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Original poster

Is it ok for a 9 year old boy and 6 year old sister to share a bath?

159 replies

ilovemynewjumper · 18/03/2023 20:45

Just that really. Prompted by another thread. It's got me thinking. Mine still share and seem very happy about it. But maybe I need to stop it. Thoughts?

NB 9 year old very young for his age (and only just turned 9)

OP posts:
35965a · 18/03/2023 21:23

Not OK IMO, as others have said I think parents need to teach boundaries around privacy and dignity, it’s not always appropriate to wait for children to express their own discomfort.

Jules912 · 18/03/2023 21:23

I have a similar age gap and my DS asked to bath alone at 8. I think it was more that it was getting a bit cramped as he's now 10 and still asks me to stay in the bathroom and talk to him so obviously not concerned about privacy.

Kranke · 18/03/2023 21:24

Depends how the older one feels. I was that age with a younger sibling the opposite sex and by that age I wanted to bathe myself. I think you know best as they’re your children.

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Cantbebothered90 · 18/03/2023 21:25

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lifesnotaspectatorsport · 18/03/2023 21:28

I think the older one will know when he's ready to start bathing on his own.

I remember my brother (who's a year younger) and I used to have a Xmas Eve tradition of a shared bath. Both of us liked it and always insisted ... until one year it was just weird. And we never did again! I think we'd have been about 9 or 10.

My almost-6 and 3 year olds love to share, and I can't imagine having any issue with it for a good while yet.

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2023 21:29

My DD had no problems asking for privacy when she was ready, we had talked about bodies and privacy all through their childhood - surely the first time you broach this isn’t talking about baths. She decided around 9 she wanted her own bath and sets different boundaries ie privacy getting dressed and in the shower, help if she’s washing her hair in the bath. My DS is 10 now and again sets his boundaries around privacy and his body.

If you have boundaries generally and open communication it’s not necessarily difficult for children to ask for privacy when they feel they need it.

IDontHaveTimeForFoolishness · 18/03/2023 21:30

No.

Soakitup37 · 18/03/2023 21:30

Open the dialogue to say it’s ok to ask for privacy and that you expect they’ll want that soon : at some point

Nothing wrong with it in principle as long as everyone is happy with it which may be hard to articulate at this age.

you don’t have to insist on anything, just offer options and reassurance that all and any preference is completely acceptable

Miadi · 18/03/2023 21:30

Idk, it depends. I shared a bed with my younger brother at 9 and 7.

Cordeliathecat · 18/03/2023 21:32

If he doesn’t care then I wouldn’t care but I would check in and ask.

My 11 year old boy walks around naked and doesn’t care. My 13 year old daughter is hyper sensitive to being seen partially dressed. She became this way when her body started changing.

I’ve always just been led by my kids. That said, if my son is still walking around naked once he has pubes and manly willy I’ll have to have a word!

gogohmm · 18/03/2023 21:32

Let them share until they don't want to. My dc both DD's switched to showers about those ages

demotedreally · 18/03/2023 21:36

My kids argue about who gets to go in together... 11, 9 and 7 and the one who doesn't go in normally sulks.

I'm not really fussed by privacy, I suspect at least my eldest isn't either.

Calmdown14 · 18/03/2023 21:39

Mine would but we don't have a bath! They will still get in together if we were in a hotel although they now prefer to stretch out so it's more often turns.

It actually hasn't occurred to me about changing. If I take them swimming we all just go in a family changing room..

They still have sleepovers together too as they are really close and always have been.

I imagine the 9 year old will start to change soon. He's private with anyone else but we don't really count. There are no signs of any changes yet and he's still quite young for his age.

SalmonKnicks · 18/03/2023 21:40

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Sleepless1096 · 18/03/2023 21:42

If they enjoy playing together in the bath, it seems a bit mean to insist on separate baths. If you're worried privacy's an issue, I'd stick them both in swim bottoms when they have a bath together rather than not allowing it at all. It's lovely that they have fun together.

stoptherainny · 18/03/2023 21:47

My dd 9 and ds 6 have a bath together, never even thought that they shouldn't, unless they didn't want to of course.

Original poster
ilovemynewjumper · 18/03/2023 21:50

Thanks everyone. I am curious whether those who are adamant it's a 'no' would feel the same if they were same sex siblings? Or if the girl was the older? And if they would be comfortable changing in front of their kids?

It's so interesting the range of answers here. My son is really quite young for his age and utterly uninterested by all the sex education at school (seems to find it quite tedious) and is happy being naked around family. So I don't feel the need to put an abrupt end to it. But I will talk to him about privacy and puberty and gently introduce the idea that he may feel differently one day. And remind him that it's not ok for anyone else to touch his private parts etc. (We've had this conversation once before but I'll go through it again.) And I'll talk to my daughter about it again too in a different way. They are both still 100% children and so I can't quite get my head round the idea that it's totally inappropriate at this age.

OP posts:
Peakypolly · 18/03/2023 21:51

Absolutely fine in my opinion. My DC would have no problem with telling me once they want to bathe alone.

RudsyFarmer · 18/03/2023 21:52

I have a bath with my kids but I won’t let them bath together now as there was some instances where they were laying on each other in the bath and I wanted to make sure nothing happened that would scar them in adulthood (two boys).

dimples76 · 18/03/2023 21:53

My DS is 9 (he has learning disabilities) and DD is 3. They absolutely love bath time together. I am in the bathroom with them. I do always ask them if they want to have a bath together or separately - just to give them space really if they want it. Neither appears to want privacy.

roarfeckingroarr · 18/03/2023 21:54

9 ok if they don't care. 10/11
Not ok

Bubblemilk · 18/03/2023 21:55

With my two (9 girl and 5 boy) they do still bath together if one or the other asks for it. If one has asked we would check with the other one if they want to share a bath. Otherwise we give them separate baths as it's just easier.

lurchermummy · 18/03/2023 21:59

Yes totally okay and imo making a big deal out of it is more harmful

MissEira · 18/03/2023 22:03

Of course its fine if they both want to!
Mine are 8 (boy, turns 9 in a month) and 7 (girl). They still share sometimes!
DS has started taking more showers now, but once in a while he joins his sister in the bath. Her favourite baths are when her brother shares and they play.
Its not dangerous at all, the door is open, i go in and out and i can see or hear them the whole time.
They share a bed on the weekends, because they want to and as long as thats the case I will let them.

They both always ask to join me when I take a bath! I refuse to stop that because people think its wrong. It really isnt if everyones happy with it!

Dillydollydingdong · 18/03/2023 22:03

They're probably getting too big physically