I need strength to keep my calm !

[burgledinParis]

For a long and complicated reason I currently have a very good friends sister, her 10 year old son and absolute arsehole of a husband staying with me until Monday afternoon.

Sorry this is still going to be long ...

I promised my friend and her husband (lets call them Jane and John) I could cope, but it's been just over 24 hours and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

They arrived last night after a very long drive, the husband started by complaining how complicated it was to park, I'd warned them before they arrived and its easter weekend in Paris - its hard to park - I ended up basically jogging through the neighborhood and managed to find a space and then paid for the parking because he said his card wasn't working ( Jane and John had foreseen this and left me cash but her FDSis and Arsehole BIL don't know this).

Once they're parked they come up to the apartment ABIL complaining about the fact it's 2nd floor no lift. FDSis is obviously embarrassed, so I try and make a joke about it.

The parents are in my spare bedroom and I'd set up a single bed in my office for the child with nice sheets - set up a Lightbox sign with "welcome child" and an easter egg ( provided again by Jane and John).

ABIL then starts saying he's hungry and FDSis asks if she can cook and unpacks value pasta and a tin of tuna from her bag to make supper. I say, I'm making a tomato and feta tart we can share both. We cook together while ABIL goes through my things without asking - taking things off my shelves, un connecting my phone from my speakers too connect his etc.

We then have supper together and ABIL goes on about how my cooking is better than his wives and it's a surprise I don't have a husband as I can cook but because I'm a nurse like Jane it's understandable because no proper man wants to marry a nurse, and proper mens wives don't work.

He then decides at 10 pm that they're going to go and see the Eiffel Tower - I magically find 3 spare transport cards ( that Jane provided and paid for ) and walk them to the metro. DFSis asks me to come with them - I decline and stop at the first bar on my route back to the appartment to down a strong drink.

They get back - I'm in bed but can hear ABIL complaining about how many people there were at the Eiffel Tower (No shit Sherlock!).

They go to bed. In the morning I realize that ABIL has slept alone in the double room in the double bed leaving the single in the office for his wife and son to share.

Breakfast is more of his shit comments and him being a cunt to his wife - I magically find spare tickets to the Louvre hanging around ( again - left by Jane and John) and send them off with a picnic- as they leave I see that he's locking the door to the bedroom, (there are keys but I've never used them) but even if I find this strange I'm at the point of no fucks given, I don't say anything... They leave. I go off to the market, have lunch with friends, get home and realize that MY OFFICE in my house, is also locked and I can't get in to get my chargers and work stuff. My office that is very obviously an office that I'd put a spare bed in for his kid - is locked. what the actual fuck?

Anyway, they got back half way through me writing this - I chose the route of no conflict and made supper for everyone. He sas horrifically flirty with me at supper and I find him so repulsive. He then went to bed thankfully without saying thank you or cleaning anything up and I managed to have a nice chat with DFSIS. She's so happy to be in Paris and told me she really liked my face cream/Shampoo - and because she's Janes sister I'm happy she's here but He's in my house another 48 hours ... I promised Jane I would keep the peace and I could cope - but I honestly want to murder the fucker in his sleep. And he's not even my BIL, he's a BIL by friendly association.

Any tips ? More of the meditative self calming sort than of the confrontation type. He made a comment on my drinking (I only had one glass of wine in front of him - he went on about nurses having low standards and drinking alone - they don't drink.)

I just need to be able to get through breakfast and supper tomorrow but I honestly don't know how I can keep calm...

And if you got this far reading thank you ... and as a bonus Jane is not a nurse - she's an anesthesiologist- and I'm not a nurse either - we are both women who work in hospitals though...

I'm just back home. It's clean but I feel a bit sick to be honest that this horrible man was in my home and the chaos and I still have to go and apologize to the neighbors for the shouting ....pfff - ras le cul comme on dit. Also was sort of hoping for more than a very platonic bise as a goodbye from friend - didn't happen ...

I think we are halfway there ....

Well done on keeping your cool through such a tricky time. You are a fantastic friend and a ‘sister’ to womankind. Thank you.
For what it’s worth your Dr Friend may have held back when he said goodbye because he wants to be sure you’re sure, rather than take advantage of a moment when you’re tired, injured and had a stressful few days. So don’t be discontent about that - he sounds lovely. 🤞do keep us updated!

from his lovely, thoughtful behaviour, I think friend was too gentile to pursue you further while you have a poorly paw… (am now very invested for you deserve great romance)

OP, thank you for this. Like many here, I find this heartwarming. I hope your hand heals fast and your romance blossoms!
Let us all breathe deeply and keep sprinkling the lime. I suspect this thread might end up being a classic.

Your “friend“ Jane

hates this man
warned you that he is a “total star”

has been very worried about her sister for years

and yet….

And no she doesn’t visit Jane … because Jane and John had an argument with the arsehole husband a few years ago …

and presumably Jane never stays with them.

So presumably she never sees the sister she is so worried about

and even though she won’t have the man in her house, she accepts your offer to have him over. You, a single woman in a compact flat.

jane does not exactly emerge from this thread in a particularly positive light!!

Warned he was a total arse

definitely not star!!

@Cleoforever

I think life is more than black and white, Jane wants do see her sister, its the ABIL who is the issue. We though this stay high serve as bridge building.

Jane and her husband, in the past done a lot for me, I have done a lot for them - this is the strength of our friendship, we're all foreigners living as expats with family far and few between and I hope our mutual solidarity will long continue.

As I wrote, I offered on a whim to put Janes sister up for the weekend, Jane and husband said it was a bad idea, I promised I could cope and had already offered, I wasn't going to rescind the invitation and didn't know before they arrived how bad it would be. Jane and John prepped everything they could for the visit before they left.

And yes, it was not a great weekend, and yes my hand is still burnt and now also very ugly, but I think that it's okay to do things for your friends, even if they are not great moments to live through.

And yes, my apartment isn't massive, it's a three bed in a city - but the reason I have three beds (one I use as an office ) and not smaller is precisely so I can put people up and in return I also get to stay with a lot of people. My cousins best friend has stayed with Jane, my godsons parents friends have stayed with Jane - I don't particularly know either of them and neither did Jane, but sometimes you just have to trust that the world is full of a lot more good people than bad.

OP, with every post you seem even lovelier.

@Lndnmummy thank you but not particularly I don't think and deffo not all the time ... but my friends are my family, my chosen family ...