Please help to put things in prospective regarding mothers day card

[Socomargo]

TodayvI recieved a mothers day card from my son who married 2 years ago. This is the second card recieved since he married without his wife's name present in the card. I didn't think much of it until my husband ( not his real dad) recieved a father's day card with both names.

I did ask my DS why his DWs name never appears in my cards ( not a question well recieved) and he explained what I already knew, and that's because she lost her DM at 17 and explained that I'm not her DM so why would her name be in it. I did respect his answer although a little miffed because of the above. Her name always appears in b'day cards

I just need a bit of perspective on this please. Am I being over sensitive.

At the end of the day it's a celebration of mothers of all kinds and an appreciation of what we do.

Op, this is gross.

Mother's Day without your mother is beyond shit. Leave her alone.

Actually, if you are this insensitive in general, perhaps the lack of her signature has got nothing to do with the loss of her mother, and everything to do with you as a person 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm actually starting to think certain posters are on the windup, this is so tone deaf or willfully ignorant.

At last a poster like myself. I always put my name and then DH's name on a Mother's day card for my own DM. I do the same on MILs Mother's Day card too. I hadn't thought it wrong until I saw this thread 😬

OP I can’t believe you’re so genuinely insensitive about this, just unbelievable :(

My mum died and I find Mother’s Day just absolutely awful, it just feels like a kick in the stomach every single year, I can completely understand how you DIL feels.

Comparing whether she signs your DHs card is irrelevant, she finds Mother’s Day hard, it’s really not about you whatsoever.

I don’t think it’s ‘wrong’ but I think that once you lose a parent then Father’s Day & Mother’s Day gain a whole different level of significance & sadness for a lot of people.

It’s not something I’d considered much until I lost my mum.

I don't want my name put in my mother in laws card. She's not my mum. Just asked my husband and apparently he put my name and the kids in it. I can't get worked up over it. I just put my name in my mums card. You're being sensitive and creating a drama.

OP- AIBU?
Everyone- Yes, YABU
OP- No, I'm not

Yes it's weirdly inconsistent. Either she signs neither or both.

@BrendaWearingBaffies we are rare

@Changingplace I have lost my mum. Nearly 9yrs ago

I would not be offended having my name written on my mil card

I don't think op is 😛

And my mum God bless her soul is dead

Whaaat?

I wrote my name on my Mum's card. Not husband nor kids. She's my mum. Not their mum

Birthday cards are different

I would never put my name on my mil Mother's Day card - why would I? She's not my mother. But I would wish her a happy birthday and send her a card. I don't see what one has to do with the other.

Wait! Is this a real thread?

To me, the odd thing is signing her name in your dh's Fathers' Day card.
Curious to know whether she signed it or whether ds signed it from them both. Which could be an absent minded thing signing both names on autopilot like a birthday card.

I have never signed MIL's Mothers' Day card. Or FIL's Fathers' Day ones. No idea whether DH signs my name on the card. I don't think he would have done pre DC. Perhaps he signs from all of us now we have DC. That wouldn't bother me, though she is not my mum. I lost my mum at 17 too. I still wrote my nan Mothers ' Day cards when she was alive.

Are you really hurt? Do you have a good relationship otherwise? I would focus on trying to be a good MIL to her - give her some space, you won't be her mother, she won't want you to step in, but if you show interest in her as a person rather than just as your DS's wife, you could have a good and respectful relationship.

How is it inconsistent? She can celebrate her MIL's birthday but doesn't sign her name for a mothers day card because she isn't her mother! That's not inconsistent! Birthday and not Xmas or vice versa would be inconsistent.

Would never occur to me to write DH's in my mums or the other way round. They aren't our mothers?!

This!!!

And not everyone feels the same way, and that’s absolutely fine and understandable - but just because you’re ok with it doesn’t mean others will be.

Indeed. We are all different

But op has had a hammering and some , obv not many , but some feel the same as her and isn't the worst thing ever to have done imo

When her dad died (hopefully not for years) wonder if she will stop putting name on fil card

I will also ask my friends if they ever put both their names on a mil card of just their own

Is she actually signing it?

I know my partner puts my name in his card to his parents (I don't for cards to my parents for mothers/Father's Day but do for birthday and Xmas)

But in no event does the person sign it themselves -card written by one person only. To be fair I think my birthday card from parents is just from one hand writing most years.

So son could well just be signing by default for both on all family cards. but knows he can't do it for Mother's Day so avoids that one.

-and also presumably has mistaken her MIL for a grown up.

Snort! @Puppers wins the thread

Oh lord your update!! Heavens above, you still don't get it do you OP.

We are not shallow minded. We just have some basic compassion and understanding for someone who has lost their Mum at a young age. Shame you don't.

@GoingOnce isn't it blindingly fucking obvious???
HER MUM IS DEAD AND SHE DOESNT WANT TO SIGN A CARD TO SOME ONE ELSE'S MUM, that's the only real point that actually matters here. OP's self indulgent twaddle and questioning really isn't the issue.

The DIL presumably is not as bothered by Fathers Day. And if OP can't figure that out from a million replies saying the same thing then she's daft as well as self absorbed.

Mother's Day no matter when you lost your mum, is 'bittersweet' at best. For someone who lost their mum at a young age it must be exponentially worse. Even to sign a card could make them feel they had 'forgotten' their mum or that they had allowed someone to 'replace' them.

Have a damn heart. And as far as 'shallow', you're standing in the paddling pool of 'shallow'.

@hexagon123 are you a 🧦 for the OP

To me, the odd thing is signing her name in your dh's Fathers' Day card.

Not odd in the slightest, she lost her mum when she was a teenager, and presumably hasn’t lost her dad so Fathers Day doesn’t hold the same emotional significance, perfectly understandable.