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I need strength to keep my calm !

110 replies

burgledinParis · 08/04/2023 23:36

For a long and complicated reason I currently have a very good friends sister, her 10 year old son and absolute arsehole of a husband staying with me until Monday afternoon.

Sorry this is still going to be long ...

I promised my friend and her husband (lets call them Jane and John) I could cope, but it's been just over 24 hours and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

They arrived last night after a very long drive, the husband started by complaining how complicated it was to park, I'd warned them before they arrived and its easter weekend in Paris - its hard to park - I ended up basically jogging through the neighborhood and managed to find a space and then paid for the parking because he said his card wasn't working ( Jane and John had foreseen this and left me cash but her FDSis and Arsehole BIL don't know this).

Once they're parked they come up to the apartment ABIL complaining about the fact it's 2nd floor no lift. FDSis is obviously embarrassed, so I try and make a joke about it.

The parents are in my spare bedroom and I'd set up a single bed in my office for the child with nice sheets - set up a Lightbox sign with "welcome child" and an easter egg ( provided again by Jane and John).

ABIL then starts saying he's hungry and FDSis asks if she can cook and unpacks value pasta and a tin of tuna from her bag to make supper. I say, I'm making a tomato and feta tart we can share both. We cook together while ABIL goes through my things without asking - taking things off my shelves, un connecting my phone from my speakers too connect his etc.

We then have supper together and ABIL goes on about how my cooking is better than his wives and it's a surprise I don't have a husband as I can cook but because I'm a nurse like Jane it's understandable because no proper man wants to marry a nurse, and proper mens wives don't work.

He then decides at 10 pm that they're going to go and see the Eiffel Tower - I magically find 3 spare transport cards ( that Jane provided and paid for ) and walk them to the metro. DFSis asks me to come with them - I decline and stop at the first bar on my route back to the appartment to down a strong drink.

They get back - I'm in bed but can hear ABIL complaining about how many people there were at the Eiffel Tower (No shit Sherlock!).

They go to bed. In the morning I realize that ABIL has slept alone in the double room in the double bed leaving the single in the office for his wife and son to share.

Breakfast is more of his shit comments and him being a cunt to his wife - I magically find spare tickets to the Louvre hanging around ( again - left by Jane and John) and send them off with a picnic- as they leave I see that he's locking the door to the bedroom, (there are keys but I've never used them) but even if I find this strange I'm at the point of no fucks given, I don't say anything... They leave. I go off to the market, have lunch with friends, get home and realize that MY OFFICE in my house, is also locked and I can't get in to get my chargers and work stuff. My office that is very obviously an office that I'd put a spare bed in for his kid - is locked. what the actual fuck?

Anyway, they got back half way through me writing this - I chose the route of no conflict and made supper for everyone. He sas horrifically flirty with me at supper and I find him so repulsive. He then went to bed thankfully without saying thank you or cleaning anything up and I managed to have a nice chat with DFSIS. She's so happy to be in Paris and told me she really liked my face cream/Shampoo - and because she's Janes sister I'm happy she's here but He's in my house another 48 hours ... I promised Jane I would keep the peace and I could cope - but I honestly want to murder the fucker in his sleep. And he's not even my BIL, he's a BIL by friendly association.

Any tips ? More of the meditative self calming sort than of the confrontation type. He made a comment on my drinking (I only had one glass of wine in front of him - he went on about nurses having low standards and drinking alone - they don't drink.)

I just need to be able to get through breakfast and supper tomorrow but I honestly don't know how I can keep calm...

And if you got this far reading thank you ... and as a bonus Jane is not a nurse - she's an anesthesiologist- and I'm not a nurse either - we are both women who work in hospitals though...

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 09/04/2023 23:31

Oh bloody hell, that's not a good update!
So sorry about your hand. You're a very lovely friend.

stayathomegardener · 10/04/2023 01:51

😳

Newestname002 · 10/04/2023 02:43

OMG @burgledinParis!!! 🌹

AliceOlive · 10/04/2023 03:21

How shocking and terrible! You really are a lovely person.

lljkk · 10/04/2023 05:27

er, how old is the boy?

Fuctifin0 · 10/04/2023 06:17

lljkk · 10/04/2023 05:27

er, how old is the boy?

10

burgledinParis · 10/04/2023 06:42

My lovely armchair back …

I need strength to keep my calm !
OP posts:
burgledinParis · 10/04/2023 06:54

My no longer so lovely hand !

I need strength to keep my calm !
OP posts:
Knockmealdowns · 10/04/2023 08:16

Ouch… aloe Vera gel from the fridge?

burgledinParis · 10/04/2023 08:26

@Knockmealdowns switched out frozen peas and frozen green beans in a tea towel and plastic bag over night …..

OP posts:
Facem81 · 10/04/2023 08:47

If my 10 year old son had found matches and lit a candle and caused my host those burns and ruined the chair… I have to say that firstly I too would be very upset with him

Facem81 · 10/04/2023 08:50

Maybe time to give Jane a buzz? Where does she live?

Lndnmummy · 10/04/2023 08:58

OP I am so so sorry. I think they need to leave now. This is awful. You have been a saint but enough now.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 10/04/2023 09:00

Wow. I used to be married to an arsehole, but he wasn’t as bad as this.

This thread has been so enriching. I always struggled with meditation, but “just sprinkling the lime” will definitely bring peace in future times of stress.

BettyCake · 10/04/2023 09:01

You are a wonderful person and you are coping so well with such a stressful situation. Thank goodness your friend was there. Maybe the sister will start to realise that the shouting is not normal.

Keep updating us 🍷

gallina · 10/04/2023 09:03

I think Jane needs to see those photos.

You sound like a truly amazing friend, but enough is enough

Crunchymum · 10/04/2023 09:05

When are they due to leave?

SeaDee · 10/04/2023 09:06

gallina · 10/04/2023 09:03

I think Jane needs to see those photos.

You sound like a truly amazing friend, but enough is enough

I agree

Enough is enough

And completely off point - I'm concerned your smoke alarm didn't go off. If you hadn't seen the flames this could have been so much worse

Effingmagicfairy · 10/04/2023 09:10

Oh my gosh, your poor hand, ouch I bet that hurts, I know your friend has checked it over but can you not say it needs further checking at A&e, you don’t know how long it will be, so best they leave. They should feel so embarrassed and want leave anyway.

anythinginapinch · 10/04/2023 09:17

You've made my day OP, that there are still good, loving, people willing to endure shit for those they love ie Jane and John and the DSis of Jane.

Keep going. One day you can write a film script or a play about it, you wrote so well.

Good luck with the hand

burgledinParis · 10/04/2023 09:19

Thank god friend was there, he’s a force of calm and tranquil strength… he stayed over and woke me up in the night to swap out the frozen peas for frozen beans and bought me another painkiller. We left this morning at 7 am to go get coffee and go for a walk, they were still asleep … left a note to say leave keys on the table … they’ve just texted to say they forgot a wallet inside FFS… so we’re heading back.

I dont know why my smoke alarm didn’t go off - but there wasn’t any smoke - just flames …. but last night I still Amazon primed new hardwired ones for every room and have the electrician coming round tomorrow to wire them in and set them up.

OP posts:
burgledinParis · 10/04/2023 09:36

I’ll of course let Jane know but only when they’ve gone … She lives in Berlin so can’t do much from afar … I’m just so shocked by the absolute chaos of her sisters life. It must be very hard on her. Jane and John are so calm, so equal tempered, such easy guests… and her children are certainly cheeky but so well behaved and fun to have around … they’re the sort of children who you can take to a restaurant and sit them at another table and give them a budget to order their own food and leave them to it … I’ve never heard her or her husband raise a voice … Her and her sister are just night and day

OP posts:
EthicalNonMahogany · 10/04/2023 09:40

I would be wondering if the poor little boy is acting out...seems odd for that to be an accident and he has a horrible abusive dad.

Facem81 · 10/04/2023 09:41

Does she visit Jane in Berlin?

thespottedunicorn · 10/04/2023 09:52

@burgledinParis You are a wonderful friend and a wonderful person. I am sure you have a long waiting list but I would love you to be my friend!
I so hope your friend's sister has the courage to leave and to take her son with her.

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