Right, time to get a POSSE together and go get the fucker - who's with me?

[LaurieFairyCake]

And what role would you like to be assigned?

(We're off to drug and capture Putin the bastard)

I've just washed and put away a drawer full of thermal undies. Shall I bring them?

It's fine.
to translate "you are an inadequate sub human pathetic little squirt"

you have to give him the upper lip curl, the right head shake and then spit on his shoes.

I’m impressed at all your skills and can’t compete with the ones I thought I would be good at.
I am however invisible, so could sneak my way in to all sorts of places without anyone noticing. I haven’t got a fucking clue about spying and covert whatnot activities though, so I’d need a bit of training, unless just being somewhere I shouldn’t be is enough of a contribution 🤷‍♀️

Do you need spreadsheets?

lityle detail and big picture planning (strategy and operational support)?

mummy bag (even though kids are 23 and 29) - I have all the drugs, first aid kit, battery chargers and glasses repair kit and mini sewing bag that should cover every eventuality.

i can do wicked paper cuts? Normally in myself but I can give it a go on others?

I’m also shit at home waxing intimate areas and volunteer to test my skills on him?

finally - if you want the worst streaky fake tan applied to him so he daren’t leave the house… I’m your woman.

I'll come. I can fall on him and squash him.

I’ll also smuggle Kim Jong- Un in for torture too! He needs a good dose of it

I can come, I have large boobs so can distract the guards. Happy to go in by parachute if needed. Do we have a pilot?

I’ll bring my cat, sit in a big wing back chair and let out an evil Mwah ha ha ha every time someone tortures him.

I read that as ‘I could totally shit on him..’

we might need a more versatile translator.

Or maybe you could look up some words before we go?

sub human
narcissistic
pathetic
deluded
laughing stock
ridiculous
inadequate
no credibility
murderer
fool
coward
traitor
criminal

and can we get him to repeat these words back to us, as descriptions of himself, and film him doing it?

I dont really care much about the method of gaining his compliance here

I'm remarkably good at walking through mud, which I recall from my limited knowledge of Russian history could be handy.

I'm a first aider in a secondary school so can bring icepacks, plasters, bandages and custard creams. I also have. very firm 'teacher' voice that will ensure he does as he is told (can also double as the dominatrix but I'm fat and middle aged so unless that's his bag might not be the best choice). As a former childminder I also know many many annoying nursery rhymes to torture him with.

I love a road trip, can I drive?

I'm in. I've watched all of Killing Eve so I'm basically fully trained in all that stuff.

I'll bring beer and pombears.

I'm in. I'll bring a bear. He'll be distracted wrestling with it, we'll tell him it's for a photo op.

I drive fast. used to hold a rally license. so when we've got him bound and gagged in the boot of a motor, I can make a quick get away

I've watched all the Bourne films so am 100% convinced that I'll unleash some highly trained moves that I've forgotten I learned if he puts hands on me. Muscle memory shit.

Will there be gin in the lemon drizzle?
Asking for a friend

I've got my Yorkshire-issue big coat to go with the mud too.

I can throw in my 15 year old dd who has a vicious tongue and my staffy pup who has a similar shaped head and face to him if we need a decoy.

I can hold the cardigans

Any room for someone who is prepared to tell him exactly what he looks like bare chested on a horse.

I’m very good at facial recognition, so I’ll be handy to pick him out among all his body doubles he apparently has.
I also have a pretty weak bladder these days, so I could also fulfil the dominatrix to piss on him role quite well - it wouldn’t take long if we’re pushed for time!

Ill sticker him