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Original poster

Please help to put things in prospective regarding mothers day card

127 replies

Socomargo · 19/03/2023 23:18

TodayvI recieved a mothers day card from my son who married 2 years ago. This is the second card recieved since he married without his wife's name present in the card. I didn't think much of it until my husband ( not his real dad) recieved a father's day card with both names.

I did ask my DS why his DWs name never appears in my cards ( not a question well recieved) and he explained what I already knew, and that's because she lost her DM at 17 and explained that I'm not her DM so why would her name be in it. I did respect his answer although a little miffed because of the above. Her name always appears in b'day cards

I just need a bit of perspective on this please. Am I being over sensitive.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/03/2023 19:28

The perspective is - she lost her mother at 17 and she always puts her name in your birthday cards. She's still grieving, particularly on Mother's Day. She doesn't begrudge you getting a card and is happy to do joint birthday cards to you.
It's as simple as that.

emanresuymsisiht · 21/03/2023 19:35

At the end of the day it's a celebration of mothers of all kinds and an appreciation of what we do.

Why is it not enough for you that your own son celebrates you and appreciates you?

Her mother is dead. What's to celebrate for her? That she's been lumbered with a stone cold and self absorbed drain such as yourself?

Hardly.

And I actually do write a Mothers Day card for a woman who is not my mum, but raised me like one.

Her marrying your son doesn't entitle you to anything.

saraclara · 21/03/2023 19:36

Jeeze. Your update makes you sound even worse.

She signed the father's day card, presumably because Fathers Day isn't such a painful time for her. I don't know what was printed on DS's card for you, but if it was the usual stuff that is quite sentimental and written as if said to the mother (unlike most Father's Day cards) I can quite imagine that she felt it impossible to sign as if you were her mother. You're not. Stop thinking about yourself, and have some empathy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
Cyanchicken · 21/03/2023 19:40

Gosh you sound really awful!!

TriciaMcMillan · 21/03/2023 19:45

I lost my mum when I was 15. I would feel deeply uncomfortable sending my mil (who I love and have a great relationship with) a card or signing my husband's. It would deepen and reinforce my own sense of loss. I would also feel (illogical though I rationally know it is) that I was in some way diminishing my own mother and her importance.

I don't sign my fil's Father's Day card either, but just because we've never done that. However it doesn't have any of the same emotional significance for me, as my dad's very much still here!

Perhaps think about what this could be about for your dil and be compassionate, even if you don't understand.

MapleSyrupSweet · 21/03/2023 20:18

🙈

TheFlis12345 · 21/03/2023 20:30

Wow OP, you’re an awful, insensitive person!

DH and I don’t sign mother or fathers days cards for each other’s parents. One day I might unconsciously sign a Mother’s Day card for his DM without even thinking about it but since losing my dad last year I would never, ever sign a Father’s Day card for his Dad, even though he is a wonderful man who I love dearly.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/03/2023 20:31

Massively. Her mum died. Maybe think about her?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/03/2023 20:39

The only thing you need to say to your Ds is 'thanks for the card' or 'Mother's Day must be so hard for dil, is there anything I can do to support you both?'

Why on Earth would this worry you? Are you that insecure? Why does it matter?

You need to get a grip - seriously.

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 20:41

TriciaMcMillan · 21/03/2023 19:45

I lost my mum when I was 15. I would feel deeply uncomfortable sending my mil (who I love and have a great relationship with) a card or signing my husband's. It would deepen and reinforce my own sense of loss. I would also feel (illogical though I rationally know it is) that I was in some way diminishing my own mother and her importance.

I don't sign my fil's Father's Day card either, but just because we've never done that. However it doesn't have any of the same emotional significance for me, as my dad's very much still here!

Perhaps think about what this could be about for your dil and be compassionate, even if you don't understand.

So don't you think it's hurtful for the OPs DIL to do it for the non biological dad but not the mum?

CKL987 · 21/03/2023 20:50

You are being ridiculous. Even if her mum was still alive she is not your daughter. I never even considered putting my DH's name on parent day cards when they were alive and I don't think either parent would have thought anything of. In fact I send all sorts of cards to people without my DH's name on it as I find it weird when I get a card with a partner's name when the partner probably has no idea they sent it.

TriciaMcMillan · 21/03/2023 20:54

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 20:41

So don't you think it's hurtful for the OPs DIL to do it for the non biological dad but not the mum?

Show quote history

No, I really don't. And I thought I'd explained why reasonably clearly. I'm actually gobsmacked at the level of self absorption it would take for that to be what someone would focus when receiving a card from their child. And baffled that you don't get it either.

Hurtful? No, not in the slightest.

emanresuymsisiht · 21/03/2023 20:57

@hexagon123

the son obviously sees the OP's husband as a father figure and the daughter respects that. I'm assuming her own father isn't dead, or OP would have said. If he was, the DIL would probably be taking the same stance.

Perhaps the SD's card doesn't actually say 'To Dad' on it, since he isn't. The mothers day card I send doesn't say 'To Mum' because she isn't my mum.

OP's will say 'To Mum' as it's predominantly from her son.

Tilllly · 21/03/2023 20:58

I understand why you're asking the question here, given the Father's Day card
In a sense it's odd that one parent gets both names and the other doesn't - but given she's lost her mum at a young age, it's clearly a difficult day for her.

Is she a mum herself?

GoingOnce · 21/03/2023 20:59

I think everyone has spectacularly missed the point. Isn’t the OP wondering why the DIL signs the Father’s Day card but not the Mother’s Day one?

PaigeMatthews · 21/03/2023 21:01

DoneAdulting · 21/03/2023 18:08

You're a nightmare MIL. Your poor DIL.

This.

PaigeMatthews · 21/03/2023 21:02

GoingOnce · 21/03/2023 20:59

I think everyone has spectacularly missed the point. Isn’t the OP wondering why the DIL signs the Father’s Day card but not the Mother’s Day one?

I think youve spectacularly missed the point.

clearly it is Because she lost her own mother and doesnt want to send a mother’s day card to someone else.

TriciaMcMillan · 21/03/2023 21:03

PaigeMatthews · 21/03/2023 21:02

I think youve spectacularly missed the point.

clearly it is Because she lost her own mother and doesnt want to send a mother’s day card to someone else.

Show quote history

Agreed, there's definitely some spectacular point missing going on somewhere....

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 21:04

@PaigeMatthews yet she does to the male/father figure

emanresuymsisiht · 21/03/2023 21:05

GoingOnce · 21/03/2023 20:59

I think everyone has spectacularly missed the point. Isn’t the OP wondering why the DIL signs the Father’s Day card but not the Mother’s Day one?

No, it's you who has 'spectacularly' missed the point.

Did you also miss this?

At the end of the day it's a celebration of mothers of all kinds and an appreciation of what we do.

TriciaMcMillan · 21/03/2023 21:07

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 21:04

@PaigeMatthews yet she does to the male/father figure

Honestly, I give up. Those of us who have lost our mums early have tried to explain the significance for us. If you don't get it, I don't think there's much more to say.

cheatingcrackers · 21/03/2023 21:08

Both of my parents are dead. I don’t sign MIL’s Mother’s Day card or FIL’s Father’s Day card but the thought of the former is so much worse than the thought of the latter. I don’t even have a good reason for it. Sometimes grief isn’t rational. Let your poor DIL be.

emanresuymsisiht · 21/03/2023 21:08

hexagon123 · 21/03/2023 21:04

@PaigeMatthews yet she does to the male/father figure

Because she's not comparing the acknowledgment of a father figure in her husband's life to the loss of her own father.

Is it really so hard for you to get your head around that?

saraclara · 21/03/2023 21:10

At the end of the day it's a celebration of mothers of all kinds and an appreciation of what we do.

It's a day when people celebrate THEIR OWN mothers.

I don't celebrate anyone else's mother, or mothers in general. It's a day for one's own mother.

plumfy · 21/03/2023 21:10

Words fail me.

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