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Original poster

What would you except in return for doing a wedding cake as a gift? / AIBU?

171 replies

weddingcakery · 17/03/2023 14:41

A family member got married in December. I offered to make the cake to save them a lot of money. I'm not a professional baker but am pretty good when it comes to cakes. The cake looked and tasted ace Grin

I just wondered if IWBU to expect a thank you in the wedding speeches and/or a thank you card afterwards?

OP posts:
WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 17/03/2023 16:03

@WashAsDelicates wowsers! That’s a bold move, hope you said no??

gingergiraffe · 17/03/2023 16:04

I made a 3 tier wedding cake for my daughter’s friend about ten years ago. Fortunately they only wanted very minimal decoration. Lots of thanks, a special mention in the speeches and some flowers and a hamper presented at the reception. I think your friend was rather unappreciative.

Meandfour · 17/03/2023 16:06

Why on earth would they mention you in their speeches ;/

You’d expect a thank you card same as all the other gifts I’d assume.

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ThomasinaLivesHere · 17/03/2023 16:07

I mentioned the cake maker in our speech and sent a thank you card - it was a family member. I do think it’s better to do more than just say how nice it is on the day.

MelchiorsMistress · 17/03/2023 16:08

It’s lazy and rude not to thank people for attending a wedding and giving a gift, but the fact that your gift was their cake is irrelevant.

itwasntmetho · 17/03/2023 16:08

I need to see a picture of the cake please.

RandomUsernameHere · 17/03/2023 16:09

I think it's rude that they didn't send a thank you card. It sounds like you went to a huge amount of effort. I sent hand written thank you cards for all our wedding presents.

Ragwort · 17/03/2023 16:12

So many people on Mumsnet spend thousands on a wedding day but consider a thank you card 'a waste of money and resources'. Hmm. Are you happy to send out formal invitations or do you invite guests by text?
And how can it take six months to write thank you notes ... so rude and ungrateful.

Actually I read (on here) an explanation of why it took one couple 6 months to write thank you notes 'we wanted to enjoy our three week honeymoon and settle into our new life as a married couple before writing thank you cards' .... this was a couple who were already living together Grin.

wordler · 17/03/2023 16:14

WashAsDelicates · 17/03/2023 16:01

A friend asked me to make their wedding cake, and said they would pay for me to stay at the wedding venue. I hadn't been intending to stay, but thought it would be a nice treat for me, so I agreed. I'd have made them the cake even without staying at the hotel.

They were delighted with the cake, and after they returned from their honeymoon I received a thank you note from them - in which they asked me to pay for the hotel room as they'd overspent.

I hope you countered with an invoice for the cake!

KeHuyWinner · 17/03/2023 16:17

This is one of those divisive issues where some people have social expectations that other people aren't aware of.

They thanked you verbally and said it was amazing. I don't think they needed to send a card also and they likely don't know that you expected one.

SparklingLime · 17/03/2023 16:20

So they haven't even commented on how it tasted, how much they enjoyed it? Awful manners. A card is the absolute least they could do.

Hardbackwriter · 17/03/2023 16:24

I do think it should have got a mention in a speech. I personally don't understand why you'd send a card if you've already thanked someone in person - I thought the reason why it's pretty standard to send them for weddings is because you usually open the presents afterwards so can't thank people in person at the event - but I do think it's too big a present to get just a quick thanks.

AliasGrape · 17/03/2023 16:57

My sister in law did our flowers as our gift - she got a thank you card, mention in the speeches and a small gift. Same for my mother in law who made our invitations; and the bridesmaids and one other friend who helped out with various things.

We didn’t ask for gifts but did receive many and of course we sent thank you cards.

I can’t imagine doing otherwise.

I think for some things saying thank you at the time is enough, for something like the time, effort, cost and pressure of making a wedding cake then a card, or at very least a follow up text or call to reiterate their gratitude would have been polite.

RosaBonheur · 17/03/2023 17:00

NortieTortie · 17/03/2023 15:13

People really send out thank you cards for every gift they receive at their wedding? That seems like an awful waste of paper when a verbal thank you (or text if opened later) works just fine.

I would've thanked a cake maker in the speech though.

Yes, most people we know have done. The wedding invitations, thank you cards and birth announcement cards that usually follow within the next couple of years are all on our fridge, making up a lovely tapestry of our friends' lives. I never throw them away.

LER83 · 17/03/2023 17:11

I would at least expect a card! I sent a card to the lady who altered my dress, and flowers to my photographer! Even though I had paid them and thanked them profusely at the time! Not sure about the cake maker as my dh sorted that with someone he knew, we paid £70 for it, and after picking it up in the morning poor SIL was left trying to make it look more presentable because it was shit! (Informal wedding so I wasn't overly bothered about a fancy cake but wanted it to look OK at least!)

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 17/03/2023 18:14

I used to play for weddings and often I'd get a bunch of flowers after the ceremony from couples, which was always nice, but never expected anything.

Paturday · 17/03/2023 18:15

I AM a pro cake maker and when I’ve done cakes as gifts for family I just expect the same as any other gift - a thanks, nowadays usually verbal or text is enough. Written thank you note if extra fancy.

Pancakeorcrepe · 17/03/2023 22:19

LOL at sending a card to the person who altered your dress 😂 And flowers for the photographer. I mean it is a kind thing to do but a bit OTT.

theysaiditgetseasier · 17/03/2023 22:28

You've saved them hundreds of pounds, you also spent many hours making it I'm presuming so yes, it's bloody rude not to acknowledge thanks by a way of a card or a token bottle of wine!

A quick thanks it looks amazing is a bit bar humbug I'd have given card flowers or at least a token of appreciation. It's not like you r made a few cupcakes for a kids party!

gogohmm · 17/03/2023 22:29

I would expect a thank you but that could be by email

WandaWonder · 17/03/2023 22:32

If it was a gift as in a wedding gift i would treat it as a gift

So a specific thanks other than at the time of 'here is the cake' ' thank you for that' I would not expect at all

Chickpea17 · 17/03/2023 22:32

Nothing it was a gift

WandaWonder · 17/03/2023 22:33

If I offer anything it is because I choose to I need to be thanked for it

Octi · 17/03/2023 22:37

I would expect them to say “Thank you, it looks amazing and tastes delicious.”

That’s it.

Thank you cards are so old fashioned, I didn’t even do any when I married 20 years ago.

CoQ10 · 17/03/2023 22:43

Thank you cards or a note are not old fashioned. Its just that people's manners have deteriorated over the last few years.

You are clearly incredibly kind and generous and an acknowledgement of what you made for them should have been automatically forthcoming after the wedding. How many layers did you say were in the cake!!!!

This is the ultimate in cheeky fuckery. Such a shame for you.

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