Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Hello I am completely new to this thread and had absolutely no idea it existed until literally ten seconds ago 😉

Now then, what are we talking about...

I live with hypervigilance every day too, it's the most exhausting isn't it? For me it's tied in with PTSD caused by my mum's death. My brain had decided I am going to die in exactly the same way and my children are going to suffer like I did. I can't reprogram it. I have to just live with it. Some days are easier than others.

Do you have E Consult? I did this as my initial contact re: autism. Meant I could write everything down that I felt was important and could refer to it in subsequent appointments. My GP took it seriously and referred me.

@capecheckmaskcheck it's totally exhausting! I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I've just had my first therapy session and I remain to be convinced it's actually going to be helpful 😩

When I had my autism assessment I mentioned my childhood trauma and said I didn't know whether it was that or ND that was creating anxiety/difficulty with relationships etc, they had no problem unpicking it all and diagnosing autism/ADHD so I think a good assessor would be able to help you.

Same here. And I was still doubtful. Despite family history of very obvious but undiagnosed autism in male relatives (I just didn't know much about it back when I was diagnosed, especially how it manifests in girls/ women). I am still having trauma therapy now so my brain is a big confusing mass of knotted wool but it didn't take consultants long to be able to establish I was autistic as well. Even with nobody to be able to give childhood history other than me.

Now both of my children are diagnosed too so any remaining doubt is long gone. 🤣 The upside I guess was that once I'd been diagnosed I could spot the signs not only in my son (quite typical male presentation) but also in my daughter very early on. My daughter is the kind of child that would often fly under the radar for a long time and not end up getting diagnosed until secondary with a huge mental breakdown: the master-masker, over compensator, massive anxiety dealt with my controlling everything so seems super confident when the opposite is the case, SO verbal but lives in a fantasy land, sensory issues galore. I knew from when she was a baby. I just really hope the diagnosis early on means their experience of childhood and school and be a lot better than mine.

Not mucj of interest in the garden yet: everything is so late this yesr because of the hideous weather. But my peach tree is starting to blossom, and some daffodils and crocuses are being brave. Hoping it won't be long until there is a sea of tulips!

Why helllllllooooo complete stranger! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Welcome! 😁

@capecheckmaskcheck awesome username also. 😁😁

Thanks, might be needing a bit of a vent later. My dad is coming to stay and I v much still have to mask around him.

@capecheckmaskcheck aaargh, exhausting. Vent away! I suspect many of us will be in overwhelming situations this weekend with it being Easter. We are going to stay with family. Then also packing and timing and ADHD to content with as well as all the talky talk talk. 🤯🤯

@jellybean007 how's the hol going? I need to live vicariously. I dream of lying on a beach and swimming in the sea on repeat and not speaking to anybody for a week, like I used to in my younger days. Although appreciate you are on a family holiday so prob not like that at all. 🤣🤣

Oh yes this is exactly it. Until my mid- to late- 20s I'd just assumed I was rubbish at coping and everybody found all of this stuff equally hard but were just better at it than me, better at coping, better at hiding it (ha! The irony!!).

Then it starts to dawn on you, actually they don't. At all. And also that they assume you don't because of the masking. 🤦🏻‍♀️

It is such a relief having other people to speak to who understand. That was the start of a self-acceptance for me, and not hating myself quite so much.

I'm so glad so many people have found the thread and want to be here. 😊

Hello to you, too! Glad you found us. 😊

Also sorry if I've missed any new posters. I was worried I'd post it and nobody would reply so it's been a very pleasant surprise!

Good afternoon everyone!
How are we all doing and what are we all doing today?
Had a rough night - two sleep paralysis attacks - always the same situation during and can't seem to fing a way of stopping them - used to get zoplcone (spelling terrible again) for 7 days and it really helped by putting a steel wall Infront of all the bad stuff and I actually feel 'normal' for nearly 4 weeks. Doctors are refusing to let me have it now because it's highly addictive but refuse to look at studies that are proving that it works taking it long term.

I forgot to thank you for liking my username - I've been a mad Harry potter fan since my DD got the first book. I was a bit unsure as to say it here as I no that there is big argument over comments made by the author. I have a friend who has become a they/them (I am really nervous about saying the wrong thing here, and I apologise from the bottom of my heart if I do) and we have talked about this and these are their words "you can love the art and hate the artist". The reason I love Harry potter is because his story resonates with me - I had the same upbringing and my grammar school was almost the same setting - the Great hall looked like our library, we had houses and professors. When I was younger I was never allowed to get into anything, I wasn't allowed toys - I was a Cinderella child. The really funny part of this is - I have been NC with my mother for over 30 years, but I hear news from a family member and she was diagnosed with autism about 5 years ago but she still refuses to believe that I have it too. Her diagnosis actually stopped me from asking to be diagnosed.

I have a really close friend - we call each other sisters and to us we are family. I mentioned this thread to her last night and told her about what other posters were saying about their coping strategies (if that the right word). The reason I was telling her is because I believe that she has autism too! It was a really good conversation for us to have and I think that is why, when we first met, we 'clicked' it really did feel like we had known each other for years!

There is a reason I'm mentioning this and that's because, until yesterday, I felt very uncomfortable and disappointed in who I was/am. Reading everyone's posts yesterday, especially the speed reading, was like getting slapped in the face because I thought 'its just me'. Can you all keep a secret? IT'S NOT JUST ME!!!!!!

I also have a small (annoying) companion. He's a black and white chihuahua called Dobby!! And yes, when he was a puppy - he ate my socks! Hence the name 😂😂. He is a big help with keeping me 'normal' (and for the record, I hate that word. As my sister says - normal is a program on a washing machine) I cook his meals and he has quite a rigid routine because I have to stick with it so it keeps me in check.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Say hello to Dobby!!

That creature is aaaaall sensory organ 😅 His name really suits him!

He definitely looks like he knows we know he ate your socks. 🤣

He's very cute.

Thank you and yes he keeps me on my toes! 😂😂

Because I have to look after him I have to look after myself. I have a lot of houseplants for the same reason.

I really hope that makes sense

Hello , I’m just going to sit quietly in the corner for now 🫣🤣

It does make total sense. My houseplants are very neglected, I blame the children taking all my energy! But totally get what you mean.

<whispers hello without drawing any attention or making eye contact>

@Dobbyatemysocks

Sorry to hear about your sleep. That makes everything else ten times harder. And so frustrating when doctors won't look at evidence. 😒😒 I hope tonight is better for you.

I have only recently got into Harry Potter, been reading it to my children and my son especially loves it. He dressed up at HP for World Book Day. Somehow it passed me by but I'm really enjoying it. I gave him the Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets" lego for his birthday and we're enjoying building that together! Dobby really made me laugh, such a funny character.

I have a really close friend - we call each other sisters and to us we are family. I mentioned this thread to her last night and told her about what other posters were saying about their coping strategies (if that the right word). The reason I was telling her is because I believe that she has autism too! It was a really good conversation for us to have and I think that is why, when we first met, we 'clicked' it really did feel like we had known each other for years!

There is a reason I'm mentioning this and that's because, until yesterday, I felt very uncomfortable and disappointed in who I was/am. Reading everyone's posts yesterday, especially the speed reading, was like getting slapped in the face because I thought 'its just me'. Can you all keep a secret? IT'S NOT JUST ME!!!!!!

This is really lovely!! It's definitely not just you!!!!

I have a question for all you speedreading word-chunk-seeing types. Do you think in text?

I've chatted about this with other autistic women, especially ones who were hyperlexic as children, and it seems quite a few of us experience our word-thoughts at least sometimes as text-words, rather than sound-words. For me it's my main and native-feeling thinking medium, almost like a mental ticker-tape, although I can and do sometimes think in sound-words if I have to. If I pay attention, I realise that when I listen to someone talking, my brain is actually automatically converting their words to text-words in real time, with my responses going through the opposite process.

How lovely to see this thread. I'll read it in bed tonight. ☺️

Same routine every night. Bed at 8 with small daughter (we all co-sleep) and watching on my phone (with noise cancelling headphones) whatever my current fad is (right now it's 24 hours in A&E reruns) on my phone and browsing online while she reads. Then both of us lights out at 9. I listen to the same thing to go to sleep and have for many years - I know it verbatim! (Cabin Pressure💗)

So many brackets in this post.

Watching. My husband is autistic. I'm not, but I probably have ADHD. I will work on reading the 10 pages of posts later.