Is it ok for a 9 year old boy and 6 year old sister to share a bath?

[ilovemynewjumper]

Just that really. Prompted by another thread. It's got me thinking. Mine still share and seem very happy about it. But maybe I need to stop it. Thoughts?

NB 9 year old very young for his age (and only just turned 9)

Oh my god, the comparisons to Deliverance and Flowers in the Attic are killing me! I simply do not understand this reaction to young siblings sharing a bath. It's quite dangerously prudish.

Everyone should have their own boundaries and in that regard if you and your kids are comfortable with it, OP, then it's probably fine. I would think that imposing the idea on them that there is now something dodgy or shameful about what they are doing in total innocence would be more damaging. Your son isn't pubescent and hasn't expressed discomfort so while I think you're right to start setting up the conversation and looking to a future point at which this will no longer happen, a shared bath at 9 and 6 is completely non-sinister.

Just put them in swim suits. Protects privacy but lets them have fun together if they like that

I think it is fine as long as they are ok. But I would not leave them unattended and I would start a dialogue about privacy etc.

Mine of similar ages ask to share sometimes. Eldest understands privacy and wants it sometimes or for some of things but not at other times. Occasionally they share a bath and I'm fine with it. I would prefer if sharing a shower wasn't the only way at times to get my two youngest Autistic boys into the bath, I'd prefer my privacy personally.

Lol at putting children in swimsuits in the bath. My kids would boggle.

It's in case you decide to touch up your sibling darling. This stretchy Lycra will stop you...

I think it's fine. They will decide when it is not and it is likely to be fairly soon.

The deliverance example made me laugh. It is sad that we have to think like we do but I think in this day and age with ridiculously easy accessible porn, misogyny and generally going backwards with regards to women and young girls being objectified I think its really important that we teach girls from as young as possible that their body is theirs and theirs alone. Nobody has a right to see it naked. I know it seems like overkill with siblings in the bath together but honestly, I worry more about that that than inappropriate touching etc.
We really are going backwards. It is so so important we empower from a young age.

Canada is very mixed up about sex and gender. They are basically saying it’s ok for under 18s of different sex but same gender to share bedrooms.

I think it is probably time to start the not sharing.

"My 8 and 11 year old B/ G do. As long as they are happy. The 11 yo boy has learning difficulties so he is more like a five year old. I'm not sure his older brothers wanted even me in the bathroom at that age."

Ds with a learning disability went through puberty at 11. Personally I think it may be a good idea to start getting your son used to separate baths.

No.

Also, there are a lot of comments about the boys need for privacy. What about the girl's? Everyone develops at different rates but 6 is a normal age to start wanting privacy too. I remember having to be naked around a family friend and a boy in my class on separate occasions (neither were abusive) around that age and finding it awful. I worry it'll be harder for your DD to ask for privacy too as the younger sibling.

Pootle40 · Yesterday 23:00
It's perfectly fine if they are ok with it.

Everyone wants to sexualise everything these days. Sad.

No, it is not about ‘wanting to sexualise everything’.

It is the opposite.

It is about wanting to be sure that the older, 9 year old boy, who might have some ideas of sex in his head from somewhere, might use the younger girl as an outlet for his curiosity/other.

The reason for saying this is not a nasty, dirty mind but experience.

It does happen.

I've never been a person who shared a bath with my kids. Just something I wasnt comfortable with. But they shared with each other happily.
I dont understand why adults would want to bath with children

No absolutely not

God this country is weird sometimes.

Which utterly and wonderfully sane country are you comparing it to?

It is not about wanting to sexualise anything. We all need to be mindful of safe guarding children. It is fairly common for children to be sexually curious and we know that sometimes that turns into situations where a younger child is sexually exploited.

I am a sex therapist and I see people struggling with the after effects of this fairly often. People think of sexual trauma as being grabbed by a stranger , but most people dealing with sexual trauma were assaulted by a family member.

Snugglemonkey· Yesterday 23:24

I am a sex therapist and I see people struggling with the after effects of this fairly often. People think of sexual trauma as being grabbed by a stranger , but most people dealing with sexual trauma were assaulted by a family member.

Though I am not a professional like you, I can confirm that this has happened among my family members in various generations (i.e. it is not just modern and porn related). It tends to arise where children are left alone too much, or in a slightly chaotic, dis functional atmosphere.

Another aspect to be aware of, is that it is not just the exploited chikd who may be affected. The older child who did it can feel very guilty later when they look back and realise they may have harmed their sibling.

No

No.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the answers.

Privacy should be a given, is my thought to be honest.

OK, no one is going to ask a 3 year old permission to share a bath, but the thing with everybody saying that it’s fine until they want more privacy - if everyone around you seems to think it’s fine, even if you feel uneasy, you won’t necessarily say. Children aren’t always very good at voicing their feelings. And I think especially in cases where the younger sibling is a girl, it’s a good idea to give privacy (and dignity) as a given and not something she needs to ask for.

No , my daughter just turned 10 and no way would she bath with her younger brothers. She hasn't done since she was around 5. 9 needs privacy.

My 10 year old girl still has a bath with her 5 year old brother a few times a week. They play pretend, dip their heads under the water with goggles on etc, they love it. The second she says she doesn't want to any more (and I don't imagine it will be much longer) then that's fine with us.

Your 9 yr old should be rolling back his foreskin to clean himself in the bath.

And his sister should not have to watch that.

I've seen on here you don't let children determine their own safeguarding. It's not enough to say it's fine as long as they're happy.

If you leave it until one complains, you're literally guaranteeing that one of them will experience feeling uncomfortable with it.

Also you must have an enormous bath.