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Original poster

I feel a bit shit about giving birth now - I missed the 'golden hour'

251 replies

Silverlog · 15/03/2023 18:58

I've just been reading in the news about how important the golden hour is for your newborn. To have it laid on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour. I was absolutely pie-faced on drugs giving birth and I was hallucinating too. It took me 3 days to come down to earth again afterwards, I was zombied-out. I'm actually really unhappy about the amount of drugs I was given. (The reason was that nothing gave pain-relief, all 8 epidurals were like water, no effect). I was given a lot of different stuff.

Having given birth, baby was wrapped up, shown to me & handed to dad, where she stayed whilst I was stitched. Very soon I was fast asleep after a 3 day labour.

I know it doesn't matter now as she's grown, but how I wish it'd been different.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 15/03/2023 21:42

Step away from the Daily Mail.

Sodullincomparison · 15/03/2023 21:44

After three days and an emergency c-section my DD was whisked away and given to DH for her first feed outside.

I was exhausted and out of it after passing out several times and my blood pressure plummeting during the C-section. I remember the nurse forcing me to put her on my chest and I had no strength and was scared of dropping her. She then went into NICU an hour later.

I look hammered and completely out of it in the photos.

the whole experience was crap for me but don’t think it had an impact on DD - she’s a whirlwind and very attached and secure.

be kind to yourself. 💐💐

Marshmallowmountain · 15/03/2023 21:45

BastardtheCat · 15/03/2023 19:02

I think motherhood goes hand in hand with guilt and beating one's self up for every perceived failing.

Have you given yourself any credit whatsoever for gestating your baby for 9months? For keeping her safe and protected and loved inside your body for that whole time? Have you felt any sense of pride for surviving what sounds like a really, really difficult birth?

Easy to say, but that golden hour is on too high a pedestal as far as I'm concerned. How many golden hours have you loved and nurtured your baby for, post-birth? THAT'S what really and truly counts.

Give yourself some kindness.

All of the above ❤

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DueyCheatemAndHow · 15/03/2023 21:46

Yep same here, I didn't get it with my youngest, she was being resuscitated.. hugs, the guilt is awful!

Firkinhavinalaugh · 15/03/2023 21:46

I’ll admit I haven’t read the full thread as am frigging knackered tonight BUT

someone came up with this myth of the “golden hour” and now you are beating yourself up about it. I suspect there are way more mothers (pretty much shown on the posts I have read here ) that didn’t have the golden hour for very many reasons. (Me being one - spaced out, emc, lots of drugs and 3 day labour)

if no one had ever mentioned it, would it even have crossed your mind? It’s not something that everyone can choose so don’t beat yourself up. It’s another way of giving off mum guilt - if you’d done it there would have been a reason for it to not have been the right thing.

do you love your dc and does someone else’s opinion of the golden hour affect your relationship?

Abouttimemum · 15/03/2023 21:47

I had an emergency section and DS was handed straight to DH then stopped breathing so was taken straight back off him and then whisked to special care, while I was taken to recovery. I didn’t see him for several hours, and then didn’t hold him for two days while he was ventilated. Our relationship is great (he’s 3). There’s plenty I / we feel guilty about as parents generally (don’t we all), but ultimately on that day everyone did their best to keep him alive and that’s all I think about really, how lucky we were.

TheaBrandt · 15/03/2023 21:50

My “golden hour” involved the newborn being put on me despite my protestations I was too tired after 12 hour labour and emergency c section so I feel asleep suffocating baby who had to be resuscitated by a crash team. She Eli’s have died if Dh hadn’t noticed. Dh and I both had mild ptsd from that and we both woke up screaming in the night for a few weeks. Fun times.

daisybrown37 · 15/03/2023 21:52

I was taken to theatre minutes after having my second child and my husband came with me. My son spent the first hour of his life with a midwife!

wyntersuhn · 15/03/2023 21:53

I had an emergency C-section at 32 weeks because my placenta had failed and there was barely any amniotic fluid around my twins. They went straight to SCBU where they stayed for 5 weeks (I went home after 5 nights). I've had plenty of 'golden hours' with them over the years and continue to do so. There doesn't just have to be one.

rainyskylight · 15/03/2023 21:54

Never heard of it. I wasn’t off my face on drugs but my body was convulsing in adrenaline and still retching from the pain for an hour after I gave birth. The plopped the baby on my chest and I didn’t know what to do with it, and all I’d had was a little bit of gas and some paracetamol. It’s all a load of bollocks.

adriftinadenofvipers · 15/03/2023 21:55

Honestly? I think the so-called 'golden hour' is a load of shit. It wasn't even a 'thing' when mine were born.

astarsheis · 15/03/2023 21:56

Neverheard of it. I had to hideous birth expereinces and the husband ended up taken care of exhausted mama and babies but we now have two happy and healthy grown up DC.
To any new mums out there...you will be alright...'golden hour' or not!

artimesiasfootsteps · 15/03/2023 21:57

Mine spent the ‘golden hour’ doing skin to skin with DH because my pregnancy HG was still going and I could stop puking after my section, along with uncontrollable shakes.

I’m very bonded to my daughter. I have friends who had a perfect birth and golden hour that later developed PND and couldn’t bond with their babies. It’s not a competition, motherhood is a journey not a race and studies like that taken out of context are bloody unhelpful

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/03/2023 21:58

Golden hour my arse. Unless you gave birth in a fairy tower where your vagina opened like a beautiful flower and bluebirds sang as your baby emerged starry eyed into the world, there is no such thing as "The golden hour". It's just a piece of nonsense someone made up.

artimesiasfootsteps · 15/03/2023 21:58

*couldn’t stop puking

motherofC · 15/03/2023 22:00

oh hey, don’t beat yourself up. I can’t remember a big chunk of my labour and I fell asleep the minute I pushed her out. Her dad recalls seeing her be lifted and moved about and all that but I didn’t. I also can’t remember skin to skin other than the midwifes keep saying you must get her dressed if she isn’t on the skin no more. I then also remember not having the rush to hold my baby once we were on our own. I didn’t want to but ofcourse I did and then when it got too much I asked for help.

motherofC · 15/03/2023 22:00

I must add we have the perfect bond now and have done ever since and her dad was the only thing that ever triggered mental health in me.

WarWhatIsItGoodFor · 15/03/2023 22:04

What utter shite from the Daily Fail 🙄 bonding doesn’t happen in the first hour, it happens in the months and years to come.

reddwarfgeek · 15/03/2023 22:07

Don't worry OP. It is not like that for the vast majority of people. I have never heard anyone talk about it before.
The lasting memory I have is the utter complete relief I was no longer pregnant and the amazing tea and toast mountain.
DD screamed for 5 hours as soon as she was born. I was very worried and thinking 'what the hell have I done'.

Tallulasdancingshoes · 15/03/2023 22:10

What difference does it make? Really? With ds I had a very quick bit of skin to skin (just a few minutes) but then I got whisked off to theatre for 2 hours to stop bleeding and be stitched up (very traumatic birth). With dd I had an elective section, she was wrapped up and given to dh to hold. I wasn’t given the option of skin to skin. I did have skin to skin with her later, but only once I was out of theatre and in the recovery area. So this was a good while later. They’re 10 and 7 now and I honestly don’t think it’s made any difference.

3luckystars · 15/03/2023 22:10

Sounds like a load of shite to me and what’s done is done anyway so no point wasting time thinking about it.

ladygindiva · 15/03/2023 22:11

DorritLittle · 15/03/2023 19:08

No I was the same!

Also I’d been awake for 72 hours and was mainly interested in my cup of tea and toast.

Show quote history

Same, I'd had a scheduled c section late morning and had eaten nothing that day, so I was starving. The toast is what I remember 🤣

DinosApple · 15/03/2023 22:11

All the stuff I read mentioned the golden hour. Sadly I missed it too being stitched.

The midwife dressed DD1, then gave her to DH for a cuddle. She went off to do something, and DH couldn't work out how to put her down 😆.

He told me afterwards that his arms were tired and I gave him short shrift. I'd been carrying baby for 9 months, it was summer, I'd laboured overnight and had a forceps delivery, pph and 3rd degree tear without pain relief! Achy arms didn't any sympathy!

rattlinbog · 15/03/2023 22:17

I don't remember doing golden hour. My DS doesn't either. We are so well bonded!
We didn't co-sleep either.
All good 😊

byvirtue · 15/03/2023 22:17

Skin to skin after birth has been a thing for a while.

I had an emergency c-section and the hospital was trialing these special skin to skin gowns, they asked me to be part of the trial. Had my C-section and as soon as the baby had been weighed and checked she was put on my chest where she remained for ages while I was stitched up and until we went into recovery and the midwife got us breastfeeding. It was a positive experience for us and I went onto breastfeed her for 2 years.