Page 36 | Autistic women assemble!

Nepmarthiturn · 2023-04-04T09:36:01+00:00

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆 A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it. Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!! P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 13:38

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 07:38

Background.
I work from home. Son has had second ADHD diagnosis appointment cancelled last minute. It's holidays so everyone is here. I am talked out, touched out, and have to go get my hair coloured today. I just want to hide in my room and not hear anything.

I totally get this. I have been in burnout too recently and just do not know how to fix it. The holidays make it all so much more overwhelming, too. Any chance you can get any time on your own today and shut the world out?

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 13:40

@camelCase so frustrating, to have worked so hard on something but see it go to pieces because people won't listen. I hope that the project you do on your own will be much less stressful (and probably far better executed!!).

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 13:40

CloudyPurpIe · 02/08/2023 11:14

Thanks @Nepmarthiturn I might stick around

Please do! 😁

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 15:22

@CallMeBettyBoop can you ask to be moved to a private room? Do they know that you are autistic? Sometimes it's not possible but sometimes they do have some and while the environment js still hellish, if you have a private room there is much less noise and disturbance and just general anxiety from so many strangers in your space and it might make it more bearable, if they can do it.

It makes me so cross that in most decent countries wards are a thing of the past and all hospital rooms are private. Healthcare in the UK is abysmal.

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QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 16:22

camelCase · 02/08/2023 09:44

@Nepmarthiturn
Sorry to hear you've not been well and things are getting overwhelming for you, hope things start to settle down soon. When I have a lot on I always try to think ahead to when things are calmer, so like this time next week it will all be over and I can relax.

The team thing wasn't a work thing, it's part of a course I'm doing. Long story short my team didn't listen to me and without going into detail the work we did was part of a competition, we did not make the finals (not at all surprised). I have another one coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm going to work alone especially as I'm currently in another team(working on another project) that's a disaster. We were given a choice of topics to work on and based on our selection we were put in teams. I finished my section of the app weeks ago, I've been waiting for the others to finish theirs so I can pull the whole thing together, I don't think we will make the deadline so will just have to offer up what we have.

@TheShellBeach

So sorry to hear about your cat, it's always devastating losing a pet 😔 and well done on the weight loss!

@StopStartStop

Sorry to hear you were so down, I hate parking it gives me so much anxiety, driving doesn't bother me but actually parking sometimes I end up hyperventilating. I try to park completely out of the way so nobody is near me, less anxious then.

@Autumnsoon

Yeah, some of the comments are shocking but we have this little safe space here 😀

@CallMeBettyBoop

I hate hospitals, such a horrible sensory experience! I hope you get all tests done quickly and can go home asap.

@AuDHD4Me
Can you rearrange your appointment? I'm very lucky that my DD is grown up and mostly leaves me alone when I'm busy, I found it so hard when she was younger and wanted constant attention.

I'm not doing much today, had a terrible nights sleep and have a bad headache, probably made worse by having to pick DD up from her boyfriends, walk the dogs and then go shopping all before 7.30 this morning. I wanted to finish off a game I'm making but I know I will end up making lots of mistakes in this state so I'm having a relaxing day, going to finish off the witcher and eat chocolate instead 😆

I made the appointment, hair looks good but I'm tapping out now. I'm currently on the sofa getting annoyed at dog chewing noises 🤦🏻‍♀️ husband home soon, then I will get into my room and chill

TheShellBeach · 02/08/2023 16:22

Virtual hand hold to all of us who are struggling.

DH and I are driving 100 miles tomorrow, to go and test drive our new Motability car. Then we have to drive 100 miles back. This is the disadvantage of living in the middle of nowhere in Scotland.

I am already panicking about how I'll get the dinner cooked at the right time when we get back. My mind is in overdrive. Mashed up.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 16:23

@Nepmarthiturn thank you. Yes, holidays are hard. I didn't prepare for this one particularly well.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 16:23

TheShellBeach · 02/08/2023 16:22

Virtual hand hold to all of us who are struggling.

DH and I are driving 100 miles tomorrow, to go and test drive our new Motability car. Then we have to drive 100 miles back. This is the disadvantage of living in the middle of nowhere in Scotland.

I am already panicking about how I'll get the dinner cooked at the right time when we get back. My mind is in overdrive. Mashed up.

Oh crikey, can you pre prepare something that won't take long to finish off?

TheShellBeach · 02/08/2023 16:33

Well I have, but I'm catastrophising the journey home at the moment, and wondering if the alarm will go off in the morning.
Etc etc etc etc
I told DH we didn't need to test drive the car anyway....... that did not go down well.
Maybe we'll crash it? Or get food poisoning from the sandwiches..........

StopStartStop · 02/08/2023 18:00

Yes, I try to park 'out of the way' of other people, too. It got worse this afternoon. The neighbours had blocked me in at my house, too. I give up.

Best wishes and peaceful vibes to everyone who needs them. Thank you @Nepmarthiturn , it's really good to have a place to talk and people to respond. 🌷

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 21:51

TheShellBeach · 02/08/2023 16:33

Well I have, but I'm catastrophising the journey home at the moment, and wondering if the alarm will go off in the morning.
Etc etc etc etc
I told DH we didn't need to test drive the car anyway....... that did not go down well.
Maybe we'll crash it? Or get food poisoning from the sandwiches..........

Aaargh.

You will be ok. Once you are up and on the way tomorrow it will be better.

Also, take a proper pillow so you can nap comfortably against the car window! Whenever I did a road trip with ex-H across the continent I made him do the morning shift of driving (hate mornings!! 😡😡) and slept all through France and Belgium.

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 21:53

StopStartStop · 02/08/2023 18:00

Yes, I try to park 'out of the way' of other people, too. It got worse this afternoon. The neighbours had blocked me in at my house, too. I give up.

Best wishes and peaceful vibes to everyone who needs them. Thank you @Nepmarthiturn , it's really good to have a place to talk and people to respond. 🌷

What the hell? In Mumsnet parlance: the cheeky fuckers!!

What did you do? I think I might have resorted to egg and flour in this situation...

I feel another diagram coming on. 🤣

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 21:55

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 16:23

@Nepmarthiturn thank you. Yes, holidays are hard. I didn't prepare for this one particularly well.

Me either 😵‍💫😵‍💫😆

I feel the pain.

Ready to lock myself in a room for a week alone but sadly that won't be an option for another 13 years. Solidarity! At least that is something.

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StopStartStop · 02/08/2023 22:09

@Nepmarthiturn
What did you do? I think I might have resorted to egg and flour in this situation...
I sounded my horn madly, for five minutes or more. The woman whose car was most blocking is deaf! She was watching me from her bedroom window but didn't come to sort it out.

Another neighbour, also blocking but only because of the neighbour above, would have been fine if neighbour 1 had parked six feet further back, came out to move her car. We've had disputes going back over twenty years but I was very grateful that she came. She also told me she's going to have a wedge of the space out there fenced off! She seems to have the right to do this so, fine, I will have to live with it. Ah well. Won't be able to park near my house. I can care about that, or choose not to. Choosing not to seems to be the way forward.

StopStartStop · 02/08/2023 22:10

Thank you for asking!

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 22:31

@StopStartStop there's definitely something in the solidarity thing. Feels good. Ignored everyone for an hour in my room with earplugs in and that helped. Tomorrow I'm taking them for tennis (someone please tell me why I do this)

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 22:32

@TheShellBeach hope all goes well tomorrow 💐

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 22:34

Noticed something recently. When I post on threads involving people struggling to "cope with" ND people with actionable advice, I never get replies....
Am I paranoid? Missing something? Or do people not want to know how to make things better?

JarByTheDoor · 02/08/2023 22:56

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 22:34

Noticed something recently. When I post on threads involving people struggling to "cope with" ND people with actionable advice, I never get replies....
Am I paranoid? Missing something? Or do people not want to know how to make things better?

They probably really meant "how do I make them stop".

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 02/08/2023 23:33

@JarByTheDoor Yup, I thought as much 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 23:55

They probably really meant "how do I make them stop".

Yep. Absolutely. It's not really "how do I cope with this" i.e. how could we establish better communication and understand each other more and make the situation better for us both in future?

It's code for "how do I force this person to mask and hide their distress even more than they already do to make my life easier (zero fucks given about the impact that will have on their mental health or the extreme effort the are already making to meet me and the rest of the NT world they are forced to live in more than half way, I can't be arsed to do even a fraction of that)?

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TheShellBeach · 02/08/2023 23:56

Nepmarthiturn · 02/08/2023 23:55

They probably really meant "how do I make them stop".

Yep. Absolutely. It's not really "how do I cope with this" i.e. how could we establish better communication and understand each other more and make the situation better for us both in future?

It's code for "how do I force this person to mask and hide their distress even more than they already do to make my life easier (zero fucks given about the impact that will have on their mental health or the extreme effort the are already making to meet me and the rest of the NT world they are forced to live in more than half way, I can't be arsed to do even a fraction of that)?

Yes, this, 100%.
It makes me so angry and defeated.

Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 03/08/2023 00:05

It's exhausting @TheShellBeach

I have found it a little easier though since I cracked their code, and started understanding their fake meaning in what they say, like the above translation.

Stupidly, when I was young, I used words to mean what they mean and assumed other people were doing likewise. It took me so long to realise this wasn't the case. (With my own children I'm making sure they know this from a young age! They find so many phrases and things confusing already because the don't actually make sense.).

It is exhausting when you have people reading imagined subtext into what you have said when you have literally used the words per their dictionary definition. And mean exactly what you actually said, no more, no less.

And the other person then makes up a meaning of your words which isn't what you said, with their imagined subtext that they project onto everyone else just because they do it.

And then replies to you but again in code expecting you to establish some meaning that isn't actually what they said at all.

I mean, FFS. Words exist for a reason! Why is it so hard to use the ones that actually say what you mean?!

I am amazed quite frequently that autistic people are the ones described as having communication difficulties. It seems to me that it is mainly an issue with NT people failing at comprehension and making up hidden messages that do not exist or expecting people to read their minds because they are seemingly incapable of using words that actually match what they are attempting to communicate. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 03/08/2023 00:11

Uuugh, I'm getting tired and grumpy. 🤣🤣 I should probably attempt to sleep before I get into a proper rage at the world in general.

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Original poster

Nepmarthiturn · 03/08/2023 00:15

I'm even more annoyed because I wanted a snack and found a bag of pistachios and then realised they are past their use by date and were mouldy. 🤢

Massive phobia of it so now feel really sick!

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