I need strength to keep my calm !

[burgledinParis]

For a long and complicated reason I currently have a very good friends sister, her 10 year old son and absolute arsehole of a husband staying with me until Monday afternoon.

Sorry this is still going to be long ...

I promised my friend and her husband (lets call them Jane and John) I could cope, but it's been just over 24 hours and I'm one stealth bottle of wine down and past my tether ...

They arrived last night after a very long drive, the husband started by complaining how complicated it was to park, I'd warned them before they arrived and its easter weekend in Paris - its hard to park - I ended up basically jogging through the neighborhood and managed to find a space and then paid for the parking because he said his card wasn't working ( Jane and John had foreseen this and left me cash but her FDSis and Arsehole BIL don't know this).

Once they're parked they come up to the apartment ABIL complaining about the fact it's 2nd floor no lift. FDSis is obviously embarrassed, so I try and make a joke about it.

The parents are in my spare bedroom and I'd set up a single bed in my office for the child with nice sheets - set up a Lightbox sign with "welcome child" and an easter egg ( provided again by Jane and John).

ABIL then starts saying he's hungry and FDSis asks if she can cook and unpacks value pasta and a tin of tuna from her bag to make supper. I say, I'm making a tomato and feta tart we can share both. We cook together while ABIL goes through my things without asking - taking things off my shelves, un connecting my phone from my speakers too connect his etc.

We then have supper together and ABIL goes on about how my cooking is better than his wives and it's a surprise I don't have a husband as I can cook but because I'm a nurse like Jane it's understandable because no proper man wants to marry a nurse, and proper mens wives don't work.

He then decides at 10 pm that they're going to go and see the Eiffel Tower - I magically find 3 spare transport cards ( that Jane provided and paid for ) and walk them to the metro. DFSis asks me to come with them - I decline and stop at the first bar on my route back to the appartment to down a strong drink.

They get back - I'm in bed but can hear ABIL complaining about how many people there were at the Eiffel Tower (No shit Sherlock!).

They go to bed. In the morning I realize that ABIL has slept alone in the double room in the double bed leaving the single in the office for his wife and son to share.

Breakfast is more of his shit comments and him being a cunt to his wife - I magically find spare tickets to the Louvre hanging around ( again - left by Jane and John) and send them off with a picnic- as they leave I see that he's locking the door to the bedroom, (there are keys but I've never used them) but even if I find this strange I'm at the point of no fucks given, I don't say anything... They leave. I go off to the market, have lunch with friends, get home and realize that MY OFFICE in my house, is also locked and I can't get in to get my chargers and work stuff. My office that is very obviously an office that I'd put a spare bed in for his kid - is locked. what the actual fuck?

Anyway, they got back half way through me writing this - I chose the route of no conflict and made supper for everyone. He sas horrifically flirty with me at supper and I find him so repulsive. He then went to bed thankfully without saying thank you or cleaning anything up and I managed to have a nice chat with DFSIS. She's so happy to be in Paris and told me she really liked my face cream/Shampoo - and because she's Janes sister I'm happy she's here but He's in my house another 48 hours ... I promised Jane I would keep the peace and I could cope - but I honestly want to murder the fucker in his sleep. And he's not even my BIL, he's a BIL by friendly association.

Any tips ? More of the meditative self calming sort than of the confrontation type. He made a comment on my drinking (I only had one glass of wine in front of him - he went on about nurses having low standards and drinking alone - they don't drink.)

I just need to be able to get through breakfast and supper tomorrow but I honestly don't know how I can keep calm...

And if you got this far reading thank you ... and as a bonus Jane is not a nurse - she's an anesthesiologist- and I'm not a nurse either - we are both women who work in hospitals though...

Your hand looks so painful. I hope you tell Jane and John everything and send them a photo of your hand! Hope the pain improves soon

Make it back to open up so they could collect wallet - only she got out of the car looking sheepish … And they’re gone ! Didnt Offer to replace arm chair, Didn’t strip the beds, left all their breakfast washing up out on the table and an unflushed loo 🤮.

I flushed the loo but my lovely cleaning lady is going to come and do what she’s calls “ une tornade blanche” ( a white tornado - an expression she used when I was younger and had had a house party …) while I go out for lunch with friend …. She was also John and Jane’s cleaning lady years ago and they called her … said it was the least they could do …

And I’m sprinkling the lime.

And no she doesn’t visit Jane … because Jane and John had an argument with the arsehole husband a few years ago …

And no she doesn’t visit Jane … because Jane and John had an argument with the arsehole husband a few years ago …

😯

Your hand looks like a painful reminder of this whole weekend. You are a good friend and Jane is a loving sister. I hope DFSis sees the light soon.

You did so well, he sounds awful!

Bloody hell OP, I know you hosted these people for your friend but wow, you have buckets more patience than me!!!

When he said, 'Proper men's wives don't work', how did you not snap back 'Well you're clearly not a proper man then!'

And to take the double bed in your spare room and let his wife and 10yr old son squeeze into a single sofa bed???

He sounds like a vile, abusive, controlling bully. Your poor friend's sister and her son 😕

@burgledinParis

Dear OP, yes you sound like an amazing friend. However, these are people who I would definitely not have in your home again, even to help your friend's sister. I hope Jane and John replace your armchair- they sound like thoughtful, kind people so hopefully that's in the works.

Take care of your hand and once your apartment has been tornado'd you have a calm day. 🌹

@rainbowstardrops I particularly enjoyed his repeated comments about nurses and our low moral standards as did my friend who was round last week. Thinly veiled insinuations that all nurses are sluts including his sister in law ...

Thing is he didn't tell my male friend he was a nurse because he works in a hospital .... He accepted he was a doctor .... And we just let him keep going on about nurses while we smiled - he must know his SIL is a doctor not a nurse and I didn't say anything about myself ( I'm not medical, I'm legal/financial but for healthcare.... ) and the more we let him go on about nurses without saying anything the more frustrated he seemed to become. I think he was trying to get a reaction and then probably react on the fact we were snobby about nurses ( and nothing could be further from the truth - I positively venerate the nurses I interact with - and as well as "sprinkling the lime" I was trying the channel the inner calm of some of them the whole time.).

Anyway, I quite fancy friend who was round, and I think (hope) he quite fancies me ... and now thanks to arsehole BIL, we are spending Easter Monday together... And although he was bringing frozen vegetables and ibuprofen in the middle of the night, I found friends bedside manner adorable. I was also very impressed with the way as soon as ABIL started shouting at the son he managed to calm him down, check I was alright and take ABIL out for a walk.

Wow! This whole thread...you are so fabulous @burgledinParis. Your kindness and patience is just lovely.

Your poor chair, your poor friends sister... and what a cock of a man.

And to end the thread...the hope of a romance blossoming! I wish you all the luck in the world!

Please keep us updated.

@Newestname002 Yeah, they won't be coming back .... The not done washing up and the unflushed loo were the coup de grace!

Jane has offered to come back for a weekend and take me chair shopping and bar hopping like the immoral nurses we are ;-) - I think she's also now ready to have a real convo about how bad things are with sister and probably a good cry.

I really feel like afternoon drinking to be honest ( and I'm not a usual drinker) but both me and friend are working tomorrow and although I'm a desk worker he has an at least 24 hours alcohol free before a shift rule ... but we can drink tea and bitch.

Friend make a very astute comment about how their voyage was as far from invitation au voyage ... as one could get - made me laugh !

My child and sister,
Think of the pleasure
Of living together.
To love at leisure
To love and to die
In the land that your like can measure.
The hazy suns
In misty skies
Bring charms to my mind
As mysterious
As your beguiling eyes
That shine through the tears I find.

There, all is peace and beauty,
Luxury and sensuality.

Furniture glistening,
Polished by years,
Would fill our chamber;
The rarest flowers
Releasing perfume
On waves of scented amber,
Ceilings rich
And mirrors steeped
In oriental splendour,
All would whisper
To your soul in secret
In their speech of native languor.

There, all is peace and beauty,
Luxury and sensuality.

Look at those canals
Where sleeping vessels
In their wandering life
From the ends of the world have come
To satisfy
Your least desire.
The setting suns
Clothe the fields,
Canals, the whole town,
With hyacinth and gold;
In that warm light, the world
Falls asleep at sundown.

There, all is peace and beauty,
Luxury and sensuality.

Wow OP, what a lovely person you are. I sincerely hope that one day you, Jane and her sister will be sitting on your lovely Paris balcony, drinking wine and laughing about what an arsehole her ex was, and how lucky she was to escape him with the help of you and her sister.

Does the lad have issues with self-control, did he see you light candle & was desperate to do that himself, having seen this novelty? I'm trying to understand what in world possessed him.

I'm daft & my kids are daft. My nephew once burned a garage down (he was 8, he had a very shakey upbringing and he didn't mean to either). Nephew turned into a harmless adult. But this is your home at risk, in meantime.

Also, leaving the washing up and not flushing the loo!!! Do people like this really walk amongst us?! Well, clearly they do!
Could you imagine being that awful, ignorant and disrespecting? Stupid 'man'.

@lljkk I don't know. I'd lit candles on the supper table the evening before. I have candles and matches in the office but never light them - I didn't see he'd lit the candle when I went to fetch him to make crepes but I just popped my head in, he was sitting drawing at the desk. I really think it was an honest mistake on his part, he at least apologized profusely and was more apologetic as a ten year old than his parents as adults. His mum just tried to clean and his dad screamed at him and then had a go at me for swatting it out and burning myself instead of using water - I'd of had to leave the room to get water - pretty sure that in that small amount of time the curtains would have gone up in flames as armchair was in front of window.

I'm going to log of and order lunch.

Thank you mums netters for your support and company form afar during this trying weekend!

( I actually have a lot of candles - at one point the French government was planning rolling power cuts this winter in case russia/ukraine caused issues and the grid was overloaded - never happened but I stocked up .... https://www.lemonde.fr/en/politics/article/2022/11/19/french-government-braces-for-threat-of-winter-power-cuts_6004885_5.html)

I read the mention of value pasta etc as a possible hint of financial control on part of areshole husband.

When was the last time Jane saw her sister? Given no visits at Jane’s for a few years

Keep space (mental and physical) so you don't get involved in the abusive dynamic. Grey rock him (as you are doing). This means being a little boring.

What a wild few days you’ve had. and now a possible burgeoning relationship!

You have restored my faith in humanity with your kindness.

Your poor hand!!

I am still struck by the wonderful friendships you have - with Jane and with Friend Who You Fancy, I wish there were more people like you all in the world.

I also really hope you and Friend Who You Fancy end up together!

Take it easy, op, and look after yourself.

One more perspective is perhaps not to enable him too much. If she sees others find him objectionable, perhaps she will too.

What a rollicking ride!

The poem/song was what jumped the shark for me, sorry.

I was looking forward to reading about the incipient relationship with the Dr and bateaux mouches and hot chocolate in the Bois de Boulogne 😞

And me

I was looking forward to a declaration of love at the Eiffel Tower

I think this could be worked into a terrific screenplay.

Well after all your patience (and burnt hand) you deserve some amour with your friend!

Let us know how it goes. We are very nosey on MN you know! More than a few of us want your cleaning lady too!!

BLIMEY (see what I did there?) OP!!!

Your life has become a Seinfeld episode without the slap bass and canned laughter. 😳
You couldn’t make it up! Every mantra, enormous accolades, several purple hearts for your war wounds, and hugs galore coming your way! 💐
The only way is up!
Your hand. 😫 God I’d give you a hero’s welcome every time I’d see you if I lived on your road!
Speaking of Seinfeld: If you have Netflix and if it’s on your Netflix, I prescribe you Season 9 episode 3 ‘The Serenity Now’ about a mantra they adopt. It’s the story of your life; your weekend’s autobiography told from a 90s New York perspective … with a slap bass and canned laughter. Your weekend has definitely turned into Kramer’s hoochie mama scene.
Serenity now, OP.
And keep sprinkling the lime! ☸️🪷🧘🏻