Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD has been dishonest for personal gain. What to do?

166 replies

leonairs · 28/03/2023 12:06

DD is 15 and just sat a recent GCSE she's taken early

My ex has told me she's said to him her mental illness isn't real, and she will 'discontinue' the therapy after she's finished A Levels. This came about when I asked him to talk to her about why she wasn't taking her tablets, I'd caught her a few times having not taking them. The tablet is Risperidone so not a risk free drug!

To clarify, she gets extra time and a small % too, I believe, due to extenuating circumstances.

Ex has told me this has all been a lie to get extra marks. He was a 'crafty' younger man and DD thought she could tell him and he'd approve - This idea of being safe to tell him probably came from the many tales of his misspent youth!

He told me he didn't really know what to say and I should speak to her. Trouble is, I don't know what to say either and find it all very hard to unpick. It isn't something google will have an answer to.

It all seems very calculated.

For clarification, she's a bright student who is described as being very 'quick and intelligent' by her history teacher for example. She is popular, seems well liked

What can I do about this? Where do I start

If you recognise me then Pm me I beg you before you say anything

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 28/03/2023 12:11

You don't get extra time for mental illness (although you might get rest breaks for anxiety etc). You only get extra time for something diagnosable like slow processing, dyslexia, dygraphia etc or if you need to use a scribe.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 28/03/2023 12:12

Well, she might have lied about her illness. Or she might be lying to her dD for some reason about having made it up. Presumably she has been diagnosed by a medical professional?

I would just talk to her and ask her about what her dad has told you. If she admits to making it up, then you need to get to the route of why she might have felt that she needed to do that. If she has lied to her dad, then you need to get to the bottom of why she feels that she needs to hide the illness from him.

If she has actually lied and admits it, then you'll have to get her to tell the school, or else tell them yourself.

travelingtortoise · 28/03/2023 12:13

Risperidone is an anti-psychotic, no?

Are you sure she's not off her meds and her 'admission' to her dad is a sign of symptoms returning?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

15 year olds
Littleloveydovey · 28/03/2023 12:14

What? This makes no sense,isn’t that drug for schizophrenia? It is nit something handed out lightly

Seeline · 28/03/2023 12:14

Who prescribed the meds?
And why?

Fairly sure they wouldn't just be handed over because DD said she felt a little bit anxious or something!

Notegoat · 28/03/2023 12:14

If she’s on that drug then you know why she’s being given it. Saying she doesn’t need it (when she does) and skipping doses would be entirely consistent with some of the conditions it’s prescribed for.

Littleloveydovey · 28/03/2023 12:15

Notegoat · 28/03/2023 12:14

If she’s on that drug then you know why she’s being given it. Saying she doesn’t need it (when she does) and skipping doses would be entirely consistent with some of the conditions it’s prescribed for.

Exactly. Why would anyone assume that she’s lying rather than assuming this is a symptom of her condition. Least of all a mother

DurhamDurham · 28/03/2023 12:16

Maybe she's just reluctant to discuss her diagnosis/illness with her Dad? There's obviously a lot going on here, no one would go to the lengths necessary to get that type of medication for the sake of extra time in an exam.

Klunt · 28/03/2023 12:17

Comefromaway · 28/03/2023 12:11

You don't get extra time for mental illness (although you might get rest breaks for anxiety etc). You only get extra time for something diagnosable like slow processing, dyslexia, dygraphia etc or if you need to use a scribe.

I get extra time for mental illness.

Greenfinch7 · 28/03/2023 12:17

My daughter gets extra time for a mental illness. I think it is unjustified, but I think that the whole time pressure element of exams is stupid. About half the people in her private school were getting extra time for one reason or another. That wouldn't have happened in a state school.

Original poster
leonairs · 28/03/2023 12:18

Comefromaway · 28/03/2023 12:11

You don't get extra time for mental illness (although you might get rest breaks for anxiety etc). You only get extra time for something diagnosable like slow processing, dyslexia, dygraphia etc or if you need to use a scribe.

Yes you do. School wrote to the exam board, I don't know who maybe Edexcel?

She was granted extra
due to needing more processing time and breaks. She has psychosis

OP posts:
Littleloveydovey · 28/03/2023 12:20

leonairs · 28/03/2023 12:18

Yes you do. School wrote to the exam board, I don't know who maybe Edexcel?

She was granted extra
due to needing more processing time and breaks. She has psychosis

Show quote history

Op, your child is very unwell. Not taking her medication is very common and it leads to her thinking her illness isn’t real

i don’t understand why you are jumping to this conclusion and not getting her more help. She’s a child for gods sake and an unwell one at that/

Original poster
leonairs · 28/03/2023 12:20

Notegoat · 28/03/2023 12:14

If she’s on that drug then you know why she’s being given it. Saying she doesn’t need it (when she does) and skipping doses would be entirely consistent with some of the conditions it’s prescribed for.

Because the symptoms always come on when she doesn't want to do something and it's convenient. I've never said that to her but that's the pattern

It doesn't add up very well. Psychiatrist did want her to attend as a voluntary 'in patient' on a teenagers unit for observation but she declined as she's allowed to and is deemed safe in the community

OP posts:
Littleloveydovey · 28/03/2023 12:21

Op you are being ridiculous.

Original poster
leonairs · 28/03/2023 12:21

@Littleloveydovey the Mh team were aware

She missed 2 tablets over the course of about a week and they were told this. It's well documented from my side thank you

They weren't too concerned but saw her again that week and spoke about the importance of it all etc. and she's taken them since

OP posts:
Notegoat · 28/03/2023 12:22

Teenagers who need medication often avoid taking it or take it inconsistently. This is something that happens with type one diabetics too and they definitely need the medication. Accepting that there’s something wrong with you and you need medication, quite possibly for life, is hard enough for an adult to accept.

ladycardamom · 28/03/2023 12:26

I'd say she needs her respiridone increased.

MyriadOfTravels · 28/03/2023 12:33

I think this is something to discuss with her psychiatrist/consultant.
i don’t think you can decide whether she is making it up or not because it’s too personal.

  • Fwiw saying she doesn’t have anything might be part if the psychosis and the refusal to acknowledge she has a serious illness
  • Symptoms might be more likely when she is stressed (heart attacks too are linked to stress. It’s not just a ‘it’s all in my head. You are making it up’ thing)
  • she might have invented the whole thing which might be more than just ‘a lie fir her benefit’
  • if she doesn’t need it, the medication must have some impact on her. You might want to discuss that with her consultant first.
What I would NOT do is discuss it with her. Please don’t go and tell her you think she is a liar Wo being sure she is. Because if what she says is coming from her psychosis, then you,l create a hell of an issue.
MyriadOfTravels · 28/03/2023 12:35

Fwiw I’m uncomfortable about the fact you don’t seem to believe that your dd has a very serious mental illness and you seem to prefer the possibility she is just lying.

Maybe you also need to look at your own prejudice towards MH illnesses, worries about what it means fier her as an adult etc….

coldmarchmorn · 28/03/2023 12:36

Littleloveydovey · 28/03/2023 12:21

Op you are being ridiculous.

You don't know that.

Posters all seem to think that it isn't possible that OP's DD has faked a mental illness. Obviously, it's possible.

Anonhopingforbaby · 28/03/2023 12:37

Sorry but you can't fake psychosis to that level

coldmarchmorn · 28/03/2023 12:38

Anonhopingforbaby · 28/03/2023 12:37

Sorry but you can't fake psychosis to that level

Why not?

Jellifulfruit · 28/03/2023 12:43

coldmarchmorn · 28/03/2023 12:36

You don't know that.

Posters all seem to think that it isn't possible that OP's DD has faked a mental illness. Obviously, it's possible.

Show quote history

Exactly this. The poster knows her daughter better than anyone here

Anonhopingforbaby · 28/03/2023 12:45

Because the mental health professionals will see straight through it. I highly doubt a fifteen year old has faked psychosis, been prescribed drugs that can have serious side effects, and has symptoms to the degree that inpatient treatment was required, to get some extra time on her exams. Seems OP is in denial of how unwell her daughter is.

TheOrigRights · 28/03/2023 12:45

Comefromaway · 28/03/2023 12:11

You don't get extra time for mental illness (although you might get rest breaks for anxiety etc). You only get extra time for something diagnosable like slow processing, dyslexia, dygraphia etc or if you need to use a scribe.

Mental illness are diagnosable and students absolutely can get extra time.