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Original poster

Do you wish you had stuck with one child?

123 replies

toastandtea42 · 07/04/2023 19:18

Just that really.

Always wanted two and still do but as the time draws closer to TTC all I can think about are the negatives. My toddler is hard work, I love my job but have had to scale back, there are moments of utter joy with him but a lot of is just sheer flipping hard work.

Two would mean more of an impact on work, more of an impact on resources and relationship. So I want to know, all things considered, do you wish you'd stuck with one instead of having two?

Would really appreciate some honest responses, there's so much that's covered up about motherhood and I don't want to walk into another child totally blind.

For the record, I adore my son who is almost 2 and being a mum. I'm so glad I did it. But it's not without significant downsides.

OP posts:

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2023 19:45

I have 3, I should have stuck with 2 but if I went back and had my time again I wouldn't have any children and I love all of mine so fiercely it scares me.

It's not about not loving them, it's the stress and health problems being pregnant and giving birth has caused me.

WunWun · 07/04/2023 19:45

I only have one and am very happy about it. I've never wanted more.

Holidaywwyd · 07/04/2023 19:47

No never regretted having more than 1 - I have 3

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ChiChaNaYubi · 07/04/2023 19:47

I have 2 but with a big gap. Eldest is 8 and youngest is 1. I wouldn’t cope with having them close together. I love having 2 though! My husband wants a 3rd but I’m not so sure.

Simplelobsterhat · 07/04/2023 19:48

No, I've never regretted having a second, but I would say as someone who seriously considered only having one, I have also never regretted having a big age gap (5 1/2 years). I found pregnancy and the newborn phase really hard and I couldn't face doing it again with a toddler to look after. DD was reception by the time ds was born and it made things so much easier. So is there a reason you need to TTC soon? We found waiting a bit the ideal compromise between wanting two and not feeling able to cope with two very young children at once!

PaigeMatthews · 07/04/2023 19:48

For the record, I adore my son who is almost 2 and being a mum. I'm so glad I did it. But it's not without significant downsides

if you feel like this, maybe dont have a second. There is no issue with just having one.

tinselandjoy · 07/04/2023 19:49

I am sticking with one, flip flopped many times and I thought I was pregnant last year and just felt relief when AF came!

Our DD is six now and I love our life, we each have space for our own hobbies but we do loads as a family. I never thought I would only have one but it really is good for our family. I do not regret staying with one.

I think many parents would say they are happy with the number they chose rather than wish they had fewer, but I never felt as though I wanted another very much. No baby needs a mum who is only half sure she wants a baby, imho.

Truestorypeeps · 07/04/2023 19:49

7 and 3 year old, no regrets. Yes the first 2 years were tough but lovely to see the love between them. I knew I always wanted a sibling for DS as I was close to my sister growing up and remember the special relationship and all the fun we shared. Yes I realise getting on with your sibling is not a given.

One other small consideration is after you and your DP are not on this earth anymore, they'll have someone who was always there with them and to share memories, reminiscence and hopefully be involved with each others families if they have had them, basically to enrich each others lives. Again, not a given, but what is?

Sayin that I do miss more one on one time with my DS and we would have had more money, but on balance still happier that we had two. At least with two, one can manage/spend time with one and the other parent can do the same. I'm not up for entertaining more and being outnumbered. Someone with experience will be along shortly to tell me it's not like this? :-)

Schmutter · 07/04/2023 19:50

I’m don’t think anyone that’s had more than one is going to say they regret it.

Anyone I know that’s an only (one colleague, one friend) wishes they’d grown up with a sibling.

drpet49 · 07/04/2023 19:50

Hell no. I would have forever regretted just having 1 child.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/04/2023 19:51

I think as you can see from this thread OP there is no right or wrong. There are. Advantages so singles as well as twos and threes.

But you need to be happy, so maybe give it a year for now?

boymama82 · 07/04/2023 19:51

We have two who were born one year and 3 weeks apart! The second was a big suprise, we didn't find out til I was 20 weeks but I love our life and our boys are best friends 🥰

Soproudoflionesses · 07/04/2023 19:54

devildeepbluesea · 07/04/2023 19:33

DD is 10 and an only. I absolutely love it, we can do stuff together we simply couldn’t afford if I had more kids. Planning a holiday to Guadeloupe next year - would be out of the question with more kids.

I will qualify this by saying she had a much older half-brother who is great with her (he’s nearly 30) and a cousin who is also an only and they are more like brother and sister. So I didn’t have the concerns that she would be alone in the world after I’m gone.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this one. You love the kids you have, whether that’s 1 or 11. I chose to have 1 because if truth be told, I’m not that maternal but sort of felt the need to have a child.

This is me - l did actually want another after she was born but couldn't and now l am so happy to just have one. Not overly maternal either but wanted a child and have just booked a dream trip for us for the summer which again, wouldn't happen if l had more. Dd also has a much older half brother who she adores.

Strictly1 · 07/04/2023 19:56

I wanted two but my husband didn’t. My child is a teenager now and I’m pleased I only have one. I enjoy parenting them and feel I can give them the time and resources and still enjoy my time etc.

indieray · 07/04/2023 19:57

I was only ever wanted one. But I think 8 years down the line I would do anything for another. I was with the wrong man & now met the right one I've bed. TTC for 2 years after 3 miscarriages i just found out I'm pregnant so praying 🙏🏻 this one works.

I do know lots of women who have stuck with one child by choice too and are very happy.

Thisisanewone · 07/04/2023 19:57

It never even crossed to my mind to only have one. I never wanted to have an only child and started trying for another as soon as I felt ready. There's 2 years between my first two children. I didn't find having one hard and don't remember finding 2 that much worse: they were very easy babies and toddlers with very easygoing, placid natures. I've got 3 now, and thats a different story altogether! However I love having them and seeing the relationship between them. It beautiful and I would probably have another one if I was a bit younger.

Newuser82 · 07/04/2023 19:58

I think life would certainly be easier with just one child but I wouldn't ever change it if I could. My second child as well as my first is my absolute pride and joy and my life certainly would be missing something without him in it.

Olaftree · 07/04/2023 19:59

Only child. Always wanted a sister, always lonely.
I have 3 - never regret it. Want 4 🤣
But everyone is different OP. Your DS is a hard age (between 1-2 is a killer for me). It gets much, much easier! Seeing them play together and their bond is everything for me. I hope they are best friends for life.

defi · 07/04/2023 19:59

Congratulations indieray

indieray · 07/04/2023 20:02

Thankyou @defi ❤️

User1234567891011121314 · 07/04/2023 20:04

Hi , haven't rtft but I would totally be ok with one and mine are 8 and 6 now. Honestly one went to a residential the other week and it was bliss just having one kid to get ready one kid to deal with etc I know they grow up but we also would be lot more well off financially with one. But ultimately it's up to you of course !

FourTeaFallOut · 07/04/2023 20:04

No. I have three and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Simplelobsterhat · 07/04/2023 20:05

tinselandjoy · 07/04/2023 19:49

I am sticking with one, flip flopped many times and I thought I was pregnant last year and just felt relief when AF came!

Funnily enough part of the reason we did have another after bring unsure was the opposite of that - I thought I might be pregnant and surprised myself with how disappointed I felt when I wasn't! Gut reaction is a powerful thing!

We also talked about it and decided as the only thing putting us both off was the pregnancy and first year, we had to decide if just getting through that would be worth it for the rest of our lives with them, and decided it would.

That said, there are pros and cons to every way of doing it and I know many very happy only children. You have to do what feels right to you.

mumofescapeartist · 07/04/2023 20:09

Honestly, much as I adore DC2, yes sometimes. We only planned one and then changed our minds. Life would be completely different if we hadn't. DC2 has significant additional needs. I don't ever see a time they won't be dependent on us. And that is terrifying as what happens when we are no longer around. I love DC2 and could never change that, but if I had my time again, I can't honestly say I would choose to have a second if I knew what lay ahead. The impact on every aspect of mine DH and DC1's lives is huge.

Lookingfornewdirection · 07/04/2023 20:11

Had similar thoughts before conceiving DC2. Now I have a 2yo and a 4yo. Of course I don’t regret DC2, love her to bits and I found second time around with a baby much easier than the first.
However, it does sometimes cross my mind how life would be easier if we only had DC1. One major thing is that I would feel much more comfortable leaving one child with elderly grandparents whereas I tend to think handling two is too much for them. The same applies for any childcare arrangement. I would happily hire a nanny for a date night for my 4yo, but don’t feel as comfortable doing that for the two. Also would be much easier for myself or DH to take one child out to give each other free time.

On the other hand now they start to have moments of playing nicely together, so soon they might entertain each other, which will make life much easier.

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