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Original poster

Please help to put things in prospective regarding mothers day card

127 replies

Socomargo · 19/03/2023 23:18

TodayvI recieved a mothers day card from my son who married 2 years ago. This is the second card recieved since he married without his wife's name present in the card. I didn't think much of it until my husband ( not his real dad) recieved a father's day card with both names.

I did ask my DS why his DWs name never appears in my cards ( not a question well recieved) and he explained what I already knew, and that's because she lost her DM at 17 and explained that I'm not her DM so why would her name be in it. I did respect his answer although a little miffed because of the above. Her name always appears in b'day cards

I just need a bit of perspective on this please. Am I being over sensitive.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 19/03/2023 23:20

Completely. Have some compassion. Jeez. 🙄

mynameiscalypso · 19/03/2023 23:21

Don't overthink it. It must be a super hard day for your DIL and I've no doubt that if I'd lost my mum at a young age, there's no way that I'd want to write in a card to someone else's mum. It would feel disrespectful to my mum's memory.

FluffySatsuma · 19/03/2023 23:22

Yes, you really are. I wouldn't put my name in a card to my MiL and my mum is alive. When my dad died I had to get my husband to write the gift tags on the Christmas presents because I couldn't bring myself to write "dad" on the one for his dad. And I was a grown woman when I lost my dad, not a kid.

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Events & celebrations
kwetu · 19/03/2023 23:22

mynameiscalypso · 19/03/2023 23:21

Don't overthink it. It must be a super hard day for your DIL and I've no doubt that if I'd lost my mum at a young age, there's no way that I'd want to write in a card to someone else's mum. It would feel disrespectful to my mum's memory.

⬆️ this.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 19/03/2023 23:22

You’re being ridiculous. You’re not her mum.

Bunnyfuller · 19/03/2023 23:22

You’re not her mum. HTH.

raisingthebarbell · 19/03/2023 23:22

You are being over sensitive and also insensitive - your dil has no mother I can't believe you questioned your son on this Confused. If I write a card to my mum I sign it just me, DH puts both of us (in fact whole family) on his Mother's Day card and birthday cards anything goes.

Bunnyfuller · 19/03/2023 23:22

And that’s some typo. It’s perspective.

Singleandproud · 19/03/2023 23:23

She's not your daughter! This takes the biscuit on DiL problems. She lost her mum and probably sees giving you a Mother's day card as betraying her mums memory, leave the poor women alone. She probably finds Mother's day incredibly painful and doesn't want to think of it.

notacooldad · 19/03/2023 23:25

Am I being over sensitive.
Yes.

IneedanewTV · 19/03/2023 23:25

My mum died when I was 24. No way would I put my name on someone else’s Mother’s Day card and I’m now in my 50s. They are not my mum. You are being very selfish. It isn’t all about you.

Couchpotato3 · 19/03/2023 23:25

You are being way over-sensitive on your own behalf and very insensitive to your DIL. I hope your son is sensible enough not to mention this to his wife, or it could have a very negative effect on your relationship with her.

carriedout · 19/03/2023 23:26

I wouldn't want anyone's name in my mother's day card other than my child(ren)'s. I think you're being oversensitive.

Hellocatshome · 19/03/2023 23:26

Your not her Mum, she lost her Mum very young and today is a hard day for her. You are being over sensitive and need to let it go.

TedMullins · 19/03/2023 23:28

wtf? You’re being ridiculous. My mother is alive and I wouldn’t put my name in my partner’s Mother’s Day card because she ISN’T MY MOTHER. I can’t believe this has even crossed your mind

Weallgottachangesometime · 19/03/2023 23:28

Yes you’re being over sensitive.
your son, whose mother you actually are, got you a card. In return he got an always question about why his wife’s name isn’t in it.

can you not just be happy that your son got you a card? Why does it matter if his wife’s name isn’t in it. Even if it is left out because of an issue like her not liking you, how would pressing the point help?

Shamoo · 19/03/2023 23:31

It never even crosses my mind to put my DP’s name in my mum’s Mother’s Day card. Is that a thing? It goes in her birthday card.

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 19/03/2023 23:38

Fucking hell, this take the cake on MN and that's saying something. Confused

It's Mothers Day. Her Mum is dead. You are NOT her Mum and never ever will be.

You should never expect her to ever want to ever have anything to do with your Mothers Day card from your son.

Is that clear enough for you? Hmm

NoSquirrels · 19/03/2023 23:40

Yes. I’ve no idea what my DH wrote in his Mother’s Day card, but I’d assume he just put his name. I love my MIL but she’s not my mum.

largeprintagathachristie · 19/03/2023 23:48

There have been some ludicrously self obsessed threads about Mothers Day but this one takes the biscuit

monsteramunch · 19/03/2023 23:49

You aren't just being over sensitive, you're being staggeringly insensitive.

I can't get my head around you making her pain on Mother's Day all about you.

For you, Mother's Day is a celebration of being a mother to your children. Your son has sent you a card accordingly.

For her, Mother's Day is a painful reminder she has lost her own mum. She therefore hasn't signed a 'to mum' card for you or anyone else.

Unbelievable you've made this into you being wronged somehow.

Even worse, you asked him to explain it despite by your own admission already knowing exactly why it happens. So why did you ask? To make them feel bad? So they knew you were pissed off? To make them feel obliged to put her name on next time?

What on earth were you hoping to achieve by adding yet another layer of difficulty to the day for her?

BreviloquentBastard · 19/03/2023 23:50

How are you even trying to make the death of your daughter in law's mother about you? Please remove your head from your arse.

Siepie · 19/03/2023 23:52

You're not her mum. You're not a replacement for her mum.

I love my MIL very much but I'd still never sign her mother's day card.

Snugglemonkey · 19/03/2023 23:52

My mother is dead. I take nothing at all to do with mother's day for mil. She is not my mother and I do not want to shop for someone else's mother for that occasion.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/03/2023 23:52

Wow. I seem to be in the other camp

I have always put my name on mil card

And dh name on my mum card

They are both dead now so no cards at all for md

Obv you aren't her mum op but she married your son and she is your dil qnd you are her mil

I don't see the big thing her adding her name

But seems all above replies are saying you and I are wrong