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Original poster

Please help to put things in prospective regarding mothers day card

127 replies

Socomargo · 19/03/2023 23:18

TodayvI recieved a mothers day card from my son who married 2 years ago. This is the second card recieved since he married without his wife's name present in the card. I didn't think much of it until my husband ( not his real dad) recieved a father's day card with both names.

I did ask my DS why his DWs name never appears in my cards ( not a question well recieved) and he explained what I already knew, and that's because she lost her DM at 17 and explained that I'm not her DM so why would her name be in it. I did respect his answer although a little miffed because of the above. Her name always appears in b'day cards

I just need a bit of perspective on this please. Am I being over sensitive.

OP posts:
newtowelsplease · 19/03/2023 23:53

OP I hope you have gained some perspective from the responses.

My mother is dead, I wouldn't dream of signing a Mother's Day card for my MIL as she's not my mother.

Sugarfish · 19/03/2023 23:54

Why would she sign it? You’re not her mum. Find it a bit weird she puts it in the Father’s Day card to be honest

HelloWorldMessage · 19/03/2023 23:55

Definitely over thinking!

My DH didn't put my name on his card to his mum and I never put his name on my card to my mum. I genuinely never even thought about it until I read this thread.

For the record his mum is fab - we get on really well! However I feel it would be weird to sign my name on a mothers day card.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
ThatsWhyCamelsShouldntBeAllowedToPlayNetball · 19/03/2023 23:56

I lost my mum 20 years ago and mothers day is always a hard reminder when you see happy families all around you. I spent this morning sulking and trying not to cry because I didn't want to go out with DP and his mum. But of course I did and painted a smile on my face because it's not either of their problem. DP gave his mum a card and I've no idea if he put my name on it or not. Probably not. I like her but she's not my mum.

Season0fTheWitch · 19/03/2023 23:56

Your poor DIL!

Marchsnowstorms · 19/03/2023 23:58

Mother's Day is a marketing thing. Don't get sucked in.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 20/03/2023 00:00

Hmmm I lost my mum when I was 21, I call MIL by her name not 'mum' she would like me to call her mum but it doesn't feel right.

I hadn't really thought about it but my name does go on birthday/Xmas cards but not on Mother's Day cards. It's never occurred to me because it's always just been something DH took care of, she's his mum so he sorts out a present and card. I have nothing to do with the process, I do assist with birthday and Xmas presents and cards.

Plexie · 20/03/2023 00:05

Are posters missing the bit about the DIL adding her name to a Father's Day card to the OP's husband?

To those adamant that DIL shouldn't put her name in Mother's Day cards because OP isn't her mother (with which I agree), how come it's ok for her to sign a Father's Day card to her FIL?

monsteramunch · 20/03/2023 00:08

Plexie · 20/03/2023 00:05

Are posters missing the bit about the DIL adding her name to a Father's Day card to the OP's husband?

To those adamant that DIL shouldn't put her name in Mother's Day cards because OP isn't her mother (with which I agree), how come it's ok for her to sign a Father's Day card to her FIL?

Nobody said she 'shouldn't', they've said they understand why she doesn't. Because her mum passed away and that's hugely upsetting so she doesn't feel comfortable signing a Mother's Day card to someone else's mum. Which makes total sense.

Maybe she isn't grieving a dad who has passed away so signing a Father's Day card doesn't feel as heartbreaking and doesn't trigger grief on an already tough day. Maybe Father's Day doesn't upset her so she can just sign stuff without thinking much whereas Mother's Day really upsets her.

If she's lost a mum and not a dad, of course she feels differently about the two days.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 20/03/2023 00:11

Snugglemonkey · 19/03/2023 23:52

My mother is dead. I take nothing at all to do with mother's day for mil. She is not my mother and I do not want to shop for someone else's mother for that occasion.

Exactly the same for me. DH and MIL have absolutely no problem with this.

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 20/03/2023 00:12

Are you the one that demanded they come for lunch today?

saraclara · 20/03/2023 00:14

Good grief. I never put my name on my much loved MIL's card from my DH, nor be on line to my mum. Mothers day is about a mothers relationship with her own child.

But your DIL had far more reason than that, not to sign yours. MD must be really upsetting for her. And signing your card would make it worse.

I'm struggling to understand why you wouldn't immediately empathise with her, never mind being so bothered that you'd post here about it. And questioning your son? That's bizarre.
You'd probably get along well with my mum, who when my brother turned up today to offer his card and gift and wished her a Happy Mother's Day, just got a snapped "it isn't Mothers Day, it's Mothering Sunday"

saraclara · 20/03/2023 00:15

nor be on line to my mum

Ugh. Nor he on mine to my mum.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/03/2023 00:17

The loss of her DM is no doubt the main reason. If the OP's reaction and questioning is typical behaviour, it needn't be the only reason.

saraclara · 20/03/2023 00:18

I did ask my DS why his DWs name never appears in my cards ( not a question well recieved) and he explained what I already knew, and that's because she lost her DM at 17...

If you already knew, why did you ask? No wonder your son didn't take it well.

Next year you won't have a problem with her not signing. You probably won't get a card from him at all.

Capricornone1 · 20/03/2023 00:19

Jesus wept

ladydimitrescu · 20/03/2023 00:23

Oh god, you're going to be that mil if you continue stunts like this. You're aware her mother died, well aware - you aren't her mother. It's really as simple as that, this is so incredibly self centred and thoughtless.

Sugarfish · 20/03/2023 00:25

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 20/03/2023 00:12

Are you the one that demanded they come for lunch today?

I remember that thread! If it’s the same op they’re as insensitive and entitled as ever

CharlotteMullen · 20/03/2023 00:30

NO one is this tin-eared.

Original poster
Socomargo · 21/03/2023 17:08

Thank you for all your reply's

I do feel most OPs were missing my point about DH's card having my DIL name added on his card. I did state that I understood DIL name not being in my card and totally understand I'm not her mother but I am MIL. The question to my son was on the lines of why on DH card if not on mine when he's not her DF either and that was the main reason above her DM passing away.

I really don't feel I have been insensitive but they have been. Just leave the name off both cards... job done!

I either didn't explain myself properly or there is alot of shallow mindedness here.

All of my family put spouses names in such cards regardless of whether their own DPs are here or not. At the end of the day it's a celebration of mothers of all kinds and an appreciation of what we do.

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/03/2023 18:05

Just wow.

DoneAdulting · 21/03/2023 18:08

You're a nightmare MIL. Your poor DIL.

BadNomad · 21/03/2023 18:11

Why didn't your son just write her name on your card when he was doing it? DIL didn't need to know anything about it.

It's obviously a big deal to the woman that her mother isn't here anymore. It's hard and maybe disloyal to celebrate someone who isn't your mum while you're grieving your own.

SnowyGiveAway · 21/03/2023 18:12

You need to rein it in and learn some compassion and boundaries before the grandkids arrive!

Floralnomad · 21/03/2023 18:15

Obviously ‘mothers day’ is a big deal for her , if you cannot understand that then you are really thick .