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Original poster

Do you wish you had stuck with one child?

123 replies

toastandtea42 · 07/04/2023 19:18

Just that really.

Always wanted two and still do but as the time draws closer to TTC all I can think about are the negatives. My toddler is hard work, I love my job but have had to scale back, there are moments of utter joy with him but a lot of is just sheer flipping hard work.

Two would mean more of an impact on work, more of an impact on resources and relationship. So I want to know, all things considered, do you wish you'd stuck with one instead of having two?

Would really appreciate some honest responses, there's so much that's covered up about motherhood and I don't want to walk into another child totally blind.

For the record, I adore my son who is almost 2 and being a mum. I'm so glad I did it. But it's not without significant downsides.

OP posts:
LolaBlue36 · 07/04/2023 19:27

Following with interest to see replies. I could have written your post myself!

neverendinglauaundry · 07/04/2023 19:28

If you'd asked this in the first year after having my second I'd have said yes, I do regret it. Now they're 12&15 and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Eggseggseverywhere · 07/04/2023 19:29

Every
Bloody
Day.

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Families
ivfbabymomma1 · 07/04/2023 19:29

Following with interest as currently unsure about baby no2

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 07/04/2023 19:31

Not in the slightest. Yes it is hard at times. And noisy (and expensive). But the joy and the love makes it all worthwhile

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 07/04/2023 19:31

(I have 3)

EezyOozy · 07/04/2023 19:31

I’ve a 4 and 5 year old and it has been hard, very hard at times… but much easier now than a couple of years ago and I have hand on heart never regretted it. They love each other and play together loads , they’d be lost without each other.

Writeandroll · 07/04/2023 19:33

Never. The love they have for each other is the most lovely thing to witness.
Theyre 1 and 3 so hard bloody work but they’re both such a joy.

I find it harder (or impossible) to ask/trust others to babysit though!

lucylantern · 07/04/2023 19:33

I found the first 3-6 months very hard but honestly I’ve never regretted it. Maybe have a think about ways you can make it easier though (childcare support, cleaner, frozen meals etc - you’ve been through it once before so you know the drill!)

devildeepbluesea · 07/04/2023 19:33

DD is 10 and an only. I absolutely love it, we can do stuff together we simply couldn’t afford if I had more kids. Planning a holiday to Guadeloupe next year - would be out of the question with more kids.

I will qualify this by saying she had a much older half-brother who is great with her (he’s nearly 30) and a cousin who is also an only and they are more like brother and sister. So I didn’t have the concerns that she would be alone in the world after I’m gone.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this one. You love the kids you have, whether that’s 1 or 11. I chose to have 1 because if truth be told, I’m not that maternal but sort of felt the need to have a child.

Monkeybutt1 · 07/04/2023 19:34

I have just the one, through choice, you'd be amazed how much judgement you get. We definitely seem to be more of a team than my friends with multiple kids. We do have to make a lot of effort to have friends round, or really embrace stuff he enjoys and get involved as he has no one to play with.
On the plus side we have more money so he has a lot more experiences than his peers and we can tailor our holidays around him more. He plays footy and we can both go and watch.
I'm 100% happy that we decided to just have the one and don't regret it one bit.

callmesophia · 07/04/2023 19:35

No not at all, currently pregnant with number 4. I found one child more difficult than two, if you can comprehend that mad statement 😆. In my experience the more you have the more you sink into motherhood and enjoy it... that is of course, just me. My eldest is 12, then the others 10 and 6. I love starting again and appreciating the simple things in life; to me, family and relationships are everything.

QueenLagertha · 07/04/2023 19:35

I have a 5 year old and 1 year old. So glad I had the second. Love seeing their relationship develop. I won't deny it's hard but anything worth having is never easy 🥰

ZebraKid71 · 07/04/2023 19:35

I have three and there is no doubt that life would be easier in lots of ways if we only had one. But on that argument life would be easier if we had none, it just isn't a huge consideration for us. I definitely don't regret it, it's been a hard few years starting with 3 under 4 but now our youngest is 2 life is getting much easier and seeing them together is one of my favourite things (plus it's actually easier in a sense as they occupy each other so I actually get chance to breathe and keep up with life.

ThisOneNow · 07/04/2023 19:35

Mine are 3 and 5 and beginning to play together well due good lengths of time. I love seeing their friendship develop and love seeing them building imaginary worlds together. But I find it so stressful trying to balance their wants and needs. I love it when I can spend time with just one of them so I don't have constant anticipation and stress of a conflict blowing up (every 3 minutes). I'm still glad I had two, but having two has made me think the pros and cons list is very close!

Ragwort · 07/04/2023 19:37

Not sure I can add my opinion but I have an only DC and have never regretted it for a second. Our life was/is calm and we were able to give our DS lots of opportunities that having more than one would not have been possible .. not necessarily material possessions but just time and energy to do things with him. He is 22 now and able to articulate how he feels about being an only DC and he has said how happy he is and how noisy and boisterous he finds other families are! We always made sure he had lots of play dates, time at kids clubs etc and I was more than happy to offer informal childcare care/sleepovers for friends who struggled with more than one child to just give them a break.

Psmith83 · 07/04/2023 19:37

Hey @totoastandtea42 I felt how you describe feeling when my son was a toddler and I could not bring myself to TTC another. We decided to stick with one which was great- and then six years later we decided we were ready for number 2.

The gap (7 years) is unusual but I have loved it and both kids adore each other and contrary to what everyone says enjoy playing together in their own way.

So nice to do it all again much later when the exhaustion has worn off from the last kid and I can appreciate it without being too frazzled as I would if I'd had a toddler and a newborn to look after. I have a very low threshold for chaos and mess!!

If you have bio clock time, I would totally wait until you feel ready to do it all again.

ZebraKid71 · 07/04/2023 19:37

To add when we only had one we tried to fit him into our adult life and that was hard in itself, now we have three we have fully embraced the world of small humans and its great!

EasterBunnyy · 07/04/2023 19:38

No, I actually find it easier to have more than one.

Mendholeai · 07/04/2023 19:40

Love my huge family! I do understand what works for me might not work for others though.

There is no shame in wanting one and prioritising financial security over having a bigger family. Your child will get to go on holiday, do lots of extracurriculars/playdates and will benefit from having less stressed, more relaxed parents. Be totally honest with yourself- what do you actually want to do?

Easterfunbun · 07/04/2023 19:40

I have 3 and I’m glad I had them all. Yes there’s upsides and downsides. Thing is all kids are different, some are really laid back. Having another child is always a gamble. It’s just whether or not you’re prepared to take it.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 07/04/2023 19:41

No regrets at all, we went on to have a third and no regrets there either. The first year was hard but the first two were only 20 months apart so you’ll have it easier there. They get easier with every year so I’m glad I didn’t base any decisions on the baby or toddler stage. I love the chaos and the energy and the love in our home. My kids are a lovely little gang.

Wallingtonhall · 07/04/2023 19:41

No.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 07/04/2023 19:43

We have three - all adults now. There were the usual squabbles etc when they were younger but we regularly do things together as a family and it's lovely to see how close the DGC are as cousins. Never regretted it.

frazzled101 · 07/04/2023 19:44

No I had secondary infertility and it broke my heart. We got extremely lucky and I got pregnant on my first IVF attempt.

They adore each other. If my older son has been away he comes running back into the house and say hello my wee darling to his sister. I get ignored!

He is 4 and she is 17mths.

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