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Original poster

What would you except in return for doing a wedding cake as a gift? / AIBU?

171 replies

weddingcakery · 17/03/2023 14:41

A family member got married in December. I offered to make the cake to save them a lot of money. I'm not a professional baker but am pretty good when it comes to cakes. The cake looked and tasted ace Grin

I just wondered if IWBU to expect a thank you in the wedding speeches and/or a thank you card afterwards?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 17/03/2023 15:20

I don't really understand why a card is better than a thank you in person.

There are some people who think cards are really important. Clearly you are one, OP and clearly they are not. I think it's unreasonable to expect others to value the same arbitary things you do- they expressed their thanks in the normal way and I'm sure they are greatful.

Mel146 · 17/03/2023 15:21

A verbal heartfelt thank you is fine. If they haven't sent you a thank you card it's probably because they haven't sent anyone one which I think is better as it's a huge waste of paper! Lots of people don't send them now.

donquixotedelamancha · 17/03/2023 15:23

I think it's really rude not to send thank you cards to everyone who has given you a wedding present.

I think it's ruder to hold everyone to the expectation of conforming to your particular foibles.

Getting cards if nice, if you like that sort of thing, but don't buy people gifts if you only do it to receive formal written recognition of your 'generosity'.

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Keepupandout · 17/03/2023 15:24

Yes, a mention in the speeches is a reasonable expectation. Alternately a card. For the time and effort a wedding cake takes to create, something more than 'What a lovely cake' on the day. It's not like a gift ordered off John Lewis. It's a big deal.

unclebuck · 17/03/2023 15:25

We thanked the cake maker in the speeches and gave her a gift, along with bridesmaids, mums, the ushers etc etc

Honeyroar · 17/03/2023 15:26

I wouldn’t have necessarily mentioned it in the speeches, but I would’ve been very thankful and sent a card, as I would for any other gift.

riotlady · 17/03/2023 15:29

My best friend made my cake, I mentioned it in my speech and obviously thanked her a lot at the time (and told her how many compliments it got from everyone!) She also got a present but that was a bridesmaids present, so they all got the same.

pizzaHeart · 17/03/2023 15:30

Well, I think it’s a favour on their side not to mention you in their wedding speeches. Imagine ALL relatives and friends queuing and asking you for cakes for weddings/ christenings/ birthdays….

popopop · 17/03/2023 15:30

@weddingcakery I would definitely expect a thank you card but maybe they haven't got round to writing them yet. I've only just had a thank you card for a wedding I attended last April....

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 17/03/2023 15:30

We sent a £500 thank you gift to the friend who cooked for our wedding. She said she was happy to do it for free and yes we all said thank you and enjoyed the dinner.

We also paid for the ingredients but not even the £500 gift makes up for the amount of work she did and the thousands of pounds she saved us.

YANBU, saying the cake is pretty on collection is a rather lame thank you, very very ungrateful of them. How many hours did it take to make? Surely more than writing a blooming card and give you credit for it during the party?

Awful manners, really.

vincettenoir · 17/03/2023 15:34

YNBU to expect that they might name-check you in the speeches / send a thank you card.

Maybe they are just shit at that kind of thing though. Some people are. I have a cousin who never thanks me for gifts and I don’t want to chase up on it so sometimes I’m not sure if he got them or not.

Toottooot · 17/03/2023 15:38

Maybe they haven’t received their thank you cards to send out yet? The most recent weddings I’ve been to the cards are photos taken by the professional photographer and it takes a long time for these to come back.

gingercat02 · 17/03/2023 15:42

A friend of my Mum's made my cake, she wasn't even at the wedding but I did send her a thank you card

misslooloo · 17/03/2023 15:43

I’ve photographed around 200 weddings and if a family member or friend has baked the cake there is usually a heartfelt thanks in the speech, and - quite often - a photograph of the B+G with the cake and said baker. I think you have every right to be miffed.

Original poster
weddingcakery · 17/03/2023 15:46

@MonkeyMindAllOverAround It took a while. Four tiers, 12 layers, each tier was a different flavour, plus decorating which was quite intricate, plus a hair raising 1.5 hour car ride!

Thank you @misslooloo

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 17/03/2023 15:47

A thank you note might have been nice, but a personal thank you was better.

I understand the expense and effort that goes into making a formal cake, even an amateur version. A lot of people don’t understand the cost of supplies or just how much time it takes. I still think a personal thank you is more meaningful than a generic thank you note they wrote absentmindedly while watching Netflix in between thanking one person for a gift card and another for a toaster.

prisscalledwanda · 17/03/2023 15:49

I would absolutely expect a thank you card as a minimum for this, and would consider it rude not to get one. But they may well still be writing them - if they want to use a picture for their cards it takes a while to get the wedding photos back, then they need to be printed, then written and sent. So maybe hopefully it's on its way. (I've also never been to a wedding where the cake is homemade and the baker doesn't get a mention in the speeches).

Survey99 · 17/03/2023 15:49

Cards and thank you letters have died a death. I certainly haven't done one for years.

If they have thanked you face to face and they gave very positive feedback on how happy they were with it, I don't understand why you want more. How many times do you expect someone to repeatedly thank you for gift?

SleepingStandingUp · 17/03/2023 15:50

If you don't want to do something without getting something I return, don't offer. You did them a massive favour that must have put you out of pocket by a fair bit, plus time and labour, absolutely. And they said thank you. But you wanted to be bugged up in the wedding speeches etc. I wonder if you'd got a simple thank you card if that would have been enough or if you could have at least be given a bunch of flowers etc.

Next time just put a price on that covers most of your costs and you won't feel so aggrieved by your perception of their ingratitude

Alwayswonderedwhy · 17/03/2023 15:51

If you offered to do it as their gift then just a thank you. I definitely wouldn't expect or want to be mentioned in the speeches.

toastofthetown · 17/03/2023 15:57

I’d have expected a thank you. Be that by phone, or a letter as is the recipient’s preference. If they said thank you and praised your efforts on the day then I don’t think anything else is required on their part and I would consider that much more meaningful than a card. I sent out thank you cards in part because it was far less effort than phoning each guest to thank them for their attendance and their gift.

FeltCarrot · 17/03/2023 15:59

I stitched a personalised ring cushion for my nephews wedding, I enjoyed doing it and it took me about 12 hours to make. I got a mention in the speeches and a thoughtfully written thank you card from B&G a couple of weeks later.

WashAsDelicates · 17/03/2023 16:01

A friend asked me to make their wedding cake, and said they would pay for me to stay at the wedding venue. I hadn't been intending to stay, but thought it would be a nice treat for me, so I agreed. I'd have made them the cake even without staying at the hotel.

They were delighted with the cake, and after they returned from their honeymoon I received a thank you note from them - in which they asked me to pay for the hotel room as they'd overspent.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 17/03/2023 16:02

One thank you when h+they saw (and hopefully liked) the cake would suffice for me, wouldn’t be looking for public recognition for any gift.

Viviennemary · 17/03/2023 16:03

It wou3kd be nice if you were message in the speeches along with anyone else who helped. Flowers and so on.

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