt bits of stuffing that have melted and stuck to the floor. I'm stuck in the kitchen at this point running my hand under the tap. Father is screaming at son. Friend intervenes and took Abil out for a walk. Downstairs neighbor comes and rings, asks if everything is okay as he could hear shouting and furniture moving. I explain, he leaves. Lovely sister asks if neighbor comes often, I say no... but its not normal to hear a man screaming or shouting ever so he was worried .... I. think this shocked her. Everyone now in bed. My friend is staying over on sofa. My hand hurts to fuck and back even wrapped in frozen peas.

OP posts:

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