DS only wants 200 pound trainers

[Theblackdogagain]

I'm at an impasse with my son. He's 13. I've never been into label's, stupid priced clothes or sports. My son has always cared about what he wore but recently he's in a group of friends that needs Nike trainers. His last pair were fila but now apparently that's not good enough. He's had his hair cut into a trendy cut at his insistence and I'm not against him finding his style but 200 is too much for trainers when his feet are still growing, he'll play football in them and wreck them and it's more than we spend on food in 2 weeks.
I've tried showing him shoes in the sale, looking at other makes and saying he needs to use some of his Christmas money to a maximum of 100 pounds. I'm really unreasonable.
Any ideas? Any websites I can use? I did get a puma tracksuit bottom and a Nike t shirt from costco do at least he has clothes on!
I'm not giving in on over 100 for trainers, the most expensive shows I've ever had were 40 and they were biker boots that still fit me :-)

I have this issue.

I didn't even own a pair of trainers until I was about 15 and have never been that aware of the 'trainer scene'.

Here has been my approach

1. His feet are still growing so it makes sense not to go for super expensive shoes until he is convinced they have stopped.

1. Vinted is your friend, get him an account. DS spent £150 of his Christmas money on a pair for Jordan's which he reliably informs me should have been much much more.

1. DS now sells his own clothes he has grown out of, and keeps the balance in Vinted to spend on his own clothes. He's just bought himself a Nike top and shorts.

I bought him a North Face coat for £80 before Christmas.

1. There are a lot of scam sites about selling fake trainers or reselling them from the same factory etc. it's good for him to get aware of these.

DS now has a job to fund his clothing habit. I largely let him make his own decisions.

I've a lad into his sports fashion brands and it's absolutely insane money.
However, he'd rather his clothes than technology etc so he chooses them for birthday/Christmas gifts but I feel your pain, sometimes it's like £60 for a t-shirt, but it's his money to spend on what he chooses.
I've made it clear though, without a brilliant Job in the future, he won't be having funds these brands.

My daughter went through a phase of wanting really expensive jeans. Kept saying she could have three pairs for the price of one branded pair. She didn't listen, got annoyed I wouldn't pay for them. Then she got a job and realised how long it takes to work for the cost of that one pair.
A few months later she went to primark and was excitedly telling how many things she'd managed to buy for that amount.

Yep, been telling you that for months 🙄.

Exactly this!

If he's still insistent then he can save up for them and it will take him a while! Maybe then he will realise that it's ridiculous but also a valuable lesson in if you want stuff you save up for it rather then instant gratification.

My parents taught me this and it's something I have brought into adulthood and it's done me in good stead with my finances! We had free secondhand furniture in our house for 4 years until we had saved up enough to replace it!

Think if you don’t say no and stick to your guns it’s only going to get worse as he gets older.
You should have a chat with him about finances, e.g for that same 200 we can buy ….. or I have to work x hours to get to that 200. It’s a difficult position to be in and no one wants to make their child upset and give them the best but really you are saving him from himself and issues down the line. Good luck.

@Theblackdogagain get reps. The other issue with expensive trainers on a 13 year old is there’s a good chance someone will nick them.

If he uses his own money towards them too it may also make him realise that looking after your things is important

M&M Direct also do trainers at reduced prices.
I think the wide feet thing is probably a red herring, my sons also have wide feet and there are plenty of brands that are wide enough. It's not like hard leather shoes with no give. Nike and New Balance are both good on width, for example.
Why are you thinking of limiting his own contribution to £100? If it's his own money, then I'd think that he can spend it as he chooses, that's the point of it being his. If it ends up being a waste, then that's a lesson learned.

Crazy isn't it. Vinted is great. It's the only place I buy from, for myself, now. So do try there.
My son wears Prada shoes to school which cost over £600 and has several pairs of trainers. both he and my daughter have coats that cost as much as I spent on my first car ( Canada goose £1100) I wouldn't buy them and can't afford them but my exH can and does.

If he's 13 he'll probably grow 3 shoe sizes in a year.
I always said no and bought generic stuff.
I don't think finding a way to get Nike trainers cheaper will solve the problem because you will still have given in to the fantasy that expensive brands are somehow better.
Mine are adults now on good salaries and have still never thrown money at brand labels.

Vinted?

Does he have that much money in savings? If so I'd contribute what you would normally spend then let him add the rest.

Just say no. It is way too much money. You need to inject some sanity here.

Do you know that? There are lots of things people think are too much money.

It's entirely subjective.

He’s old enough to understand the word “no”. The fact that he really wants them doesn’t negate the fact that they’re outside of your price range. I think you ought to use it as a teachable moment that sometimes in life you have to adjust your expectations to match your circumstances. No way would I consider £200 … or even £100 trainers for growing teenage feet.

Could you buy him basic ones for junking around?

He can get a paper round to save up for the nice ones when he outgrows the basic ones; you'll contribute the amount you usually would then, or increase that amount to reach birthday or Christmas present budget if near those events.

Me too. I set an amount I was willing to spend. DC’s then had the freedom to add to it from allowance or earned money.

It's amazing how unimportant this becomes when it is their money!

It is a really good lesson in life.

On the other hand I was generous with an allowance and with what I was prepared to put towards the trainers. I was the kid who's parents didn't recognise any brands or the importance of them ( to me). I never had the ‘right stuff’. Just once or twice would have been nice.

I'd tell him your maximum budget and leave him to it. Perhaps tap up a friend for a blue light/student code etc. I share my work discounts app with people all the time to help them out.

Ultimately, you can afford what you can afford so one way or another he's going to learn that he can't have 200 trainers and the worse he lets his old ones get, the tighter he's going be in a corner to choose what's available to him in his appropriate price range because he'll end up just having to have what's available at the time.

You can buy fashionable Nikes brand new with your budget.
I bought ds some AirForce earlier this year and it was something like £105. (Men's size 9) You can get Pandas for your budget too.

MN is weird. There is another post where people are saying it is perfectly reasonable for a 12year old to spend £100 on soft toys despite having a room full of them.

All Nikes are not equal, steak is a good example, all dead cow, all steak but there is a wide range of difference between a rump steak and Chateaubriand.

just because it isn't of value to adults doesn't mean it isn't to a teenager. Set your budget and then he pays the difference

Tell him your max and then he finds the rest himself - he can use pocket money ,birthday money or like my son did wash cars for neighbours:babysit to earn the extra -£110 for air force is my limit

It won't stop there!! I have bought expensive things like this only for birthdays and Christmas. Other times I give an amount and they can top it up. Tell him to get a part time job? He will soon learn the value of money! Wait till he starts on the expensive coats. My kids think I'm minted but they just don't have the experience or inside knowledge of what budgeting and financial responsibility is about. Set your stall out now before it starts a pattern.

Nike outlets really are the way to go here, he will be able to get some there for a good price.

To be honest I would try to help him get some- this age is so tough and good trainers are one of the few things teenage boys can ask for - if he was a girl then you could be getting asked for hair straighteners, makeup etc so could end up just as expensive.

There are other 'in' trainers that arent £200 - Air force 1s are probably a good compromise as they do last ages and are around £100, or get him to look at Adidas Superstars or something similar.

You're not being a bad mum. By all means replace his trainers and have a hunt for ones he likes within your budget but saying no is fine in this instance.

I think 200 quid is a lot of money to spend on shoes, and I'm an adult who can buy shoes knowing they'll still fit in 5 years.

I remember being that age and the desperate need to fit in but the truth is, it'll be something else in 6 months. the trainers won't be cool any more and he'll get bored of them after a week or two. You'll be 200 quid out while he badgers you for something else.

He might strop about it for a while but he'll survive.

I'm not going to say 'get a paper round' because I think at 13 he should be focussing on school at his age. I can remember boys I knew at school falling asleep in class because they were knackered from getting up really early.

I would never buy sports wear labels for my kids. It's ridiculous and I don't like kids wearing tracksuits outside of PE