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Original poster

Please help to put things in prospective regarding mothers day card

127 replies

Socomargo · 19/03/2023 23:18

TodayvI recieved a mothers day card from my son who married 2 years ago. This is the second card recieved since he married without his wife's name present in the card. I didn't think much of it until my husband ( not his real dad) recieved a father's day card with both names.

I did ask my DS why his DWs name never appears in my cards ( not a question well recieved) and he explained what I already knew, and that's because she lost her DM at 17 and explained that I'm not her DM so why would her name be in it. I did respect his answer although a little miffed because of the above. Her name always appears in b'day cards

I just need a bit of perspective on this please. Am I being over sensitive.

OP posts:
LegArmpits · 21/03/2023 18:16

I've read your Op several times to see if I'm missing anything, but I have actually never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

Coxspurplepippin · 21/03/2023 18:24

I don't put DHs name on my card to DMum on Mother's Day. I do put his name on birthday/Christmas cards though.

Lcb123 · 21/03/2023 18:26

I’ve never even thought to put my DH name in the card I give my mum! And vice verse

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Events & celebrations
worried4698643 · 21/03/2023 18:27

Don't be so ridiculous. I have never sent my mil a Mother's Day card, or put my name on it. Wouldn't enter my head to put my DHs on fathers/Mother's Day cards.

Laszlomydarling · 21/03/2023 18:29

She feels only sadness on Mother's Day. For whatever reason she feels better about Fathers Day.

The first year my mum sent me a birthday card with daughter on the front and wrote her new partners name on I asked her to never do it again. Losing a parent is hard.

Be kind.

ArcticSkewer · 21/03/2023 18:32

That's a pretty awful thing to get upset about, op. Do you really plan on being a nightmare mil? Don't expect many visits!

hopeishere · 21/03/2023 18:33

DH used to try and get me to put my name in his dads card. So annoying. You're not her mum. The fact she doesn't want it done should be enough. If you think it's because she doesn't like you that's another matter. Although not unsurprising if this is how you get on...

ChubbyMorticia · 21/03/2023 18:35

So, you’re jealous she signs your husband’s card, but not yours, and refuse to consider that the loss of her mother makes the holiday a completely different situation for her.

You’re definitely an interesting person.

thaegumathteth · 21/03/2023 18:36

I don't put my name in MiL card because she's not my mum 🤷🏻‍♀️

I certainly wouldn't have put my name in FiL card especially after my dad died.

Get over it, you sound .... odd

Schmutter · 21/03/2023 18:41

My mum is dead, but I’m pretty sure I always added my husband’s name to her Mother’s Day cards. And he puts my name on his to his mum.

But, your daughter in law might be a bit more sensitive so no biggy.

Disydoll12 · 21/03/2023 18:44

As others have said, you are not her mother. It's disturbing, you have no respect for her.
It kind of reminds me when my dad died and my mil said (on the day he was buried) that I could start calling around to her house more often now.......my mother was and is still very much alive. I honestly wanted to punch her. She is the most self absorbed person I have ever encountered.

sidsgranny · 21/03/2023 18:47

It's interesting that you don't refer to her as your DIL but as your DS's DW.

OneSmallStepUp · 21/03/2023 18:48

You are not her mum. You sound so uncaring and inconsiderate.

Puppers · 21/03/2023 18:51

Wow. You are so lacking in compassion it's untrue.

She finds it triggering to sign a mother's day card having lost her own mum. If you were a decent and caring MIL you would understand that (in fact you'd have used your common sense and realised it was likely to be a very difficult day for her) and feel nothing but concern and empathy for her. But you don't. You are instead thinking about yourself and getting wound up over something that's really inconsequential.

If you want her to "appreciate" you as a mother figure, behave like one. This is not it.

Notellinganyone · 21/03/2023 18:53

I would never sign a card to my MIL - she’s not my mother?

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 18:55

Are people missing that the man, who isn't the biological father of her son has both son and wife!

I find it weird that she would be on any card.

I don't think you are being sensitive but I hope you are offering her support as a mother in law.

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 18:56

newtowelsplease · 19/03/2023 23:53

OP I hope you have gained some perspective from the responses.

My mother is dead, I wouldn't dream of signing a Mother's Day card for my MIL as she's not my mother.

Did you read the OPs partner gets both their names on the card?

Mammajay · 21/03/2023 18:56

My son is my son and I am his mum. His wife is not my daughter. I would find it odd if she signed my mother's day card

latetothefisting · 21/03/2023 18:58

I would never sign a partners mothers day card anyway, it would be a really weird thing to do! The clue is in the name, it's not mother in law or "boyfriends mothers day"!

Added to the fact that this poor woman's mother died so she is probably already feeling vulnerable around mothers day and I can't believe you were insensitive enough to even ask! Ffs.

Puppers · 21/03/2023 19:02

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 18:56

Did you read the OPs partner gets both their names on the card?

Show quote history

DS and DIL probably haven't even made a connection between the two separate events. She finds Mother's Day challenging (for obvious reasons) but not Father's Day. So she doesn't sign the Mother's Day card - perhaps because OP's son is more caring and empathetic than his mother, and he just sorts his own mother's day card without involving her at all anyway - whereas on Father's Day she thinks nothing or signing the card because she isn't deeply upset at that time and also presumably has mistaken her MIL for a grown up.

shreddednips · 21/03/2023 19:07

This is really insensitive of you, I can't believe you asked. She feels distress about the loss of her own mother on Mother's Day, so I expect your son doesn't even ask her to sign the card so as not to upset her and gets on with it without involving her. She probably feels completely differently about Father's Day. I doubt your son thought for a second this would be an issue because it's so petty!

I'm sure some people who have lost their mums would feel totally fine about signing a card for their spouse's mum. Your DIL isn't one of those people, and her position is perfectly understandable and valid.

Hellocatshome · 21/03/2023 19:07

Its honestly hit and miss wether I put my DHs name in the fathers day and mothers day cards I send because I'm never sure what you are actually supposed to do so sometimes I do and sometimes I dont I hope my parents don't overthink it as much as you do! I dont even get involved with the cards he sends to his parents so no idea if my name is in there or not. This is not a big deal please don't make it into one.

BlackBarbies · 21/03/2023 19:09

Whether her mum was alive or not, why does her name have to be in the card? You’re not her mum…

DoesItHaveKosovo · 21/03/2023 19:13

I can’t imagine wanting a Mother’s Day card signed by anyone but my own children tbh

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2023 19:18

I either didn't explain myself properly or there is alot of shallow mindedness here.

Or we feel a great deal of compassion for the bereaved woman and can't really understand why you're not just rolling with it. Why do you care? It's a name in a card. You still get a card.